S2E15 with Alex Hinand - Resilient by Design

Welcome to this week's episode of JUST DO YOU., the safe space where authenticity meets inspiration. Today’s guest, Alex Hinand, affectionately known as The Bareback Contessa, is a radiant force in the world of design and fashion, known for his unique style, creative brilliance, and heart-centered approach to living. Like all of us, behind the confidence is a powerful story—one that began with being bullied for simply being different. His journey from exclusion to empowerment is a testament to the strength found in embracing who you truly are.

Alex shares his journey as a gay man who once felt like he didn’t belong but through his resilience, he transformed that early struggle into purpose, using fashion not just as expression, but as liberation. His unique aesthetic challenges norms, celebrates individuality, and invites others to do the same. Whether through styling, storytelling, creating community or simply showing up as his joyful self, he’s built a life that inspires others to live boldly and love deeply.

This episode is a celebration of resilience, creativity, and joy. It’s about reclaiming the parts of ourselves the world once told us to hide—and turning them into sources of power and pride. Get ready for an unforgettable conversation with someone who proves that being different isn’t just beautiful—it’s a superpower!

To follow Alex on Instagram, visit https://www.instagram.com/the_bareback_contessa_/

To follow Alex on TicTok, visit https://www.tiktok.com/@the_bareback_contessa_

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!

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Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll? Visit: https://ericnicoll.com

Transcript

0:05

Hello everyone. Welcome to the Just Do You Podcast. My name is Eric Nicoll, and I'm your host. If you are a first time listener, welcome to the conversation and if you're a regular, I'm honored that you've decided to join me for another episode. I. The Just Do You Podcast is centered around a network of conversations, which are meant to connect us, to inspire us, to find our own confidence, our own voice, and to live our own truth. And who knows, we might even learn a little something new that ultimately allows us to live in the sweet spot that I like to call the Just Do You space of being. Each week, I have the privilege of sitting down for unscripted conversations with friends, family, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers that all share their own personal journeys. I hope that you enjoy our time together as much as I have. We are certainly going to laugh, and yes, we might even cry a little, but in the end, we are going to know that we're not alone during our life's journey. So are you ready? Great. Let's do this. Welcome to the conversation. All right everyone. Welcome to today's episode. I'm just going to jump right in and introduce you to Alex Hinden. Hi Alex. Hi. How are you doing? Hi. Wonderful. Thanks for joining me this morning. Happy to be here. Oh, I appreciate it. I'm going to go ahead and introduce you a little bit and just jump right into the conversation. But as I was sharing with you before we hopped on I am very honored that you're here. I spent a little time on your social media platform and it was a perfect recommendation. But for our listeners today. Alex is based in Chicago and he is really passionate about blending his creativity with operational experience and thriving what he calls the intersection of arts management, content creation and community engagement, fellow event producers. So we share that in common. He has over a decade of. Experience and leading high performing teams and overseeing multimillion dollar projects and has forged even strategic partnerships that leave lasting impacts. But the thing that caught my attention in his profile was this outside of work, Alex champions authentic self-expression through plus size men's fashion and interior design. We're going to talk a lot about that and as a brand partner and event host, super creative and again, very glad to have him here. The comment that you made in your bio was at the heart of everything that you do is a commitment to building vibrant communities that connect, empower, and inspire. And that is something that I think is so important today. And so I think that's going to be the overtone of our conversation. So thank you again for being here. Thank you for having me and that yeah. Good good. And as I was spending some time with you on social media, as we do these days, that's how we get to know people. I was taken a lot by a few things. Number one, impeccable style. Love your apartment and love your work. But I also loved this sense of calmness and joy and peace. That was really palpable for me. And so I want to talk a little bit about that as we weave through this conversation. But I'd like to take my guests back to the beginning. With your permission, I would like to know a little bit about the young Alex. Where were you born? What was family dynamics? Only child. Multiple siblings, parents, what was that like? And if you don't mind sharing when you came out. Yeah. So I was originally born in Detroit, Michigan. I. Lived