S3E10 with Sydney Rogers - Please Don't Leave Before The Miracles Start

What does it really mean to live authentically when the world constantly asks you to be someone else?

In this powerful Pride Season episode, I sit down with Sydney Rogers—speaker, advocate, drag artist, Senior Manager of the Trans Wellness Center at the Los Angeles LGBTQ Center, Chair of the Los Angeles County LGBTQ+ Commission, and one of the most inspiring people I've had the privilege to meet.

Sydney shares her extraordinary journey from surviving homelessness and addiction to becoming one of the leading voices for transgender advocacy and community empowerment. But this conversation goes far beyond identity.

We talk about choosing yourself even when it costs you people's approval. The difference between visibility and self-acceptance. Why joy, rest, and softness are acts of resistance. The power of chosen family. The courage to release people who no longer celebrate you. And why authenticity isn't something you discover once—it's something you practice every single day.

This episode is also an invitation.

An invitation to listen before judging.
To replace assumptions with conversations.
To lead with curiosity instead of fear.
And to remember that every person deserves to be seen, respected, and celebrated for exactly who they are.

Whether you're part of the LGBTQ+ community, love someone who is, or simply want to become a more compassionate human being, I hope you'll spend this hour with us.

Because this conversation isn't just about Pride.

It's about what becomes possible when we finally give ourselves permission to JUST DO YOU.

To follow Syndey on Instagram, visit https://www.instagram.com/missbarbieqla

To learn more about Sydney and her work, visit https://www.missbarbieq.com/

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!  

Remember to like, rate, share and subscribe to the JUST DO YOU. podcast in order to receive our weekly episode updates!  If you like what you hear, please leave us a review at Apple Podcasts!

To follow us on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/justdoyoupod/

Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll?  Visit:  https://ericnicoll.com

