REPLAY: S1E37 So What Do We Do Now? — One Year Later with Nathan Serrato

It’s almost been a year since the 2024 election, and for many of us, the emotions still feel so raw.  The division in our country, the daily barrage of chaos and the uncertainty about what lies ahead - it all feels incredibly heavy and sometimes difficult to navigate. 

This week has been particularly paralyzing and my anxiety was at an all time high.  In moments like these, I found myself revisiting many of the incredibly grounding and transformative conversations I’ve had on this podcast over the past 2 seasons. This conversation with Nathan Serrato, a Trauma-Informed Mindset Coach (PCC) based in San Diego, CA, helped me pull me out of the darkness and into a renewed space of hope this week and I wanted to replay our conversation for you. 

When we first recorded this episode, just one week after the 2024 election, Nathan helped us process the shock and emotional weight of that moment. Now, a year later, his insights feel even more vital. His approach to emotional resilience - rooted in compassion, mindfulness, and trauma-informed care - continues to guide us as we navigate these challenging times. 

In this replay, Nathan walks us through four essential ways to process difficult emotions — from fear and anger to sadness, confusion, and hopelessness. He reminds us that healing takes courage, that we can’t bypass the hard emotions, and that caring for our mental health is not optional - it’s essential if we want to stand strong and keep moving forward.

As we reflect on where we are a year later, this episode is a reminder that we are not alone. Our community, especially those from marginalized groups, continues to carry so much, but through awareness, healing, and unity, we can transform that pain into purpose - and create a future grounded in love, justice, peace and inclusion.

We’ve been here before. We know how to rise above it all. But first, we have to take care of ourselves - and each other.  

To learn more about Nathan and his work, visit: https://www.queerconscious.com

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!

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Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll? Visit: https://ericnicoll.com

Transcript

0:05

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the JUST DO YOU. Podcast. My name is Eric Nicoll and I'm your host. If you are a first time listener, welcome to the conversation. And if you're a regular, I'm honored that you've decided to join me for another episode. The JUST DO YOU. Podcast is centered around a network of conversations, which are meant to connect us, to inspire https: otter. ai And who knows? We might even learn a little something new that ultimately allows us to live in the sweet spot that I like to call the just you, you space it being. Each week I have the privilege of sitting down for unscripted conversations with friends, family, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers that all share their own personal journeys. I hope that you enjoy our time together as much as I have. We are certainly gonna laugh, and yes, we might even cry a little, but in the end, we're gonna know that we're not alone during our life's journey. So, are you ready? Great, let's do this. Welcome to The Conversation. All right, everyone. Welcome to the Just Do You Podcast and our brand new episode today. I am really grateful to my guest and someone that I cherish in my life and I'm going to welcome back to the podcast for his third appearance, Nathan Serrato. Hi, Nathan. Hi, Eric. How are you doing? How are you? I'm doing okay. I'm doing okay. How are you? I'm definitely going through the motions. But today I'm feeling okay, especially being here with you. Oh, me too. I was very much looking forward to this, this morning. I know that this episode will air the week after the election. To put this in a little bit of context, we are all dealing with a tremendous amount of emotions, like you said. And all of us are in different head conversations and external conversations and trying to figure out how to navigate our feelings and our thoughts and our emotions. Let's be clear. This decision is affecting many, many, many other groups, marginalized groups within our country. So we are not alone, but we're in a very, interesting space and having to navigate. Some of us turn inwards and get very quiet and very insular. Some of us turn outwards and get very vocal and get action oriented, but I want to take today, if it's okay with you and just have a conversation so that it appeals to everyone, who is struggling to get through this process of acceptance, if you will maybe give them a couple tools on how to navigate. Does that work? Yeah, that works great. Okay. So just to give a little context of why I reached out to you. Aside from the fact that I like I said, adore you and cherish you as not only a good friend, but also as a coach and a mentor, we've spent quite a bit of time together in various projects. And I always find that your authenticity and the realness that you bring to the table in times that are celebrated and times that need to be. Maybe reflected on that. You come with this amazing sense of compassion and caring for people. So right after the election I found myself, I don't remember what day it is because they've all kind of blended together. I have called this last week, the rollercoaster of emotions. I even shared with you. Before we hit record that one of my ways of dealing with this was to power down for gluten filled cupcakes, which did not help as I thought it would. But I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across your post and it was probably one of the most timely posts that I'd seen. And it posed this question, what do we do now? And you talked about some steps and some insights into how we. Could possibly deal with this. So I'm going to turn this over to you, obviously, very open for a conversation today, but I'd love you to share with our listeners where that post came from, what you were thinking about at that moment. And then let's, let's just have a conversation about what we do now. What do we do now? Yeah. What do we do now? Well, it was interesting. I was at the gym that morning just trying to process some of my, my anger, my frustration, my confusion. And I was getting texts from people that I love. And one in particular was like, Hey, what are you doing? Like, how do we get through this? And it just struck me that so many people don't know what to do