there for about three and a half, almost four years. Moved out to suburbs of Portland, Oregon. Right across the river in Washington. Lived there for a bit. Moved to Florida Southwest Florida, back to Michigan, back to Florida. Moved around a lot. Moved around a lot as a kid. Then went to school in Tallahassee, Florida, and then moved to Chicago about seven years ago. Okay. Yeah been all around. Was not a, an army or military child, which is the question I get a lot about moving around that much. Family needs different expectations. We, we followed my grant. Sure. A lot. I have one brother he is three years younger than me, also gay. But he's like total opposite. He is like six five. He's this big, not a hair on his body. So really like very different looks about us. I. I was a very shy kid. My mom said, or she still says that she used to like, cry herself to sleep over how shy I was. And she was worried that I friends. And I think part of that, being a, I've always been a bigger guy. I've always been chunky being, more flamboyant, more, what now is gay now? I didn't realize it at the time. I was very easy target for bullying and I very much kept to myself. I did not want to be seen or perceived or like I just wanted to go to school, come home until I got involved in music. And then started to come outta my shelf through band, through playing the clarinet, the dedication to that wound up going to school for clarinet performance. Then moved into more in a, of an administrative role, and now I'm in this, creator space. So that's kinda like the very business version of Sure. Where am I? Yeah, my parents are still together. So I grew up in, the nuclear family of two kids. I'm just, I'm curious what it was like, growing up, obviously you both weren't out at the time, but I think it says a lot about. Who we are in our youth. And what I find in doing all of these interviews now two seasons in, is that a lot of times our youth then dictates who we are and what we do in the future. Much more so than we think of when we're, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Even though we have these thoughts of maybe being different or having been bullied or having gone through the Norman Rockwell family as some do, I still think it shapes us for who we are in the beginning. So that's the direction that I was looking to see. It's what was that young Alex like? And were there moments of question or doubt as you were moving through this developmental stage of your life? Yeah, I. There absolutely was. Some of that, doubt and not so much on the gay side, to be honest. I like feel like being a, frankly, I identify as fat. I don't think of it as a bad word. It has a lot of negative stigma, but it is like just a descriptor. That's a word that I've worked a lot to reclaim and reclaim in the online space especially. But as a fat kid, that was what, predominated my pre. Freedom. Yeah. Yeah. That's a word. Sorry. Dominated. Yeah. Dominated your life. Sure. Dominated my life. That was what like most of my thoughts were from around wanting to be smaller, wanting to lose weight, like my pediatrician put me on a diet when I was seven. I had to then go in every month to see him, to see if I had lost a pound. And my mom did, every single fat diet or fad diet under the sun. She did Weight Watchers, she did Atkins, she did all of these things that I did with her as well as her chunky child that needed to lose some weight. Sure. So that I feel like that part of my life, took up such a big space that I didn't have room to like. Doubt or question being gay until like middle, maybe a little in middle school, but then I really crammed it down until college. Sure. Really took over my life. Yeah. Band and all of those kind of things. So I. We'll have to talk about band'cause we share that in common as well. I think a lot of us creative kids find our outlet in music and band and choir and acting and or drama, sorry, as they called it back then. I'm curious, you say that being unapologetically fat is a political statement. What does that mean? Explain that. I think that really in the last I. Four or five years, as we've seen our politics get so much more conservative. There's been a big wave back towards. Thin is in, and frankly, eating disorder inspiration and all of this content that really focuses on being as tiny as possible where maybe pre covid the pendulum had swung a little bit towards a more body posture, body acceptance, body neutral world. I. I wear a size 38 or 40 in gen or waist, which is the average waist size in the us. I can really no longer buy any pants in store. Most shops, old Navy J Crew any of your like, main Banana Republic, all of those like pretty standard brands only carry up to a size 36 in store. So I, we are relegated to shopping online. We are relegated to being hidden away in society, and I think that as just living as myself as a happy, thriving, fat person, flies in the face of all of that political propaganda against being happy and content in your body. So I think what's true about that statement number one, very powerful and says a lot. I've had this conversation now several times in the last week, but there is this, especially within the L-G-B-T-Q community, there