Transcript

0:06

Hello everyone, and welcome to season three of the Just Do You Podcast. I'm Eric Nicoll, your host, and I'm so glad you decided to join us today. Whether this is your very first time joining in on the conversation or you've been listening along since the beginning, thank you for being here. This podcast exists because of you, your stories, your courage, and your willingness to keep choosing yourself even when it's not easy. The Just Do You Podcast is a safe space for authentic, unscripted conversations that connect us, inspire us, and remind us of who we are at our core. Together, we're going to explore confidence, voice truth, and what it means to step fully into what I call the Just Do You sweet spot, that place where you are living honestly, intentionally, and unapologetically. This new season is about growth, reflection, possibility, and community. I'll be sitting down with friends, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers who are willing to share their journeys. The wins, the challenges, and everything in between. We'll laugh, we may shed a few tears, but in the end, we're going to continue to remind one another that none of us is walking this path alone. So are you ready? Great. Let's do this. Welcome to season three of the Just Do You Podcast. All right, everyone. Welcome to today's episode. I'm going to read her bio to give you a little bit of an idea of who this amazing human is. Her name is Sydney Rogers, and Sydney is a Black trans woman. She's a speaker, a drag artist, and the senior manager of the Trans Wellness Center of the Los Angeles LGBTQ Center. This is where she leads workforce and empowerment programming for trans and non-binary communities. She's also serves as the chair of the Los Angeles County LGBTQ+ Commission, and she's the vice chair of the West Hollywood Transgender Advisory Board, where she brings together advocacy, storytelling, and lived experiences to inspire people to live more boldly and authentically. And one of the things that I do when I start to prep for these conversations is I ask my guests what their superpower is. And so I asked Sydney what her superpower is, and she said, "Building spaces where people feel seen, powerful, and possible. I have a gift for turning lived experience into leadership using storytelling, advocacy, humor, and honesty to help people move from survival into visibility and purpose." So I'd like everyone to meet Sydney Rogers. Hi, Sydney. Hi, Eric. How are you? Thank you. I it... I was like, "Who wrote that? That sounds so good." Thank you. So I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, I love introducing people through their bios because of this very reason. I've said before, and I truly believe, that we do not wake up every morning after a night's sleep and wake up into our bio and wake up into our history of who we are in this world and what we've done and the accomplishes that we've had and the differences that were made. And I have really been trying to wake up every morning, especially over this past, what seems like a decade of chaos, of waking up into a really positive spot. "What difference can I make today?" And so I love reading people's bios because when I do that, I love watching their faces on camera 'cause they're either mortified that's who they are i- or embarrassed, I should say, or they're just loving it. They're feeling it. So I do that specifically 'cause I think it also really sets the tone. But you wrote that. And what did my- You wrote that, by the way I did. I know. You did. And what did my face do? What did my face do? You, just joy. And that's the thing that I really love because I don't think we give ourselves permission to really celebrate the joy of who we are. No I don't think we do. And I used to write in my bio that I was a survivor of, domestic violence, a survivor of incest, a survivor of this, a survivor of that. And I realized that's how I was always leading my story with- and without re- and then I would mention all my accomplishments in my bio. But now I lead my bio just like you read it- with no, this is where I'm moving forward. And this is how I live my life, and this is the joy that I'm bringing. And and just like we talked about earlier, I woke up with so much gratitude with wow, this is the life that I've created- for myself, and it's beyond my wildest dreams. Yeah. I've said often something that I heard in a very powerful- personal development seminar many years ago before I came out. In fact, I came out because of this particular coursework. But I heard the leader say, "Who you are in the world is not your circumstances." And so we really need to be able to define ourselves by who we truly are. Our circumstances certainly will guide us and shape our decisions and need to be tended to, but the circumstances don't always define who we are as a human being in this world. And I've really loved to live by that, right? Sometimes money hasn't been there, or, I've almost lost my company, or a relationship breaks up, or, I get yelled at by a client. Something along those lines. And I've allowed those moments to define me, but they really don't define internally really who I am at my core, right? So I think it's important for us to remember and that's why I did this podcast, is to remember who we are really at our core. There- there's so many different... I look back now and there's so many different milestones, positive and negative- that have shaped who I am now. And I used to think that's why I am the way I am, and that's- and that, that's why I say the things I do." But- but after a lot of healing- thank you, therapy; thank you, 12 step- that I get to choose how I evolve now. And I get to choose how I want to engage with the world. I get to- choose who I have in my life. I thought, my, my blood family was- who I have to beg to be involved with. And then there came a moment where I was like, "You know what? We grown-ass people. If you want to be involved in my life, cool. If you don't want to be involved, that's okay, too." And I'm only going to have people who uplift, challenge, and love me. Those are the three things, and if you can't do those three things, you don't need to be involved in my life. Period. And that has changed the trajectory of all the people who have come in my life. And they've come and gone, but I can count 10 people on my hands that I can call at 2:00 in the morning- and they will go, "What do you need? How much do you need? Where do I need to pick you up?" Yeah. And- Yeah and a lot of people don't have that. I realize a lot of people- No don't have that. And I think you need, for me, and this is just my opinion, is that I need to be whole and complete in myself. N- not necessarily complete meaning perfect, but complete knowing that I'm on a journey, that my life has a trajectory, and through that trajectory there's going to be highs and lows, ups and downs, wins and losses. And that for me to surround myself with people who celebrate me do you know Mama Tits from Puerto Vallarta? Brian Peters. Have you ever heard of her? I've heard- Okay I've heard, I've heard- Okay I've heard of her. Yes, I have. Sh- yeah, I was sitting in her show in Puerto Vallarta first time I'd ever been to Mexico, couple years ago with my best friend Daryl, and she said in her closing song, in her performance, she was amazing by the way, but she said in her closing moments "Only surround yourself with people who celebrate you." And I struggled with that 'cause it sounded arrogant and conceited. Like the only people that can be in my circle celebrate me. And I went home that night, and I remember sitting out on the patio and watching, the stars and the moon shimmer over the water. I was having a moment after this amazing experience, and it dawned on me. I'm like, "That's not conceited at all. That's not arrogant at all. That's creating a life of joy and happiness." And so now I'm at that spot too, not only with people, but also with jobs and opportunities and things. If it doesn't bring me joy... And I blame that Marie Kondo during COVID. The one who had you reorganize your underwear drawer. I have- You know? I still have that show on my queue. Oh, yeah. But I'm kinda scared to watch that show- I- 'cause I know it's going to change everything about my life It changed my life. I moved from a rather large home in Palm Springs to this cute little beach cottage here in San Diego, and I had