with all their emotion, with everything that they're feeling. And, and it gets complicated, especially in the face of crisis. That these emotions are amplified to an extreme, especially with what we're seeing in the news that all of our fears and concerns are just amplified right now. And so, in the state of the unknown, first and foremost, we have to learn how to process and deal with our emotions. And I think there's, there's really four ways to do that. The first way that you can respond to an emotion is Not the healthiest, but it's, it's to avoid them. And I don't recommend that, but I think a lot of us, and you probably know many of them who are in this work are going to shove the emotions down. Oh, they're going to get just like bitter or just, this is the way it is. And, and they don't take time to actually feel what's happening. They're going to get right back to work. They're going to distract themselves. They're going to maybe eat four cupcakes, right? Or like me, just go to the gym and just pretend it's, it's it's not real. But the challenge with avoiding your emotions is that they don't go away. Emotions live in our body, and if you think of our emotional container like, you know, a bottle, only so much can fit into that bottle before it explodes, before it releases. And what we don't want is for that emotion to create an outburst on someone that we love or in a way that does not serve us. And so when we can find ways of truly honoring our emotion, then that allows that, that bottle, the air in that bottle to, to come out in, in gentle, intentional ways. But avoiding is the, the first way you can respond to emotion. Let me just say one quick thing about that, because it brings up something very, very important. Interesting that I heard in a conversation the other day, is there are physiological responses to bottling up that emotion and pushing it down and suppressing it. There are going to be a multitude of ways that that's going to manifest itself within your own physical wellness. And so as difficult as it is sometimes for us to get those out, it is really important. Would you agree? Yes. Absolutely. Thank you. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's going to impact your, your mental health, right? You're not giving yourself space to actually see what's going on there, to feel it, to let it move through your body. So it stays stuck. It's going to impact your, your cortisol levels, your mental health. And I think it creates just this, this wall between yourself and the world. So, so with that, let's dive just a little deeper for the listener because I'm sure there are a lot of people out saying that's great. That worked for, for Nathan to get up and go to the gym and for Eric, I did go to the gym after I ate the cupcake the next morning. But what. What was the conversation that you had because you obviously woke up in the same conversation that many of us did, right? So there was a conversation that you woke up into that was one of confusion and fear and anger and upset all of that What was the conversation that you then had with yourself that said I'm gonna go to the gym. What was that? Oh if you can It's it's one of the ways that I process anger I think just the, the energy that you expend, the, the intention that you, you put into the workouts and the intensity of it, it's a great way to channel anger. And believe me, there's a lot of it still to this day did not take away all my anger by any means. But the other thing is we are going to, we may, okay, we have a future that is uncertain. And in that uncertainty, there may be a lot of turbulent news. There may be a lot of things that we need to fight against. And when I ask myself, who do I need to be the next four years to create the world that I want to create? I have to start with me. And so I'm focusing on becoming stronger. I'm focusing on becoming more emotionally resilient, smarter, a better communicator, because I truly want to create a vision that makes a difference. It's better than what the other party has to offer. And in order to be part of that vision, it's going to start with me. It's a really important point, Nathan, because in you being you and you going out and focusing on getting stronger, getting more resilient, all of those things that you mentioned, you're taking back your power. And I think many times when we react, when we overreact, when we lash out or lash back, and we fight. Not fight for something, but fight against something. We are, we're actually creating more of the same. And I know that's hard for some people, I think, to kind of get their head around is that you need to take care of you. You need to become those things in order to be the better you so that you can then take that out and spread that into the world. And I worry sometimes when I see so much. Reaction knee jerk reaction on social media, because it's an easy place to react. It's an easy place to voice your opinions that all we're doing is perpetuating the same. Unfortunately, the same kind of action and energy and reaction. So I'm glad that you said that because I want the listener to really hear that, that we need ourselves who we are in the face of the matter. Any matter to be strong, to be of conviction, to know who we are and to be proud of who we are so that then that just resonates out into our community. So thank you for saying that. I think that was why I asked the question about what you do. Same thing for me. I know that mentally in my head, I need the clarity. So what I tend to do is really look to see who am I going to be in the face of this as well. You and I have done some similar development work together, so I recognize the languaging. But I'll never forget that moment. Who are you going to be in the face of any and all matter? And it really does make a difference. So I want our listeners to listen through the rest of this conversation today in that mindset. Who are they going to be? What are some of the tools that Nathan and Eric talked about today that I can take with me? Because the minute you succumb to the Fear that they are putting on to us as a community as a country, we give up all of our power. And I believe in this moment, as sure as I'm sitting here, that if all of us rally and be our true selves and take back our power. They can try, they may be successful on a few things, but it's going to be a difficult road for them. Not us. Oh, absolutely. And, and we have to remember too, I mean, I hate when people are saying this is a decisive victory because I mean, the