is this image, right there is this conversation around what it means to be a gay man and that kind of buff toned used to be not, hairless body now is trimmed and coughed within an inch of your life. It says a lot about where we are as a community and where we are as a society. But what's interesting too is that I've battled and struggled with weight all the time. I'm six four. I carry it very differently than a friend of mine that's 5 8, 5 7. And so the conversations have been around that. I think what's fascinating to me is I grew up, I'm very tall. I'm six four. I've been six four I think, since I was in the fifth grade. So bullied about that, overshadowed the gay part, right? What's hard for me though, like you said, buying clothes off the rack. I can't buy clothes off the rack because I'm too tall and my arms are too long. And so Banana Republic, always a pipe dream for me. In school, I couldn't wear it. I had to roll the sleeves up. Now I grew up in the eighties and I was in high school from 80 to 84, I know we're, I'm much older than you, but that was the preppy stage, right? There were khaki pants, blue blazers, and white shirts so I get it. I really get it and I'm. Grateful that there are people that are out there living this authentic truth. And I find that to be predominantly true, especially within the Bear community. And I'm using that as a general term in this conversation, but the thing that I've been most fascinated by talking with Peter and John is this body positivity is emblazoned within that segment of our community. I've never seen it. That any other way other than within that community, there's always this sense of I have to be fit. And you guys just love yourself and embrace yourself. And it doesn't mean that you don't have the conversations, it doesn't mean that you have the underlying doubt or shame if you will. I'm sure we all have that. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. But where do you think that comes from this sense of empowerment within that segment of the community? I know for me personally it was this, like when I went off to college, started to come out, started to understand all of the, like gay subset stuff. Lack of a better term, different groups, different, stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It was. Learning about the bear community and people that looked like me, people that had body hair. It was one of the first times I ever really like, felt attractive and desirable to realize that there is this group of people that like, want somebody who looks like me. Where, from my, the 20 plus years of my life before that, I was told and made to feel that like I was completely undesirable. And to go out and see that kind of a community that, is thriving in, in, in certain places. This, yearning for, again a body positivity or a body acceptance outside. Very kind of stereotypical buff gay ma male perception that we all have. It's just this yearning for belonging, I think. But it's interesting that, in some ways I feel so welcomed by community like the Bears, but. I also can feel very like outside in groups because I am somebody who dresses more feminine. I have, I paint my nails on occasion and I dress a little bit more androgynous at times. So that is still a limitation of the bear community, I found Is this kind of playing with gender expression from a it's a different. Side of masculinity that I feel like the bear community at large can sometimes get locked in. You're going from one box into another. Yeah. And Peter, who you interviewed last week, was on last week's episode. Talk a lot about the differences between being gay and being queer. How that kind of shows up in our lives. And I know Peter feels very similarly of even though we have these characteristically, bearish figures. It is not always a group that feels the most welcoming to us because it's it still feels like such a gendered group. There's a lot of hyper-masculinity that is still very present in some bear events and some groups and some things. Yeah, I think it's important for our listeners that at the end of the day, we're human beings. At the end of the day, we are also individuals. At the end of the day, we make our own choices and we decide what works best for us in terms of how we dress and how we express ourselves. And I long for a world especially in these current circumstances that we're in, where we're being shoved farther back into the closet than we were. Although they don't know what's coming for them because I say you all, there's, two groups, you don't piss off women in the gaze.'Cause we come out fighting, but. I have been fascinated by watching some of the content on social media around masculinity and what it means to be masculine. And I will say this, there are many people listening on audio and don't see you. You have the most gorgeous hair, that is hair people would kill for, right? You have this beautiful smile. You dress impeccably, and when you do dress, you call it androgynous. I just called it super cool. The word androgyn never came into play. When I was looking at your content, I was like, and I have to be honest, I find sometimes these get ready with me posts that people do on social media to be