to downsize it. I was bursting at the seams. I pulled out every piece of clothing, every knick-knack, every tchotchke, and if it didn't bring me joy, it got sent to the thrift shop. And I'm telling you, it just opened up my life. So I encourage you, and everyone that's listening, to sometimes I call it to Marie Kondo the crap out of your life because- it definitely helps. I'm going to- It def- have to do that. Yeah. You're going to have to do that. So I read through your bio, and obviously there are some r- really incredible accomplishments, and we're going to get to those. I do want to talk about your work and kind of your advocacy and your journey as well. I do like to give our listeners a little bit, as much as the guest is willing to give and touch on, a little bit of background and history on the young Sydney. Where were you born, siblings and that. And you can give us as much as you want or as little as you want, but I think it also sets the tone. Because what's so fascinating, Sydney, in now three seasons of doing this and almost 100 episodes, is that who we are in our younger years, again, despite what we go through or I should say in r- response to what we go through many times has us be who we are in our adulthood and the work that we're doing to make a difference in the world. So I'd just like to give a little glimpse of you back then- Okay if that's okay with you. No, it's... Absolutely. I was raised in Pomona, California. Okay. She's a California girl. Wow. I'm a California girl. A native. Okay. I was raised in California, raised in Pomona the oldest of six kids. Wow. My mom was diagnosed with kidney failure when I was 10 years old, and I learned at a very young age how to be a caretaker. I learned at a very young age, they call it the adultification of young children, especially children of color. And and I remember my mom sitting us down and she said "You are Black children. You will all go to college." And I s- and I remember at a very young age my mom asked, "What do you- What do you want to be? What do you want to do? And I said I want to be a journalist, and she would get me books and journals and tell me to write. And anything we wanted to... had any kind of passion and she would... we had a huge library in our living room, and we had that living room that nobody could walk in and be in. It had the vacuum lines, and nobody could sit in it- unless the guests came over. But we had a huge library, encyclopedias, the Britannica, and the Funk Wagnalls. But we had a huge library, and it was... we were all about books. So by the fourth grade, I was reading at an eighth-grade level, and I was in the gifted and talented education program, and all those kinds of things. And but I was helping my mom raise my brothers and sisters. Changing diapers, cooking, cleaning. I was very much mommy's little helper. But I was this little queer kid, very feminine. Didn't know I was trans at the time, but I knew I was different. And but I was concentrating on school so much, 'cause it was instilled in us to go to college, right? And that was in my head so much. And I got teased, I got bullied, got called names. And every time I would come home and tell my mom, "People call me names and stuff," she would go, "You pay them no mind." Very March on Me Johnson. "You pay them no mind. You're gon- they're going to be, they're going to be your employees one day." She would say stuff like that. And she would come home di- from dialysis, 'cause she went to dialysis three times a week. And I would tell my brothers and sisters, "Let's clean the house for Mom," or, "Let's clean the bathroom," and stuff like that. And but I remember watching a lot of TV. We come from a domestic violent household, that's why she was a single mom, and we escaped that, and that's where we landed in Pomona. And and I remember very much escaping into books and television. For some reason I loved the WWF. Sorry. Loved the- Made me laugh out loud. Yeah, loved the WWF for some reason. Okay. But but I also read a lot of Jackie Collins, Danielle Steel- Sidney Sheldon. Read all those books. And I just escaped into these worlds. And I also loved Aaron Spelling- and all those TV shows, Dynasty, Dallas, Falcon Crest. I'm probably aging myself by saying all those names, but- No, you're not, girl, 'cause that's what I- No, Charlie's Angels. Yes. Charlie's Angels. Wonder Woman. I was so immersed. Three's Company, Love Boat. I watched all those shows and just was immersed in these worlds. And so when I got into college, I was a double major, double minor. No one told me that I shouldn't- Do all that. And I got my- I got my undergrad in radio, TV, film- and I started drag in 1992. Okay. And I started, got into musical theater when I was 18. Okay. Fell in love. Because again, you can immerse yourself in these worlds. Sure. And so- I started choreographing musicals in community theater. I got a scholarship there where they taught me how to do lights, sound, makeup, everything, and I just took to it like a duck to water. And that was the time that Rent, Phantom- Miss Saigon, all of those musicals, wonderful musicals came out. And I fell in love with theater. So when I started drag, my friend goes drag is just musical theater in a club." And I said, "Really?" And so I started doing that in the clubs, and that's when house music was really coming out. And so I started performing in Orange County and did all house music. And house music was my life 'cause it was all these positive songs, right? Keep pushing on, things are going to get better, brighter days. Like, all these really... and these were all strong Black women singing these songs. Martha Wash. All these really strong Black women. So I would perform these songs and would just love performing them and going to school and sending money home to mom. And little did I know that- Addiction was in there. I wasn't healing like I should. I didn't love myself all the way. There's so many different things, pockets that I wasn't taking care of for myself, and they showed their ugly heads later in life when I found myself homeless. I found myself 14 years in addiction. I found myself on skid row. And I got sober in 2013, and I realized I was trans in 2016, and I started my hormone treatments, and then the healing really began. I started to really find myself. But along the way, there were moments of clarity. There were moments of joy. There were moments of pain and danger and fear. Along the way, I I don't really talk to my brothers and sisters anymore, where they don't talk to me. But I found this chosen family who I spend my Thanksgivings and Christmases with. I've managed to create this creature, name is Barbie-Q, that everyone- I realize I'm the- Hold on. Hold on. Yeah. But you breezed over that so fast. No. People aren't going to catch it. Do... Miss Barbie-Q. Barbie-Q. I am obsessed. I'm obsessed. Which was the name that was, like, betrothed on me from my drag sisters. Okay. Barbie like the doll, capital Q. It was Lady Barbie-Q, and then it was Madame Barbie-Q, then it became Miss Barbie-Q, M-I-S-S. And that, that name was gave- given to me back in 1992 by my drag sisters. We were in Denny's one night, and this lady walked in with her cheeks circles and my friends go... My friend goes... And I said, "Look at her cheeks." And I picked up the barbecue sauce at Denny's, 'cause, everyone eats after- the club. And I said, "Her cheeks look just like this." And the barbecue sauce went all over my outfit. And my homegirl goes, "Your name should be Miss Barbie-Q." I said- "That's the dumbest name I ever heard." And she goes, "No, Barbie like the doll, capital Q. It's cute." And it's been my name ever since. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. One of the things that has resonated throughout the course of the last three seasons is this conversation of when you find your voice, when you find that true authentic self. In that moment that you found that space of Miss Barbecue, how did that make you feel? What were some of the emotions that were you... that were going through your head? Because I think there's a huge, as we've learned, there's a huge misunderstanding as to what drag really is, who drag performers really are, as much confusion as there is around our community. But when you found that moment, so many of the performers that I've spoken to have said there was just a moment they put that first wig on or those first pair of high-heel shoes that they felt at home. They felt comfortable. They felt authentic. Was that the same experience for you, or was it more of a journey to get there? Oh my gosh. I think the first moment I felt at home was when I felt the power that I had, that drag had- when I started doing benefits. One of the, one of the things I always tell young drag queens is, "You ever want to get exposure and practice is go do benefits." That show up on time and do benefits. And I remember when I did one of my first benefits, benefit and I was helping raise money. Pe- I got on the microphone, and I started asking people to donate. And the more I was talking and making people laugh and stuff, people were raising their hands. They were putting money in the basket. And I think we raised that night $50,000 or something. And I was like, "I helped raise that?" "I did?" And they were like, "Yeah." And then I realized that was the power of what I bring to the table- and the power of drag and bringing together community. Another time I realized I had a voice was when someone came to me and said they, they hadn't eaten that day. They came- to the club, and they could afford to come in, but they hadn't eaten. This was when I was- when I was hosting in downtown. And I was able- to take the money from my breast, from my tips, and give them money to go get something to eat. And they were like, "Oh my gosh, are you sure?" And I was like, "Honey go eat." And I realized that they were able to come to me because I was safety. They were able to come to me because they knew that I could make something happen. People would come to me for advice. They would come to me when they were ha- having a fight with their boyfriend. They would come- to me when they needed to know who, who knew who, where they could sleep that night. I realized that drag wasn't just entertainment, but we were like the conduits for community. Yeah. We were the conduits that people would come to know where to go, how to do things, for advice, to make them laugh, to pick up their spirits. I realized that what I say, people would listen to. So when I would post something, say something, get on the microphone to announce something, people would listen- and it would have weight. Yeah. I sometimes hesitate asking this question because it could literally be volumes of a podcast. Okay. But what do you think people who attack the community, what are they most afraid of when it comes to drag queens and/or the trans community? Because they are two different- Oh. Oh my goodness. I've had a lot of conversations about this, and I think it, when people attack any community- any marginalized community, I think a lot of times... And I would see their faces switch when they would look at a drag queen or a trans person or a queer person or a gay person living their best life authentically and realize that they're not living their best life. Or realize that they have a light that they haven't tapped into. And how dare they have the audacity to live theirs. So there's this need to squash. There's this need to question. There's this need to control. There's this need to mitigate, right? You can bring in religion, you can bring in law, you can bring in violence, you can bring in whatever it is, whatever factor people bring in- and do of to control that happiness or whatever joy that is- people have had. And there, there's a German word for it too, when people get joy out of making someone miserable. I forget what the word is. I used to know it, I used to know it by heart, but there's this word that people have when they get joy out of making someone miserable. And I notice that it's... it becomes a virus- and it spreads. But there's also a joy out of making someone else happy. And to me, that's also- a virus that can spread. And, and- Yeah and pe- and people tap into that too. I also you basically said almost verbatim what Bambi Salcido said Oh, really? From the trim. 'Cause I asked her the question on her episode, and she's "They're just upset and angry that we're living lives f-," I'm paraphrasing. This is not verbatim what she said, but basically it was the same thing. They're angry because they're not getting to live the life that they want to live- And they can though whatever that may be for them. And they can though. But that's just it, they can. That's the thing. And that's just it, they can. But that, I think that's where the rage comes from, is because they know they can, like legitimately can, but their fear is keeping them from that. Oh, I- And we all know what f- we all know what fear is. And oh yeah, my, my fear kept me in my addiction and alcoholism. Sure. For years. I was afraid of my transness. Yeah. I was afraid of being a Black trans woman. I was afraid of what that meant, right? So I didn't transition until, what? 2016, like I said. Yeah. And that kept me in such a dark place for so long. But they also, and I, again, often say this because I just, I want to stand from the rooftops and the mountaintops and scream this, especially in this amazing month. Happy Pride, by the way. Happy Pride. Happy Pride Month. Although every day is Pride for us. Yeah. I know that for sure, but Happy Pride Month. Is that so many of the people who have an opinion, for lack of a better term, have never sat down with anyone from the trans community or from the drag community or the LGBTQ community for that matter, and had a conversation. So I call it a lot of times bandwagon jumping. Someone says something, especially in social media, someone says, "The gays are X," and then you get 400 people that are saying, "Yeah, you're right. You're right." Then you've got- 1,400 people saying, "No, you people are crazy, and you don't know, and you don't understand." And there becomes this dialogue online. But it then becomes who's trying to be right rather than having a conversation with somebody from the community, and really getting to know us. Because they don't know us. They don't know who we are. They don't know the history of drag. They don't know the history of the LGBTQ community. And that, to me, is where I just lose my ever-loving you know what. I know, I- You asked if we could s- swear earlier, and I said yes. I know. But that's where I that's where the shit hit the fan for me. I think I i'm going to say something controversial. Please. And a lot of people, a lot of people don't like to hear this, even within my own community. I feel like we have lost the art, the gift- of healthy debate. We have. We used I remember debate was back in high school. I was on- academic decathlon, and we would have these healthy debates, and we would have to do the pros and con of a subject. And we had to learn how to do- the pro and con of something. Even if we didn't like it, we had to learn- how to hear the other side of something. And how to hear it and accept it, and know that there are points being made, and hear it, and go, "Okay, we can hear both sides," and go, "Okay, I've heard you." But these algorithms- and the way that social media has been created- it has made everyone hear just one side of things. And if you hear the other side, it is wrong, it is evil, it is this, it is that. And no one is hearing the other side of anything. The health- the whole healthy debate concept has- been thrown out the window. It is choosing sides. It is- it is who is evil, who is good- and all these things. And I'm like can't both-" Be true. But when you start encroaching on- each other's rights, when you start telling someone- how they should be living their life, when you start passing laws and taking people from their homes- because you don't think they're living the way they should be living- now you're encroaching on someone's whole livelihood. And so- and people have stopped listening to each other- and everyone has become the enemy- which has made everyone so hypervigilant and so hyperfocused on what is wrong, what is wrong- what is wrong, that we get so, we forget to even enjoy the other person- who's next to us. Get to even find joy everywhere. It becomes a novelty. We even go, "Oh my God, I found this Wicked cup. Oh my God," da. Like we get so excited over the- the little things because we've- we've gotten so used to the bad, the doom scrolling. Like- we never had the word doom scrolling. Never. When I would watch the news when I was a kid, I mean- No we watched the news for 11, 11:00, turn it off, you're done, right? Now it's