popular votes are still being counted and there's still half of the voters in America voted against this and that opposition is still present. So we have to remember that. But I mean, to, to continue through this is the first way we respond is we can avoid the emotions, we let them bottle up. We lose control of it. The second way that we can respond to emotions is indulging in them. And I think you, you were just speaking to that really succumbing to that fear. So it's indulging is fully immersing yourself in the intensity of that experience and that emotion where you often lose perspective. So how many of us I'm guilty of this are going to the worst case scenario or thinking about that fear, and we're spiraling down into the motion we are becoming them and how much power do we lose of ourselves when we just let ourselves become that emotion, right? We are not powerless. Right. We have communities, we have coalitions that are working against these, these forces that are trying to instill hatred and bigotry and discrimination. There are forces working against that. And so, when we indulge in the emotions, it's, it's really, Kind of caving into this victim mentality. This woe is me. I have no power. There's nothing there. And, and you're just going to enhance your powerlessness, the feelings of powerlessness that are, that you're feeling. So if you truly want to regain your power, we got to separate ourselves from the emotion and what's real, right. And invite people to, to be curious, right. To invite curiosity into what's going to happen because yeah, it might be terrible. We might have to, to fight, we might have to face a lot of challenges in the future. And we might see an even bigger, more positive vision come through this. So hold that thought. Go ahead. Hold that thought, say it again. Cause I just got goosebumps. The curiosity. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really powerful. Yeah. I actually, I have to thank my, my coach and mentor who called me out. Cause I said, this is what's going to happen. I'm going to have to hear the words, groomers and slurs for the next four years. And I'm going to face discrimination if I want to have kids and all these things. And she's like, did you notice your language? But if you said will, and I was like, Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm almost like manifesting this. I'm accepting that as my reality, but she's like, invite curiosity. And so when I encourage you all to do that, if you invite curiosity, yeah, that may happen, that may be a part of your future. And also what goodness might come from this, the strength in our communities, the strength and resilience of humans that we might become the opposition that we create and the better vision that we have in two years and four years in the next election cycles. So when we're curious. That's where there's more power, there's more choice, and we're not victims to the emotions, we're not victims to the fear that they want us to have. Okay, podcast is done. I think we can leave it right there. Okay. No, that's really powerful. I want people to hear that. It's, we are not educated and developed to have that conversation about the curiosity of what may happen. That's not where we live strongly, if I can say that without Mincing my words, because we want to go to that bad place. We're constantly bombarded with the news, with the media, with social media, with people coming after us, with conversations, with that kind of despair. To sit in a space of curiosity, in the moment of upset, breakdown, let's say, is a really powerful tool. So thank you to your coach and thank you for bringing that up. And I wanted to say one last thing before you move on to the next one. I, I, I, I'll never forget hearing someone say to me, and I've, I've, I've used this. A dozen times in the last week is that fear is false expectations appearing real. That's what fear is. Yet we've made it so many other things. We've convinced ourselves and we attach a physical manifestation of an emotion around it. But if you look at that, it's just your false expectations appearing real. That's what the fear is. So then you can take that and then stand in the space of curiosity. Right. Yeah. So it's important for people to realize that the reason we're having this conversation today is there are steps to this. This is not one morning you wake up and Oh, there you are. You've got it figured out. We have to walk through these steps. It's like going to the gym. You're not going to get that strength that you need unless you go do those damn squats that I hate from my trainer or those crunches or all of those exercises that build your strength. So this is a really, really important. Really powerful conversation. I'm so grateful that we talk a little bit about this standing in, in the curiosity. I love that. Okay. Continue. Yeah, no, that's great. And so you can avoid your emotions. You can indulge in them. And then there's, there's two more. The third way is you react to them. And I think this is what you were speaking to before that the reactions that we often have as a community. And so it's immediate, it's impulsive. And it follows a strong emotional trigger, right? Following an election and what that might mean. But what happens is when we react to these circumstances. We actually give up our power to external events. And I don't know about you, but I don't want other events. I don't want the world to be in charge of my behavior. I want to be in charge of my behavior, right? And so when we can truly honor emotion, sit with it, not react from it, then we have more power again and who we're wanting to be. So that we can create the future. We want to, because that react, sorry, quick, quick question. Is the reaction though, our need for an answer immediately? Oh, absolutely. It's, it's a need for an answer. It's being backed into a corner as well. And it's like, what do you do when you're backed into corner? You just want to fight. You want to react. You want to post viciously online, cut people off, name calling. And you fall victim to that, right? You're, you're in a survival state. It's bringing you back to the worst case scenario, maybe past experiences that you've had in discrimination and, and really replaying those out and how you react to those situations. So it's, it's. It's challenging, especially when, I mean, this, this is a real threat, right? And the, the worst case scenarios are very bad, and we have to be real with ourselves about that. So it's understandable why we'd want to react and what this means. But I, I would challenge you all to, especially if you were surprised at the results of the election. If you were surprised, you're, you're living in an echo chamber. Thank you. And if we're going to win back the Senate in 2026, if we're going to win back the presidential race 2028, we're not going to build the coalition that we need in our safe spaces, living in our echo chambers, right? 