hysterical. Because a lot of times I'm left with, oh, it's just the moment that they're in their underwear before they get dressed, that's that flash moment, right? And so when I started to watch your content and watch you put your outfits together and watch you have this style, what I really was captivated by was this, you own your. Sense of style, you own your confidence in those clothes. And I, like I said, I didn't see androgyny. I just thought, oh God, this guy's super cool. Is this what Chicago's like? I was intrigued by this, but it's because of how you handle yourself. The fact that you paint your nails is incredible. I am hoping, I'm working on it right now. For an upcoming episode to talk to this founder of an organization that is helping cisgendered straight men paint their nails and the expression of what happens with them when they go into public. I think it's amazing. We need to get to a point where we get to wake up in the morning and we get to embrace and celebrate who we are, regardless of our weight, regardless of our height, regardless of our. Whatever. We just wake up and we're proud of who we are. And I think Peter said this, it's like, what would life be like if you just woke up in the morning and you didn't judge yourself for looking in the mirror? And so I really saw that with you. Now we know that social media, we're not, we're all humans. We all have things. We all have circumstances. So I'm not saying life is always Pollyanna, but I really appreciate that about you and. I appreciate that the message that you're putting out there is that this is me, this is who I am, and I'm going to share with you my world. And for those who really resonate with it and latch on and become your followers which is evident, you have an amazing base of followers who love you and support you there. In that space because of who you are, it has nothing to do with the shirt you're wearing or the shoes that you're wearing. It has to do with who you're being for them. So that's the message that I really want our listeners to resonate with is that when we're out being ourselves, anybody, what that saying to people is that we're proud of who we are, and nothing that anyone can say will define us at the same time. Most of us who. Are going through life and I'm in my late fifties. I'm still unpacking the trauma that came from being teased and being taunted and bullied in school. I don't think we ever unpack that. But having people like you out in the world making a difference for people, does chip away at that? Do you agree? I absolutely agree. I don't remember seeing. Anyone who looked like me in represented in media, unless they were the butt of the joke, unless it was a joke about their size, a joke about their weight, a joke about how hairy they were or whatever. All through media growing up. So now if I. If I can, inspire one person who has a similar body type to me or similar, size or whatever. And I get like that all the time. Of, I have of people saying exactly that. I have a weird, I. Or a body shape that I didn't know how to dress. But seeing how you style your body has really inspired me to find wide leg pants or try a different style of a different fit of an outfit or whatever. I, something that's been really interesting to me. I. So on this, masculinity conversation of that has never really been a word that's been used to describe me. In fact, it was used against me for a long time, as by bullies and whatnot. I had, I get a lot of comments from people that are transitioning into more masculine bodies and. Saying that I'm a lot, I'm a big inspiration for them of how to dress in a more masculine way that helps them feel some sort of gender euphoria. Which for me is like a really interesting Yeah. Flipping of the script, for lack of a better term of fe Yeah. Just so bad for so long that I wasn't more masculine and that I wasn't these things. And now in a way I'm helping people be more masculine or present more masculine in a way so that they can feel more comfortable in their bodies. It's a really interesting, yeah. It's gotta be. It's gotta be. And I think it says a lot too about, your experience when you were growing up and being bullied. I believe in my heart that we go through those moments and they're hell in the moments. They're awful and they are life changing. But what's interesting is we get older and then you realize that. You're helping someone that is dealing with their own insecurities about who they are through your own experience. And to be a young person these days, or someone transitioning these days, I can't imagine it. I don't know that I would've survived, and that's a little dramatic. But with social media and the comparisons and all of that, and the bullying and the constant barrage of attacks coming from every which way, including our current administration. I don't know how. And by the grace of God, these young people are pushing through. And I think there's a resilience to them because there are those of us that have been through this in the past and we're standing here saying, we're not going anywhere. And we're, I think, even more proud now to be who we are than maybe we were a couple years ago or a decade ago. So when you. Get up in the