constant. And it's also designed, strategically designed. It's by design. And but, but- It's by design but being aware that- it's by design. It's a tool. Yes. And I and I tell my clients who are looking for work, my trans and non-binary clients- all of these things are tools. Yes. Something that you can turn off, like a power tool, it's a tool. Social media- is a tool. Instagram- LinkedIn- TikTok, it's all a tool. If some- somebody somewhere else can turn it off, and all- of a sudden you have no more followers, it's a tool, honey. That can- always be taken away. So always see it as that. And everyone gets so- emotionally invested- Yeah in all- Yeah of these things. And I'm like- Yeah "Why are you so emotionally invested if it could be taken away in a heartbeat?" Yeah. I sometimes I've got a little pushback for this, but it's interesting when I get some comments. But I want to know who made the decision, when you look around, let's say, on the news and you're looking at the cabinet or you're looking at the Senate or Congress, and you're, you- I want to know which- so white guy made the decision that he, that they were going to be the only ones that could make comments or decisions or do you know what I mean? Like- Oh, yeah you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. And then you've got the Crocketts and the Garcias and the other ones that are coming up, and their voices are being heard. And you know the people are watching, and you know the people are listening. But some of my brothers and sisters are kinda going, "Oh, I don't know if I can jump on that bandwagon 'cause it's not..." They want to. And it's the same thing, and I use the example of the first trans person that I had on the podcast three seasons ago. I found him on Instagram. I didn't know he was trans. I've admitted this. I thought he was super hot. He is super hot. I was flipping through. He does thirst traps. He admits that, so I'm not gossiping about him. And I got down to one of the, one of the posts, and I saw the scar. And I reached out and I said, "Hey, have you told your story?" And he's "No. I just post these videos." And I'm like, "You need to tell your story, and I want you to do it on my podcast." And he came on the podcast. He was very nervous. His name is Archer. And he told his story. Can I tell you, Sydney? To this day, almost 100 episodes, he has the number one most downloaded podcast out of all the episodes. Really? I thought- anomaly, right? So I brought him back for a second time right after the election as a check-in. I wanted to check in on my trans brother and see how he's doing- yeah amidst all the chaos. Second most downloaded podcast. Oh, wow. Brought him on again a third time to talk about his hospice work, and it's also done really well. Why I share that is because the comments that I've gotten on those particular episodes have all been, especially within... I've had several drag performers, I've had several trans people and I've had people comment to me privately, which I think is interesting, that the episode actually shifted their perception of the community. 'Cause we have listeners in, I think we're in 62 countries. But listeners around the world say, "You've changed my perspective on your community. Had you not had so-and-so on the podcast, I probably would be sitting in that same conversation." But yet there's a disconnect because that person doesn't take that out into their world. And so I encourage people when they leave me messages like that, that it's amazing that they've had that epiphany. It's amazing- But take it out it's amazing that you had that breakthrough moment. Yeah. But you've gotta take it out into the community. And there there's this whole thing and I call it the wounded bird syndrome. And it happens with Black people. It happens with people of color, it happens with women. And it also happens with trans and non-binary people. That people see us as these downtrodden, poor you- kind of people, and that anytime I'm like I have my master's, and I've, I've done all this amazing work and stuff," and that people still see me as poor Sydney. Poor thing. Wow, you're so well-spoken. And I'm like I went to college. What are you talking about? Yeah, exactly. I have a master's. Are you serious? But they hear trans and they hear Black- and they hear woman, and they think I'm this wounded person walking around, and that I can't, raise up and I can't speak eloquently and I can't- do all these things, or I'm an, or I'm an anomaly- and there aren't other people like me. And there's- and there and it happens within our own community of people wanting to put us on this pedestal and show us off, but they don't give us jobs in leadership. They don't pay us well. They want us to just perform, and that's all, right? And they don't take it into community of actually being intentional- about how they are perceiving us. And it happens over and over when people go, "Wow, you've changed my perspective, but I'm still not going to hire Black people." "I'm still not going to hire trans people. I still don't see trans people as a manager. I still don't see you as a supervisor, but I think you're fabulous." And it happens over and over where they still don't see it. Or I don't see you as dateable. That's, I'm- don't even get me on about dating. Oh, girl. Nope. Honey. Honey, honey. Don't even get me about dating and stuff. But it's this whole thing about I think you're fabulous, but I don't see you in these other areas as valuable But why? But why? Because it's easier to see us in these areas and proclaim the need for funds, or the need for causes, or the need for charity. What- what- whatever you want to put, it's easier to put us in that space. How many times have you seen Marsha P. Johnson up on all kinds of stuff, but no one said that she was smart- she was brilliant, she was, she created networks of people, that she did all these things. They just put it up and go, "Oh, poor Mar- poor Marsha P. Johnson. Look, she's a sign of rebellion." That bitch was smart. That bitch was brilliant. But no one says, talks about her intelligence or her brilliance- as a Black trans woman. They just talk about her protests and all those other things. She was a brilliant, smart person. Yes. And I it's a little tongue in cheek I recently saw a post on Instagram. This straight guy walked into a gay pride flag by accident and ran around the streets of New York telling everyone, asking everyone if they thought he was gay 'cause he had touched this gay flag. He's "Am I a homo- am I a homosexual? Am I homosexual?" And it's so outrageously ridiculous, it's, but it's funny, and it's sad at the same time. But it's funny because I've been thinking a lot about these people who say, "Oh my gosh, you're fabulous. You're amazing, but..." There's always that but you're not a manager, you're not hireable, you're not dateable. Because it means something about them if they do, if they take that next step. Yes. And I'm very curious in this kind of new line of work that I'm about to venture off into in the world of coaching, is to have a conversation about what does that mean about you, number one, and number two, what are you making it mean about you? Because they're two completely different things. Yeah. Yeah. And- What you're making, what you're making it mean by giving us support and showing kindness and love to a trans person or to a member of the community does not mean what you think it means about you. Yes. And, and- 'Cause they're making it about them. They're not- And it- making it about you and, and- Sydney and it makes it conditional. Correct. Correct. It makes it conditional. Correct. And that's the part that, that really rubs me the wrong way. That, that I will put you on a pedestal, I will celebrate- you if you stay in this lane. Once you start going out of that lane, Sydney- you're, "Oh, you're the chair now?" Like- people look at me like, "Oh, who's the chair? Oh, you're the chair? Oh." Or, I walk out in the front, "I'm the senior manager here." I want to talk to the person in charge." "I'm the person in charge." "No, who's in charge of you?" People do not say that to you, do they? Oh. Oh my God. They say it all the time. Who's in charge of you?" "No, I'm the one in charge here." No. "Oh, no. Oh, you are?" Oh, God. And I'm like, "Yes." Oh they feel they can say that because I'm a Black trans woman. If I was a white man, they wouldn't dare say that. No. But