10 million democratic voters didn't show up. So if we're unable to really set aside our triggers and be able to have difficult conversations with people who disagree with us. I'm not saying you need to go talk to, you know, the racist, the actual race, homophobic people, or the, the super mega people, but the people who are genuinely decent people and bring them and include them into our vision, right? We're not going to, we're not going to get the house back. We're not going to build the vision we want to. And that's hard work. And I think for, for you and I, Eric, we're, we are very lucky. To be living in California, first of all to be gay men in California and with that privilege, like we have the opportunity to have those difficult conversations in a healthy and effective way. And that's really important. So if we're going to react and just block everyone that disagrees with us, cut people off completely. Like, I don't think that serves us now. I do think it's important that everyone honor their mental health. I mean, you, you don't have to go to the Thanksgiving dinner with your, your family that are Trump supporters. You don't have to do any of that. Right. But I do want to invite the idea of relationships as being dials. And you can turn up the dials of the people that truly support you and see you and want to fight for your rights. And you can turn down the dials on the people that take a lot of effort and a lot of proving of your worth and a lot of fighting to, to advocate for yourself. But completely turning those off. is not good for you and your ability to communicate with people who are different than you. And I don't think it does any good for the movement that we need to get behind over the next four years. I do want to say as well, I so well said, I think that Protecting your own mental health is key and critical in this the thought process of removing yourself from a toxic conversation or a toxic relationship inside or outside of this election is really important to have with yourself, right? Or with someone, if you have a counselor or a therapist, have that conversation. I know for me over the last couple of days, there have been some circumstances where I triggered. Reacted. There've been some circumstances where I also knew that the conversation that was being had, although online was very against my own set of values. And for me, I needed to remove my, remove myself from even seeing that conversation because it was so painful. But yes, there are opportunities for us to have some conversations that will shift the paradigm. And we. You made the point about the people who sat out the election on the democratic side. I was at a store the other day purchasing something. I know the employees very well, a lot of young people. And and they were in a very different space. And, they said, how are you today? So I'm doing much better. I know they are an LGBTQ friendly establishment and. Several people out of the group said they didn't vote and it was not the day for me to have that conversation, but it did open me up to something that I was able to really access, which was in this age demographic that they are in. They aren't getting their news from the major news channels. They're not getting their news from their parents. They're getting the news from TikTok, from those sources that we already know can be incredibly problematic. And when the comment was made that those high up Elections don't affect me here in California, in San Diego is where I realized that there is work to do, that there's a lot of work to do. And those are the conversations that are for me, the easy ones to have in the beginning. So you know, when I saw the statistic of the people who didn't show up, when I saw the statistic of how he lost by four million less votes than he won in 2016, that opened up another conversation inside of my own conversation was that that's 15 to 16 to 17 million people. Who need to have a talking to and who are hopefully open to having that conversation as we move through the next couple of years, not from a place of attack, but from a place of, like you said, curiosity. So yeah, really well said. Well, that example is a perfect example of a place where I think any of us would want to react. Like, I think. If someone says the election in the higher up area is not going to affect me or the presidential, like, I would be so angry. I'm like, do you not realize how many people in red states are going to be Upset by that. And I think I fallen victim to this, but I think a lot of the democratic parties fallen into this, where we step into a place of arrogance and shaming people for being uneducated, and that just does not resonate, nor is it effective because when you shame people for not knowing what you know, or shame people for having a different vision of you, all you create is anger and resentment to what you're saying. They completely shut off. They get into a state of defensiveness. And I think of this quote from Audre Lorde. She says for the master's tools, we'll never dismantle the master's house. And we cannot become what we fight against, right? That's not going to create any real change. And so, and it sucks. Like, like, can we just hold space for a moment? Because that means. Us as queer people have to not only deal with our emotions, but then have these difficult conversations with people and how much work that is. I just want to acknowledge how much work that takes. I don't see any other way. I think back about our brothers and sisters in this community decades and decades and decades ago that faced what must've at the time felt like insurmountable fear and threat and how they push through. I think of somebody very much particular here in San Diego, who was one of the first out trans and what she went through and how she fought and how she's sitting here today and proud of who she is, proud of what she's done, proud of where we've come. And I wanted to be a fly on the wall of her living room on Tuesday to hear what she'd say, because I'm clear and I know that she was not going to overreact. She was not going to jump on social