morning. I'm curious as an influencer'cause I am certainly not. When you get up in the morning, do you think it through or do you just go about your day and it just now becomes so natural and flows out of you if you will? A little bit of both. I, I. Some of my content is very organic of the moment, especially on TikTok. I can just rant and talk shit as I feel like every now and then. But I do put a fair amount of planning into Instagram especially, which usually has to be a little bit more tailored. But I know what days I'm going to be filming or what days they plan on filming so that I can get ready and look a certain way. I know I want to, do this kind of an outfit. I I. Now I'm getting ready to move. So like a lot of my content focused in that direction. But there's a lot of days that I just like. Especially trying to balance a full-time job with content creation, with interior design clients and all of that. Like yesterday, my partner and I hosted a wine tasting event. And because so much of my content is around demystifying entertaining and how people feel comfortable inviting people into their homes, I was going to make a video around it. I was going to film my thought process of, this is what I want to serve, this is how I'm going to food together, et cetera. I did not have the energy to do that. I barely had the energy to like, get everything together for all people to come over in the afternoon. So I gave myself that grace to not force myself to be on camera when I wasn't feeling myself. I, I. I think especially because I try to be so authentic maybe almost to a fault. I try, I set up all these artificial timelines for myself as we all do. But I try to give myself the grace when I'm really not feeling like being on camera or really not feeling like being, perceived in that kind of way. To not to, not to take day. I can always film tomorrow. Finding that balance so that I don't burn myself out. Is there an intentionality behind each post? There usually is. Some of it is just, again, me talking about some topic that's got me heated or some thought that I'm having. And funny enough, those are the videos that do the best, have a video that. I my partner and I were going to a gay campground in Michigan, and my grandma called on the way and she made a joke. I said, we were going camping, and she made a joke of oh, we'll look out for the bears in the woods. And so I made a silly offhanded joke about we'd love to see some bears in the woods or whatever. And that got. 1.5 million views on Instagram and build me in a few thousand more followers and Wow. And I've had some other off the cuff videos, like just blow up. So I do, I try to balance like really intentional. I. Content planning and things that I know I want to talk about, things I know I want to show off and give myself room to not only participate in trends when there's something fun and silly that I want to do, but also for those like off the cuff thoughts, just further show that kind of authenticity that I have that I value. When you were in school high school and college, did you have an idea that you were going to go into interior design or event production or any of that? Absolutely not. Especially not the interior design side. I graduated high school thinking I was going to be a professional clarinettist. So that's what I, did my bachelor's in. And then I got. I had a picture that I started to have tendonitis pains all through my thumb. And my clarinet professor at the time told me that it was all in my head and she just pushed through the pain. So by the time I finished my, my, my degree, I couldn't play anymore. I had to take some, I took about six years off and have only just getting back into playing and performing again. Talking about unpacking trauma. It's only been as I've unpacked some of the trauma from frankly verbally abusive high school band director and borderline abusive college professor. Have I been able to like, make music again in a way that feels good and doesn't feel like. Punishment. So that was my plan going into undergrad. Did a Master's in arts administration worked a lot in, so I wanted to, get on the behind the scenes administrative side of the arts. Did a lot of like company management and event production on live performances side. Then covid hit and that kind of turned my world upside down as it did so many people. I really got frustrated with. The lack of action from arts organizations. From a covid perspective of, arts organizations have been talking for years about how their audience was graying and dying and they needed to introduce, welcome new audiences and make more people feel connected to the art. What a perfect time to restart and try new things and see how you can attract a new audience in, when you don't have to get people to come to the theater and I, none of that happened, many organizations like sitting around, including where I worked at the time, organizations just sitting around twiddling their thumbs, waiting for Covid to end. That combined with the lack of action during the 2020 Black Lives Matter uprisings. Seeing how little, yeah, how little I saw arts organizations. Taking accountability and trying to make amends to improve their, the diversity of their