because I'm a Black trans woman they can question my authority. They feel like they can talk to me any kind of way because- because it's okay, because people have been taught that it's okay to question one, question a Black person and their authority- Okay. That's what I was just going to say- Question a- 'cause it's not just you as a Black woman- no it's a Black person as a Black person- it's okay to question a woman- of her authority. So it's that intersectionality. God bless Kimberly Crenshaw. I got to meet her. Amazing woman. Yeah. Amazing. She's coming out with a new book. But that intersectionality, and then I have to always keep- myself in check. Don't be the angry Black woman. Don't be the- angry Black trans woman. Come with kindness. Come with all these things. So I'm always trying to keep myself in check, but also- I can't be going around snapping fingers, 'cause that's what- people expect of me too, 'cause that's like a trope. So it's always this balance of how do I, how do I- l- look at the world and still love the world when it sees me in a certain way of how I should be conducting myself? I need you to es- expand on that for a second, but I want to make sure I remember two things I want to say to you. When you say that's the way the world looks at you, do you really come from the space that the world thinks that, or is that a phrase that we use to make it encompassing of a bigger picture? Do you know what I mean? Does the world- Oh really hold you as a Black trans woman in that space, or is it a specific demographic of that world? Does that make sense? Ooh, that's such a good question. Ugh. I feel like the world... going to get emotional. I feel like the world right now doesn't even want to see me. I feel like the world right now, on June 3rd, 2026, would like it if I would just disappear. If I would just go away. But I'm not going away. I do feel like the world does see me as an anomaly. I think the world- does see me as something that, that should be examined and looked at and questioned over and over. But then also I see the world- I feel like the world does see me as something to be celebrated. And I said something- not someone. Because I've seen- i've looked on Instagram- and I've looked at, I've looked at different art- different accounts, and I've heard people call Black trans women it, thing- stuff like that which always scares me of if I want to run for office or run for political office and stuff, that's the reality that I'm looking at too. Yes, it would be awesome to run for office, political office, but that's the reality of what the world also sees me as too. And I- And I'd be naive- Yeah if I did not see that. Because a lot of people would be like, "No, girl, you're fabulous," and everything's great, and it's glitter and beaches- and- all the things. And I'm like- that's great to look at the world that way, and it's... I can totally look at the world that way. But my reality is also bottles thrown at me. The world is also, if I'm walking down the street, I don't know if someone wants to kill me or not. And that's real too. No matter how many degrees I have. So I want you to pause there for a second because these are the moments that I don't ever want to brush over, because it's the reality of the life that we are living, is for the listener to take a moment and a pause to hear the statement, "When I'm walking down the street, I don't know if somebody wants t- to kill me." I've heard that several times from some trans friends and some people in the gay community, and that's the part that I think we check out on, is that... And we replace it with the, "You're fabulous, and you're amazing," and the glitter and the unicorns and all that. But where we really need to cause a shift is sitting with the fact that there is a group of people, and I'm talking about marginalized people. I, I'm not just trying to single out the trans community- but even though that's very real. There are people out in our country and our world that are out wondering if they can walk out their door, and are they safe? And- If I'm going to, if I'm going to make it back. If I'm going to make it back. I don't want to hold this Pollyanna view, and I'm not going to take away from you that reality for you of that's how you feel about the world. I For me, want to continue to encourage the people that are sitting in silence that may be saying, "You're fabulous, but I don't know that my voice will matter. I don't know-" Oh that my comments will matter." Oh. "So I'm not going to say anything." Again, it's that, what, are you taking it out into the world? I believe that the world is not what's showing up. That's a portion of it. That's a- It's a small- It's a small portion of it it's a small portion. And there can- There are people in this world, Sydney, who don't want you to disappear, who don't want you to be silent, who don't want you to stop, who don't want you killed in the street amongst our brothers and sisters. They not only want you to be who you are, they desperately need you to be who they are. But what's come at them like water out of a fire hose, it's my new favorite phrase in this administration, is it just comes at you like a fire hose, and you don't know how to take a breath for a moment. They don't know how to respond or they don't know how to act. So I'm committed that in our conversations in this podcast and out in the world that we say, "It's great that you feel support or feel supportive of a Sydney, of a whoever." But what you can do is X, Y, and Z. Yes. And it doesn't need to be grab your megaphone and go stand out on the street corner- No and protest. What it means is you go out into the world and have conversations with people. You go out into the world and say, "I heard this amazing woman speak in a public event, and her name was Sydney Rogers. And this is what she taught me, and this is the one thing that I was left with. And by the way, she's trans." Yeah. Whatever the case may be. Yeah. It can be as simple as that, because- Yep that, those trickle. Exactly. It's like the rock, it's like the pebble, it trickles. It has a ripple effect. Ripple effect, thank you. Yes, it has a ripple effect. Ripple. It's- I spoke at the International Whores Day yes- last night. So what is that? I was, I was- What is that you meant International... In- Inter- What, what is that about? In- Inter- International Whores Day is a celebration of sex workers within the LGBTQ movement. Okay. I was a sex worker. No. Yeah. And, and- I have to explain. I have to explain. When you said that the other day, and you said I, I thought it was H-O-R-S-E, not H-O- I know you did R-E. And I was like, "I don't think he heard me." So I didn't hear you. "I don't think he heard-" Sorry. "I don't think he heard me." I understand now, yes. I did survival sex work when I was in my addiction. Got it. Got it. And they asked me to be the keynote speaker- Awesome last night. And so I spoke on it, and it, it was a 10-minute speech. And this 82-year-old Black woman- came up to me afterwards. I was about to leave, and she stopped me. And she said, "I just wanted to tell you I've heard everything, seen everything. But you- opened my eyes and you enlightened me how I've, like I've never been enlightened before." And oh, Eric, I just started crying. She looked at me with these brown eyes and sh- her name was Penny. And she said, "Your words moved me in ways I haven't been moved in a long time." And looked down at her, and I, 'cause my mom passed away in 2022, right? That's right. And my grandmother passed away in 2017. And I looked down at her and I saw my mom, I saw my grandmother looking back at me. And I realized that my words matter. My words, how I say them, how I deliver them, what my story is matters. And then I looked up, and I think that was either her daughter or somebody was next to her, and she looked at me and she said, "You keep doing you." I remember your podcast. "You keep doing you." "You keep saying your truth." And she gave me this big old hug like a auntie. And I was like, oh my goodness. Not only do I get to heal, but now I get to be this vessel. I get to say my truth and I don't have to perform, make up stuff. I get to just- create and just say it. And I think that's the part that needs to reach people, too. And, and- You said- Yeah. Go ahead. No, go ahead. And when it reaches them, hopefully that moves them to speak up. You said two things in