media and start blocking people. She wasn't going to jump on there and start calling names to our impending administration, but she was going to sit back and go, all right, here we are once again. Let's do this. It's time to move forward. And I think for me, that's Knowing that we've been down this road before I called it in my post the other day. This isn't our first rodeo It's not and it's gonna take all of us coming together Going through these processes of our emotions and I also think Nathan may you may be touching base on this in a minute or two But I think we need to be really clear Individually, who we are and the legacy that we want to leave in this world, because I believe that every single one of us that's put on this earth, whether they realize it through their lifetime or not is here to be of service. I think we're here to be of service. What we bring to our families, to our communities, to our friends, to our chosen families, to our work, to our lives, that's why we're here. And I think that when we get really clear on what that is, who we want to be, and the difference that we want to make, and it might be as simple as we just want to be. To let people know that we see them and we hear them and we acknowledge them. And if you spend your life going through the motions of acknowledging people and seeing people and celebrating people, then you're doing what you set out to do, but if you sit back and you resent people and you get angry and you don't do anything they want. And I think that's where we take our power back. That's what gets us through this. Not as as victims to the situation, but as empowered active people who are participating in the process of creating what we want to create. And I truly think we can create a better world through this. I do too. And I also think it's important to Call it what it is in that what we've experienced and what we've seen and heard over this last week and in the weeks and months and year leading up to the election, this racism and misogyny and bigotry and all this stuff is not new. This is not just happening within this last quarter of our year. This has been around for a long time. And I think you said it, I don't remember sure if you were, if we were online or you said it before we hit record, but it's in that complacency because life gets good and we get caught up in that exhale, right? And we take our foot off the gas. And sometimes we even get out of the car and we walk for miles and miles and miles. And then we realized that the only way we're going to get to our destination is we're back. And to get back in that car and catch up. And so I know for me, out of our conversation so far, and even in leading up to this conversation, that I'm never going to get out of my car. I'm always going to have my tools at my side, and there's going to be many more podcast episodes about those tools and what you can do to arm yourself with resilience and with strength and with confidence. But we always have to be mindful of. There is a life outside of our bubble, our vacuum, what did you call it? You called it something earlier, our little echo chamber, our echo chamber, which is such a great way to put it. We do. We are very blessed here. And yet the most emotion that I have felt this last week has been for everyone else who doesn't live in the state is what are the young people doing in other parts of the country that are sitting in terror and sitting in fear because they're going to have to go back out into their own lives. And, you know, I don't know, I don't know what to do about that. Other than let that emotion that I'm feeling be the catalyst for me to speak up and to use this platform that I've created and having conversations so that if we can connect with someone out in our world to reach out to one of those young people or to be cognizant that they're out there, then, then, then that's what we have to do. That's what I have to do. And that's why I'm doing what I'm doing. And well, I think what you're actually doing right now is, is, is the fourth step, which is honoring your emotion or so that not the fourth step, but the fourth way to respond to emotion is to truly honor it. And you're sitting with that, that emotion of, of what other people are going to be going through and the fear you have for them. And so, You can avoid the emotions, you can indulge in them, you can react from them, or the most powerful way to respond to emotions is to honor them. And so it's recognizing these emotions as signals from the world. And just without judgment, just allowing yourself to experience that either through meditation, through journaling, through exercising, or like what you're saying, Eric, is to transmute that emotion into something better. What is it that you want to build in this world? You know, and I think just to add to some of that emotion, right? Like we're here to having this conversation. This is a great way to honor the emotion too, is I'm feeling angry. Like that's such like almost a rage and, and it's very present. I'm feeling angry for women and the, the double standard that we have for presidency. Like we had an incredible, competent, qualified woman and and the double standard there. Did nobody watch the Barbie movie? And what America Ferrero is talking about? And the double standard that women have to face. So I'm angry for them. I'm angry for trans people who are just used as this political football and, and demonized and all this news that gets sensationalized about them. All they want to do is just to be alive. That's all they want. And I'm, I'm nervous for, for the world. I'm nervous for kids and red states. So in that emotion though, if I stay there, if I stay stuck in that anger, if I stay stuck in that sadness, we can't build what it is that we need to build. I can't be who I want to be. That's going to make a difference again, over the next two to four years of what we need to do. So we have to honor it. We have to leave it where it is. And we have to transmute that energy into something positive. Yeah, I think that's important Nathan, to be able to take those emotions. You use the word transmute, it's a very grown up word for me. I'm gonna say channel. Yeah, there you go, channel. I need to channel. I know that I'll remember transmute, but I'll remember channel. But I think it's important. And I want, I want our listeners to be able to share this out with the community. I think there is a way for, and the young members of our community. And I think there is a way for this. Part of our