programming, diversity of their performing musicians, diversity of their staff. So I worked in I left the arts, worked in community organizing for a couple years. Did not really enjoy that the way that I thought it would, I would saw, there's still so many problems in the nonprofit. World as it exists, but there were just a lot of issues in the organization of classism of, educational elitism and like all of these things that like, didn't seem to line up with the work that we were doing externally. So went back to the arts and really since. Then I think as so many of us have been looking for I was craving, more flexibility in my schedule, more freedom to take more time off to travel, to, to work for myself to to do, set up my own guidelines and expectations and stop, giving so much of myself over to other people in other organizations and other communities. So that kind of went hand in hand with starting to build a channel during the Covid Lockdowns. The a apart my Ex at the time, and that the unhappiness there and trying to find an outlet. All of those paths merged to. Bring me to where I am today. With content, with I didn't start it thinking that it would be a, a full-time income and it's not yet, but I would love to get it to that. That point. Did it surprise you that so many people were going to jump on the Alex bandwagon? Did that surprise you? It does. I was at a point. I'm thinking about a little over a year ago was when my platform like really exploded. I went from just around 10,000 followers to 25,000 over the course of like truly three days. I had two videos that blew up simultaneously that brought so many new people in. Also brought a lot of hate my way. Oh, sure. Anytime a video gets almost 3 million views, like add negativity thrives on social media algorithms. And the more that they can push my video to people that they know are going to hate it and leave an angry comment that, that, that is attention on their side. So it's right. Does that motivate you to do more or does that hinder you? What or is it case by case basis? A little bit of both. I, I have very thick skin as far as, one-off comments and all of those things go, I can take it in stride and make jokes around it and make content around, the very stupid things that people say and comment. But when it starts to come in. When a video really starts going viral on the wrong side of the algorithm and getting hundreds and hundreds of comments you to kill yourself it, it gets overwhelming. Just that sheer the vol, it's the volume of it that really starts to like in the way of my creativity and my content. And then I, I've, now that it's happened four or five times, I. I know I need to take a step back, leave the phone alone, let it die down on its own, and then I can restart. But ul ultimately it does motivate me to keep, yeah. In what shouldn't be controversial content, but is controversial content. Sure. Yeah. A little bit of both. Yeah. I think it's really, I. Revealing. I was talking with someone a couple weeks ago and I said, so much of the hate that comes is, and it's easier said than I think understood is that's all about them, right? The comments that come don't have anything to do with you. And I asked her name is Bambi Salcito. She's, head of a trans organization here trans Latina organization here in Los Angeles, and she gets it daily. And I said, why do you think there is so much hate? Why do you think it comes back at you? And she said something very interesting to me that has completely changed my perspective on social media and these responses. And that is that if you can think that someone who's coming after you like that is simply. Upset that you are actually outliving your authentic life and they can't, then it what it, I'm hoping what it does for people, and it's certainly done this for me, is it diminishes the attack because it makes me feel sad for them and longing for them and have some empathy for them that maybe one day they'll learn what that feels like to truly be themselves and to be self-expressed and learn, and. I get a lot of flack for saying that.'cause they want to annihilate people, but I'm like, why are we going to give them back the same thing that they give us? Just I have some compassion and say, I, I feel sorry that you haven't been able to fully live your self-expressed life. And so I don't know, I don't have millions and millions of views on my videos and on my posts yet, yet, but I think. Learning from others and their conversations, it would motivate. I, there was a time in between seasons that I really questioned, especially around the time of the election. I'm like, do I really want to do this? Do I have the stomach for it this year? Do I want to keep pushing through? And a very good friend of mine, and someone who I hold very dear said, yeah, but if you help one person, if you make a difference in one person's life by listening to your episode, or Alex seeing, one of your. Posts and we help one person feel a little bit better about themselves or get some courage and confidence, then we've done our job. And that far outweighs all of this hate that comes at us. And so I want to say thank you for finding that space to push through. And again, I liken it back to