your notes to me when you were sending me some information, and I thought they were really powerful. You said, "Learning authenticity sometimes costs people's approval, and choosing yourself anyway." I think that was a really powerful statement that you made. It... can I expand on that? No, I want you to. Oh my gosh. As I've transitioned from gay boy to drag queen to I also came out non-binary and then trans woman- I lost a lot of people- along the way. I lost friends, I lost gigs, I lost people who I thought were in my corner. I had people questioning me of was this just a fad- a trend? I remember each time, even i- 'cause I came out as a drag queen in the '90s when it wasn't popular. Remember back in the day- it wasn't cool. Oh, nope. It wasn't cool to... No one knew what was a drag queen. No one wants to sleep with us. No one wants to, be our, our boyfriends, girlfriends, whatever. It wasn't cool. Now, RuPaul's Drag Race has changed all of that. But back then, you had to hide your wigs before your trick came over, right? But each time there was a sacrifice. And I didn't realize. I was like, "No, I'm coming out and I'm finding who I am. I'm being me." Everyone should be celebrated. Why won't they call me back? Why did I lose this gig? How come I, no one's returning my text anymore? How come I'm not... Oh, they didn't invite me to that? Oh, they're on Instagram and they're posting that without me? Oh. They're... It's, it... To be your true self, there's some kind of compromise in give and take, and people are like, "I ain't compromising nothing." There is going to be. And it's and it sometimes it doesn't show up the way you think it's going to. And sometimes it's, it hits hard. It hits hard. And I've found it in so many different ways. But it always has been replaced with people that love you whole. W-H-O-L-E. Whole. Scars and all. And in that part I, I realize, oh, the people who I've lost... And I've had people come back. 'Cause I've been in this so long now, of people going, "I've seen your journey, and I've s- I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry that I left." "I'm sorry that I left, and, but now I want to, now I'm here and I'm back." And now- Yeah it's up to me as a person who's okay, I either can accept that friendship or that relationship or not. Yeah Oh, your face. I know. Oh. I'm going to make me cry. I'm known as the podcast crier- so I'm going to cry through this podcast too. No, but it was reminding me of something else you said and that is that, joy and softness and rest and pleasure are also forms of resistance. Oh my gosh. I talked about that last night. 'Cause, 'cause people think I have to be this hard- hard-hitting Black woman, roaring through the jungle. You know- I'm thinking Wonder Woman you know- running through. And I don't and I kept go- I kept telling my friends, where can I be soft? Where can I, have these moments where I don't have to be on all the time? And they all sat me down and went, "Sydney, you can rest here." "You can cry here." "We're not going to judge you. It's okay." To, and actually my bosses have been really good about like- "sydney, you need to take the weekend off." "You need to take a longer we- you need to take a longer vacation." 'Cause I was raised and probably like you were too- we don't take vacations. We work through. We work long hours. We don't do all those things. We'll rest when we dead and all those things. Yeah. I didn't take a, I didn't take my first vacation until three years ago, 2023. Sydney, we need to change that, girl. That was my first ever vacation. And it was paid to Yosemite. It was amazing. But then I cried 'cause I was like, why hadn't I done this? And it was only three days, but I was like- Doesn't matter why hadn't I, why hadn't I gone on- vacation? You need that rejuvenation. You need that recharge. You need that unplug- just to find who you are and stuff, because then we can come back to- work or whatever we're doing with whole new perspective, refresh- and people appreciate that. And we get to model that for other people, too. But it's also important, especially in our current climate, is that you- Oh have to take time for you. I, I- If you don't take time for you, it's no bueno. It's no bueno and I claimed this before he even won. I told my friend, I go, "Watch, if Trump wins, people are going to go to the movies more." "They're going to go to concerts more. They're going to go to drag shows more. Everyone's going to be going to festivals more, because they're going to need an outlet, because he's going to run us to the damn ground." Everyone. Everybody. And everybody's going to be going. And what has been happening? Concerts are full. Movies are full. Everybody's running to all the things, 'cause we need these outlets- to let go- because we are... Everyone's so hypervigilant- all the time. So yeah, I'm going to the movie like two, three times a week. Shit. I love it. Lots of good things to see. More to talk about on that later. I do want to ask you I want to be respectful of your time as well, but I want to ask you, you also mentioned that there's a difference between visibility and self-acceptance. Talk about that for a minute, 'cause I think that's really powerful. When it comes to visibility, I thought just being, being out and about- was enough. I thought, being Miss Barbecue, being Sydney I thought that if I'm on stage, that's enough. But when I would get offstage and we talked about this too, I don't like crowds. I didn't like- being around a lot of people. And I realized that- I didn't really like me. I loved Miss Barbecue, but bef- 'cause, 'cause I hadn't any change to Sydney. The person I was when I wasn't Barbecue, I didn't like. I didn't dress well. I didn't take care of myself. I didn't take care of my skin, everything, when I wasn't Miss Bar- Miss Barbecue had all the things. But when I was off stage, I, and I would look at old pictures of myself, and I'd be like, oh my God, this poor person- was just miserable. 'Cause I wasn't loving me. And I was loving this creature I had created. But I wasn't loving me. And when I finally transitioned and found all of me, I realized that self-acceptance part is so important. In fact, it should be the number one thing- because if you're going to be visible out and about- people can smell it. That you can be visible all you want, but if you don't love yourself- it shows. It shows how you show up, it shows how you conduct yourself. It shows how you look people or don't look people in the eye. It shows how you- eat, how you sleep, how you speak, how you sit, how you stand. All the things of self-acceptance, right? And people can- see the evolution of you. At... when Facebook shows the memories, remember this? Remember this? Oh, yeah. Sometimes I hate... I look at those old pictures, and I have a, one of my besties, Peter. Hi, Peter. When, one of my besties, Peter he looked up, he looked at a picture of me now and a picture- of me back in 2011. And he goes, "You're smiling in that picture, but you don't have joy- in your face, in your eyes." And I'm like what about now?" He goes, "Oh my gosh, Sydney, you're smiling and you have so much joy." And now the visibility, I don't... when I'm walking about, and people go, "Are you Sydney? Are you Miss Barbecue?" I used to be like, "Don't call me Miss Barbecue if I'm not dressed up." I realize that Sydney and Miss Barbecue are- synonymous. Because it's all love. Oh, girl. I don't know what to tell you. I tell you. It's such a... it's such lessons and it's ongoing. That these are the things that I've learned, and I feel like- I'm still I f- that's what I love about getting older, is that- the lessons don't stop. And they keep on going. They keep on going, and new stuff comes in. Oh. And I'm still learning how to oh, now that I'm older, I get to approach this so differently now. I get to have these new boundaries for myself and- Yeah for other people. I get to love myself differently now, right? My skin regimen- is so different. Skin regimen's so different now. Yeah. I, I, I change my sheets differently. I like- Yeah certain things now- Yep that I didn't like when I was younger. How I eat- when I eat, all those things. And I don't need to post everything. I don't post- "Here's what I'm eating. Here's what I'm doing." Yeah. I barely post any of that stuff. Yeah. What else is really great about getting older? Is that you can then deal with all of this