community, these young people that have had the coming out process, let's face it, relatively easier than when I did when I was 24. Maybe a little easier, let's say, and I use the word easier in that it's just become, in many places, much easier because there is so much more evidence of our existence. There's so much more evidence of our joy and love and support and the beauty of this community that has always been here, by the way, always been here forever. We are not new. The trans community is not new. So, there's been so much more exposure, but I think if we can channel all of that. Into baby steps. There might be some people who are thinking, I don't have the ability to make the huge impact. I don't have the platform. I don't have the resources. There are a multitude of ways that people in communities across this country, red or blue states, to be able to reach out to organizations, within their community. Communities or within the country where they can tie into resources that are there to support them. And I hope that, and I'm, I'm watching it already happen that so many organizations are coming into these local community movements, getting the word out that they're there. Here's what's available. Here are the hotlines. Here are the resources. Here are the groups that you can talk to. You're a parent, you need support, here's that group. You're a child that needs support, here's that group. You're trans and you need support, here's that group. And if we don't have it near you, we're going to find it. And I also believe in my heart of hearts that this is going to happen for the women in our lives who are facing this issue of abortion and, the health care that they need, they're also going to mobilize. They're also going to make sure that their community, that the women are able to find those resources and find that support. This is not exclusively an LGBTQ issue. So I'm very comfortable in my stance that if we can mobilize these community based efforts, then we will continue to build stronger and stronger and stronger. forces to be able to channel that positivity, that not as eloquent. I'm really struggling with my words this last week and I'm tired. I'm super tired. I know I'm tired. I'm just exhausted, Nathan. And, and thank goodness that we have an opportunity to talk it out. But we're tired, you know, I was listening to what you're saying. And I just real quick, I, I sat back yesterday and was journaling a step that I use to kind of get some of my thoughts and feelings out. And what I noticed was so interesting was, is that I have an incredible support structure, you friends, family, and there are still some things that I will not say or hesitate to say, but I was able to get out on paper. I don't know why. But I just did. And I put it on paper. And what I started to notice was that with every amount of vitriol that I was spilling on these pages, it lightened me up a little bit more. And I realized that that was just my response and my reaction. So that's just another thing I want to encourage people to do. Don't always think that you have to speak the words, write them out. If you're feeling angry, grab a journal, start writing out how you're feeling. Write out and, and if you want to get angry, if you want to use some four letter expletives that you wouldn't necessarily use in the presence of other people, write it out, right? That's so important to be able to get that out because at the other side of that exercise, I thought, all right, I've got some work to do. Who were some of the guests that I can get on this podcast, this platform to have conversations about. about dealing with these emotions. Who can I talk to that's going to show support to the trans community? Who can I get on here who could support, show support to the women who are dealing with their own abortion rights and their own, you know, health and medical care, who can I, and I wrote a list of 27 people. But the next thing that was really important, Nathan, was I didn't just look at that list and go, wow, there's 27 people on there. I had to take the next step. I had to reach out to those people. A majority of those people don't know me from Adam, don't know I have a podcast, don't know who I am. And I had to formulate a conversation with them that would intrigue them enough to pick up the phone and call me. And seven people responded within the first 24 hours of that outreach and said, yes, I'll come on the podcast. Let's talk about it. So there's action. And then there are follow up actions that we need to take because this is not going to happen if we just sit back and try to do it alone. I say this all the time, my mind when left to its own devices is not always the safest place to be. It can go dark really quick, right? Your, your monologue can go dark pretty quick. Absolutely. No. And I think what you did is a perfect example of, of honoring your emotion. Right. You didn't avoid it. You didn't indulge in it. You didn't react from it. You wrote it down in your journal. You honored what was there. And in that, it brought you clarity to the path forward. And again, when we can focus on what we're actually doing and contributing to make this world better, that's the light at the end of the tunnel that we need to be focusing on. And in that again, to, to your point about being tired, this is going to be a long journey. Yeah. This is. And I will say this is going to be a never ending journey. This is something we're always going to have to work towards. And so it's important that we, we pace ourselves, give ourselves time to really rest and honor what's been happening these next couple weeks. Give ourselves time to balance out a routine that, you know, builds our resilience through exercise, nutrition, through meditating your mental health, joining community, And then when you have that energy, when you have that routine and that foundation set, then look for the helpers or become the helper. What are you building? Right. But I think when some people just don't know what to do there's always people doing things. And if you find those people and you find a cause that really means a lot to you, right, you can contribute so much in that area. I think another thing, and you and I've talked about this many times off recording and you've taught it is breathwork. And for me, it's something that is so easy to do in the moment because I can bring on anxiety very quickly. And when it comes on, I can also manifest it into something much bigger. And so you and several other practitioners that I not