the bullies back in school is I believe in my heart and. I'm not a very religious person, but I do believe in spirituality and higher powers and intention and universe. But I believe everyone is put on this earth to be of service to someone else or to others, I should say. And when we learn that, we don't know that at a very young age, but when we learn that in our adult years, it makes a lot of sense of who we were as a child, and the bullying that we went through. And I used to hide in, again it was 1980s. We walked around in loafers and khaki pants, rolled up and blue shirts, and we carried a handbook. For God's sakes, it was the preppy handbook. I wish I still had that book by the way, but I used to hide in an administrator's office because I was completely terrified of running into the jocks and running into, all those people that, that bullied me and other friends like me that were at the time some of us dealing with our sexuality. And I remember going to my high school reunion. I think it was my 20'cause I couldn't make my 10 and I sat in the car 20 years after graduating. Terrified, was going into this person's house who used to taunt me in school. And I remember walking into the house and not to be one of those gays, but let's face it, sometimes we age a little bit differently than our. Heterosexual counterparts'cause we don't have kids and wives and other things. And that's a total stereotype and I own it at this moment. But I walked into the house and this very person who basically taunted me, I was afraid he was one going, they're going to go too far. Actually came up to me and said, how is it that you still. Look like you did in high school. How is it that you are so successful? How is it that you're always showing up like you just love your life? And I said, because of people like you who taught me very early on that there was something wrong with me. And when I came to the conclusion after coming out, I. At 24 and having the support that came at me from the people who really, truly loved me and really, truly understood it, made all that other stuff simply a life learning lesson and whatever it was that you were going through at that time, I have some empathy for that, and he didn't know what to say. And I said there's nothing to say, but just know that all of us go through circumstances in our life that we have no control over. And then as we get older, I find it fascinating that we're all in this space of giving back. And if we just took a moment and realized that one kind comment. One wonderful post on social media can make someone's day and change someone's life and maybe change the trajectory of their thought process, which could be pretty dark. Some will say puts a great deal of responsibility on us, but I say it's a privilege and I say it's an opportunity to know that who we are can be out making a difference. I want to thank you for that and I want to thank you for putting that message out because I know that there are people that are looking at your content and that are feeling good. Joy is something that I talked about with both of my last two guests, and it's something that I really see in your content as well. Is joy something that's important to you? It is. Yeah. And talking about, what, how you felt around the time of the election of do I need to keep doing this? Is it worth, all of the additional pressure and is it making any kind of a difference? I go through that same am I doing enough thought in my content of is me, just existing as a fat queer person, is that enough? Should I be, should my content be innately more political? Should I have some of these hard conversations? Should I, and while I do, while I'm not afraid of talking about anything, I am a, a. Pot stir when I need to. I have no problem saying the hard things that other people may not feel comfortable saying. I think there is a lot of weight in. Yes. Could I be doing more? Yes, we all can, in theory, be doing more, but I think there is something to be said for just showing up as a happy, fat, queer person, living a life that I have built for myself that I love, helping other people do the same thing for themselves. Helping them get comfortable having a friend over for dinner and building community in, in their home, and showing how much fun and how simple it can be. I think that there is a lot of weight to that. So showing that the joyful parts of of my life I think are just as important as having having those difficult conversations. Yeah. Maybe those difficult conversations happen within the context of your dinner party, potentially not on your platform and not on your social media. I believe, I do not believe anyone's mind is going to be changed in the comment section. I think that we can see content that starts to move us in a more progressive direction. I know it has sparked seeing, a TikTok from somebody on the left or whatever has sparked a lot of like personal research and personal thoughts and unraveling and all of that. So I think it, social media is a starting point. It is far from the end point. All that, yeah, I think you're right. By creating a comfortable atmosphere in my home where everybody feels comfortable and welcomed and can let their guard down, can allow