stuff, and you also have an element of you don't give a shit. Two shits, three shits. Two shits, three shits. No, no fucks, right? Julia No fucks. No fucks. Julia Louis-Dreyfus has a podcast called Wiser Than Me, and she interviews women that she feels are wiser than her. And it's one of the most brilliant podcasts, of course, next to Just To You- that I listen to because I love the comments that people make. And she talks a lot about, because most of the women are older, or of- Yeah of older age, and they get to a point in their life where they realize that they used to care about what everybody thought about them, and what they wore, and what they ate, and all of those things. And they get to a certain point, and they just don't care anymore. And I've realized that, I'm turning 60 this year, and I realized that. It was weird. Just like I used to care a lot. It's what kept me from launching this podcast for four years. I'm like, "No one's going to listen. No one's going to do This is No one's going to want to care what I say." And the only thing that keeps us, the only thing that holds us back is us. Us. And that's the thing. And then universe steps in. That's a whole other podcast. But universe steps in and sends you a message from someone in Costa Rica that says, "Launch the damn podcast." Yeah. So we did. So we did. And- Oh, we did. Go. Go ahead. Go. No, go. No. The other part of universe, though, is if we listen. Yes. Yes. You have to listen. Of course. 'Cause universe will send the message over and over and if we don't listen- if we don't listen to universe is kinda going, "Hey. Hey, honey. Launch it." But universe is also going to get tired of poking the bear, and- oh she'll move on. She'll- She'll move on to something else she, so she'll be like, she'll be like, "Okay. Go buy- go buy these shoes instead then." Okay. 'Cause sometimes she gets fed up- She gets- with having to listen to you bitch about it. She gets tired. I got s- I finally had After I launched, I had someone say to me, "Thank God, 'cause we got so tired of hearing you talk about how nervous you were about launching it. Now look. You're just, you're having all this great success." But it's true. We don't- like waking up into our bios. We don't give ourselves enough credit that we are able as human beings to navigate the world that we're living in. And we are currently afraid and scared, and some are angry, and some are passive, and some are out and pounding down doors and getting people to vote and having conversations that are difficult, and there's the wide spectrum. But we have to give ourselves also the grace to know that who we are is an ever-evolving journey. I- you even said it, letting go of the pressure to be perfect- Yes is a opportunity to allow yourself to grow. Yeah. Th- And that's so important and I think that's where my new thought of what pride is. I'm thinking about what pride- looks like, 'cause pride in the beginning was like, "I'm just proud to be queer. I'm just proud to be Black. I'm just proud to be trans." But now pride comes from, "I'm proud that I've evolved." "I'm proud that I'm able to say no," say yes. I'm proud that I'm able to find the people in my life and appreciate them. I'm proud that I'm able to have this, it c- pride comes with gratitude now. It also comes with, like this grace that I never gave before. And once you have- be able to give grace to yourself- be able to grace to other people. And I think- think that's also part of pride, quote unquote- of what that looks like. It's not just the celebration, but it's also the grace and the dignity- that pride has also brought- so many people. And I think a lot of times we forget that there are people who fought for us to have these rights and stuff like that- and that we've all taken it for granted. And when I see them taken away or chipped away or voted away or, gerrymandered away- I'm like, "Where's our pride in where we came?" How far we've come. And that pride- should always be a non-negotiable. A non-negotiable of how far we've come. Sorry, I got a little- What are you apologizing for? I got a little- I know. No it's so funny- 'cause sometimes guests will say things like that, and my brain goes to "Oh, wait, what was I just going to say?" I just get so lost in the conversation, which is what's happened here. We didn't really get a chance to, and you'll have to come back and have another conversation with m- us. I want to share more about your work within your professional life, but also within the advocacy that you have, your speaking engagements. You have quite the resume and quite the opportunity to go out and make a difference, and we definitely want to make sure that people know how to follow you, so we're going to make sure that they can, track you down on social media, so start posting. Oh, thank you and we're going to make sure that they have access to your work that you do with the center. I want to ask you two final questions- Okay and with your permission- but what is next for you, for Sydney? What's next for her? Ooh. What's next for me, I feel, is that, i'm in the development stage of some curriculum some training curriculum, a book, couple of books- that I'm writing. Yeah, I'm in development with a lot of things- and collaborations- that I'm working on, that I'm really excited about- that I get to take all this knowledge and wisdom that I have- and get to channel. What's also next is that I'm talking to some people about what would it look like to have a campaign in the next two, three years. Ooh. What would it look like to run, right? And having serious talks about what would that look like for me- and if it's really doable. And what's next is also dating. I love it I am. I am. I'm dating- Love it talking to people, but, en- enjoying what that looks like for me of allowing myself to be soft and taken care of- too. I think that balance is so- important. And and the other part is I don't know. That's a good place. I- That's a good thing, though. That's a good thing. Yeah, I don't... Yeah, I don't know. But I- There's gotta be space for the unknown. Yeah, there has to be space for I don't know. But when it comes across- my... I always rub here 'cause my heart. If it feels good here, I say yes. J- just like talking to you. I am so giddy today. This has just made my day. And before I ask you the last question, I do just sincerely want to say thank you for being who you are, and thank you for what you do out in the community with your work within the center and the trans community and the LGBT community whole- as a whole, and all of the people that you speak to at all your speaking engagements. I am 1,000% certain that people leave the presence of you having shifted their mindset and maybe have a new opinion or a new way of looking at something because who you are in the world is a change-maker. And I'm grateful to know you, and I'm sure that the world is grateful that you are in it, my friend, and I look forward to seeing you hopefully soon- down here in San Diego- Yes to give you a great big hug. But I want to thank you for being here today and for sharing and for being so authentic and for giving us an opportunity to get a little glimpse into Sydney's world, and I appreciate that. So my last question to you is this, and I ask this of everybody and that is if you could go back to that young Sydney and that family of six and living in Southern California, what would you tell young Sydney about her life today? Oh, goodness. You're going to make me cry. I pull that little kid to the side- I tell her that you're so loved, and who you are is not wrong, and that you have such a beautiful and big life in front of you, and please don't give up. Please don't leave before the miracle's started please know that you have greatness deep within you, and that you're worthy of so much joy and love Dang, Eric Thank you for being here today, and thank you for being so extraordinary. We'll talk again. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. All right, everyone. Thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just Do You podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you can easily share the podcast and episode directly with your friends. And if you would, rate us and leave us a review. We'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at justdoyoupod. As you go out back into the world today, remember to JUST DO YOU. All right. Talk next week.