only follow, but I work with and have had conversations with on this podcast teach ways that you can use a breath work technique to be able to. Get more present, get more into your body because I know that when I'm in that state of anxiety or fear, the other day I had a panic attack, over something that someone said online, literally had a, attack sitting in my living room. I use that breath work to pull myself out of that panic and to realize that I was just reacting to a story. I was reacting to someone else's conversation that wasn't mine. And within that 10 minute breath work session of just grounding myself, breathing, very, being very conscious of my breath, being very conscious of how I was inhaling and exhaling and the thoughts that came, putting myself in a really beautiful spot at the beach. It's my go to place within 10 or 15 minutes. I brought that anxiety down to a zero. And I think if we can get into the habit and whatever it is for anyone, whether it's taking a walk out in nature, taking a walk around the block, singing, dancing, you're a big proponent of dancing, getting out there and moving and feeling and. Getting yourself grounded and getting yourself back into your body, back into your heart and back into your thought process. It's going to be a lot easier for us to get through. I know I'm going to have to use those techniques many, many times over the next couple of months and probably couple of years to be able to bring myself back to myself. Does that make sense? Because I know that's something we've talked about. There's a benefit to that, right? That's, that's the foundation that you, you have to have that foundation in your mindset and your capacity. And if you are not nurturing yourself and filling yourself up, you cannot give back in a healthy way. Right. And, and I think for a lot of people who are in this work of advocacy or in this work of nonprofits and organizations that they give back, it's so easy to give so much yourself and give all of yourself. And. it's going to lead to burnout. It's going to lead to ineffectiveness and, and you deserve to be happy and enjoy your life. Because if you're not, what is the point of all the work that we're doing? Yeah. Right. And so, yeah, we got to take care of ourselves. Yeah. I'm going to ask our listeners to just do us a favor. And that is We've got to be very conscious of what we're saying on social media. And when we, this is going to be hard for people, but when we get on and we start to post our own form of anger or hate or responses to other people's posts, all it's doing is perpetuating that. Emotion, that anger, that fear. So my encouragement to people is feel free to post how you feel, but how you feel not in relation to how somebody else feels, don't be the bandwagon jumper. Be the creator of your own conversation. Be the creator of your own empowerment. If you're angry, say you're angry. But say why. If you are upset and you're hurt, say why. But create the space of the conversation for you, that is empowering, not just agreeing what everyone else is saying. I did something, I made a promise to myself, Well, actually four years ago was that I was never going to utter the name of certain people that were running for office on my social media or my podcast. And I've been super, super successful at that. But what I've done was choose to actually flip to the other side and post support for the people that were running for offices up and down the ticket in multitude of States, because they stood for the values that I had. So there was somebody in our coursework that we did together. who said, rather than be anti war, be pro peace, rather than anti LGBT, be for love. Be for something. Be for something, not against something. Be for it. Create that space of possibility, to create that space of, of a conversation that will change and shift the paradigm. That's also super important. So do all those things for you, do all those things that gets you strong and healthy, but in doing so also what you're putting out to the world and what you're putting out to your friends and to the community is equally as important. That's something for me that I think is really, really, really critical right now is that we have an opportunity to express ourselves, but let's do it for us, not for someone else. And I think in doing it that way. it is more sustainable. Mm-Hmm. Rage and anger are powerful motivators. I'm not even gonna lie to you all. They are, but they are not as sustainable as building a vision in to terms of what you want to build and, and doing it in joy and community and that vision of joy that we might be grieving. Mm-Hmm. of the, from this last election, we can still have that. Right. And we can still work towards creating that vision of joy and inclusivity. So again, yeah, working towards things is not only effective, but it's sustainable. Well, I'm going to be clear. I'm certainly not saying that I haven't been angry and I haven't been very, I'm gonna use the word pissed off these last couple of weeks. And, and have said many things to many people, but I'm very right. And I'm very careful though, of where to put that anger and where to put that hate, because it doesn't serve me on social media. It doesn't, it can serve me in the context of my conversation. So I've said some pretty. hard and harsh things to say. I've even been thinking about going and signing up for one of those sessions and one of those places where you take a bat and you just beat the crap out of like furniture and TVs. And, and it makes me smile. The thought of going in and picturing certain things as I beat the crap out of them makes me very happy. So yes, I have to process my own anger. But to your point is that we, we have your anger, have your frustration, have it, experience it. Feel it. Right? The best advice you gave me and the best advice my therapist gave me was to feel that anger I felt around my divorce. Feel it. But I didn't need to go out to the world to tell everybody how pissed off I was at my ex husband. It didn't do any good. It wasn't going to do any good because what happened happened. We're in that same spot. What has happened has happened. And now we need to process these emotions that you and I have so wonderfully spent some time talking about today. And we need to go out and we need to make a difference. And I love what you said. I I saw I live in a community. That I love. And I moved here very much to be in, in Encinitas part time. I moved here after I left the desert. I was going to plant myself here for a year, and then I was going to move to Hillcrest, or I was going to move to North Park, or South Park, or PB. I was going to find that kind of cool, hip, vibe place to live. And I've stayed here, actually celebrating my five year residency here this week. In this house. But what's so interesting and what I love about this neighborhood is, is that the community really cares for each other. And we have conversations. We're out walking our dogs, we're walking with the kids. And on Wednesday, I was barely out of bed. I was literally sitting on my bed crying and scared. And the doorbell rang. And it was a neighbor that I see every morning on my walk with Luka. And every morning, we smile, we say hi, she's got her headset on, she's power walking, and she's doing her thing, and I'm walking the dog. And we've had maybe a few conversations. never about politics, about the dog, about my relationship, about dating. We were laughing. She's got a friend she wants to introduce me to that kind of thing, right? Having those kinds of conversations. But she took the time on Wednesday morning to come to my house to ring my doorbell and rang it multiple times because I wasn't going to answer it. Finally answered the door and she goes, I came by just to see if you're okay. And I realized in that moment that what I had to do was get out of bed. What I had to do was cry, spent the day crying. I had to get out. I had to take the dog for a walk. I had to go to my favorite coffee shop. I had to smile. I had to see people. I had to be in that space and that energy. I had to come back. I had to do a little work. I had to take the dog out again. I had to see some friends. I had to get into that conversation and then we cried together. And then we had conversations about what's possible. But that one friend, and there were multiples over this last week, people have come by to check on me. They've seen me out walking. They've come to commiserate. We've hugged a lot. We've talked a lot on our walks, but it was that one doorbell and that one ring that got me to stand up and go, Oh yeah. Okay. That's right. This isn't the end of the world. This is the beginning. And this is where we take moments like that and we multiply them and multiply them and multiply them. And so. Before I ask you the last couple questions, I'm going to ask our audience to reach out to people, check on your friends, check on your family, check on the people that you care about, reach out, and if they don't answer, keep reaching out, keep checking on them, because we're going to need each other more now than ever, and knowing, just knowing that you've got one person out there, even if it's that neighbor who's just there to check on you, cherish that, and celebrate that. I'm super grateful to you, Nathan. I, I've said this to you many times. I think our friendship has evolved so much since we've met. And when I sit back and think of the people that I have in my life, like you and many others who have been on this podcast and many others that I circle around with, that the power and the empowerment that we bring each and to our community is a gift. And so I want to thank you for coming on today to talk during this difficult week and to have a conversation about how we navigate our way through these emotions. What else would you say to the listener who may be going, yeah, this is all great, but I don't know what to do still. I'm still a little bit, a little bit, a little bit of a loss. What do you say to them? That this is not a perfect process. This is a messy process and to pace yourselves and give yourselves grace. It's not like you're going to cry once and then just be okay for the next four years. Like this is an ongoing thing. It's like going to the gym. You have to be making it a routine to honor what you're experiencing. And in that moment that you described with that neighbor that you had of her checking on you. I think that's such a great example of something that needs to be consistent for, for us, right? Leaning on our support, taking time to journal taking time to. to build something. Because I think a lot of us too are really feeling invalidated. I think a lot of us are feeling like people were willing to gamble with our rights for the promise of a better economy and what that means to us. And I encourage everyone to turn up the dials on those relationships that not just see you, but take actions that support you and your rights. Like those are the connections that are going to feel you and empower you moving forward. So true. And what I do sometimes is try to bring a little bit of levity and a little bit of a smile to situations that may be hard. And I'm reminded of Mama Tits, this amazing drag performer in Puerto Vallarta. And her show was fantastic. It was funny. It was. Raunchy, it was just a rollercoaster. But at the very end, she said, Surround yourself with people who celebrate you. And it was in that moment that my life shifted. And I will forever give her credit for that, and for that moment, because we need to surround ourselves with people who will celebrate us, and that we celebrate. And so, as we wrap up this conversation, There are many more to have, I'm sure. You're always welcome to come back and, and, and talk more about these steps and about your, your process and your journey, but I just wanted to say, I'm grateful to you for coming on today. And I thank you for your words of wisdom and for your space that you create, not only for me but also for your friends and for your community and for your clients and for the world. It will ripple out. And so I just encourage everyone, please, if you need support, reach out, find someone, find a place, find a person it's out there. And we'll put up some resources in our social media for this podcast. But Nathan, I'll give you the, final words, if you like, as we wrap up this conversation today. No, just for, for anyone who's struggling or feeling alone you are not alone in what you're feeling. And we celebrate you, we see you, and we're gonna do whatever we can to, to protect you and those most vulnerable that's it. Thank you. All right, everyone. Thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just Do You Podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you can easily share the podcast and episode Directly with your friends. And if you would rate us and leave us a review, we'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at just do you pod. As you go out into the world today, remember to just do you. All right. Talk next week.