some of those more difficult conversations to happen. You on several of your posts and stories you've talked about this concept of entertaining in your home, but you talk about it in, in your bio as well about creating these vibrant communities. That's really what you're doing, quite frankly, is building this vibrant community. And I wonder what it feels like to you, like what's the emotion that you feel knowing that thousands, if not millions of people are. Watching you and taking your positivity and your comments and your posture and your confidence out into the world. Do you really get a sense for Alex the impact that is, or is it just too big to wrap your head around? It's, I appreciate all of the, comments and messages that I get from people who, say that I've inspired them who, I help them have their first dinner party, or I help them, redecorate their home or like all of these things. So I very much appreciate it when it comes virtually, but I, especially in my neighborhood, I get recognized once or twice a week of people who love my content, of people who are inspired by me. So like those. In-person interactions definitely hit like a lot harder. Able to like explicitly put a face to a name. My partner and I were at, Chicago Pride last year. And there's a big the big LGBT health organization here is called Howard Brown and they have a resale store. Called Brown Elephant and I adore brown elephants. They've got some amazing secondhand items. I've gotten some really cool stuff and all the proceeds go back towards Howard Brown Health. Long story short they were in some pretty tough Union, union negotiating contracts with Howard Brown last year, and some of the store employees called for a strike. Of the stores don't shop in Howard Brown. Don't shop at Brown Elephant until, the, we have a fair contract. So I made a. Again, off the cuff TikTok about so we're not shopping at Brown Elephant right now. Here are some other thrift stores that you can check out instead. So we can, so we're not crossing this picket line. And someone who worked at Howard Brown who worked at Brown Elephant through all of their negotiations, saw me at Pride with my partner and came up and really thanked me for that. For advocating and showing up for the workers and utilizing my audience to help further their negotiations. Hopefully 1, 2, 10, 20 people saw my TikTok decided not to go to Howard Brown when they might have otherwise. So all that to say those real like in person. Tangible interactions really do hit home of what? Of some impact. I do have some reach, I do have, I am making a difference. Yeah. And I think we all in this current moment have a lot of rage inside of us. I was having, I. I actually had a date yesterday, which was lovely. But was engaged in this conversation about that anger and about that rage and what do we do with it? How do we channel it? How do we most impactfully make it? I am not someone who's going to go online and post and recopy and repost everyone else's post about the post. That's not my way of doing it. I have my way and my way works for me. But it's. It's important for us as a community, as we talk about building vibrant community, to find that outlet, to be able to have a conversation and to be able to look past it, because it is just, and it's hard to see in the moment, but it's just a blip on the screen of our life and our future and what's going to happen, and standing strong as a community. Like I said I teased about it earlier, but there is no other group that I've experienced that is more connected. And yet, even though we can talk about the breakdown inside of the community, but the community as a whole, as the lgbtq plus community is incredibly powerful and passionate, and especially when it comes to our rights, especially when it comes to, our self-expression. I. We can have conversations about the internal subcultures within the community at another time. But at the end of the day, we're a very powerful group, and I think when we are able to put our voices out, and it doesn't mean you have to yell the loudest from the rooftop. It just means going out on a daily basis and standing proud and being who you are and being compassionate and having. Some difficult conversations with people that may shift that needle may move that mark for us. And I believe that there are a lot of content creators out there that are doing just that. And the impact for me is fascinating because you'll never know I got a message from someone I've never met. They found a way to message me and they were struggling through a very difficult time in their life and they had been contemplating some. Options for them to end their life and. They happened to listen to one of the podcasts which was surprising. It wasn't the one that I thought they would reference, but they referenced the podcast and said that it sparked something in them to change their narrative and to change their conversation, and they went out and found support. If you need it, please go out and find support. Find help. There's therapists, there's hotlines, there's organizations within your community. So many wonderful organizations, and they did that and have kept in contact over the last year. And to see that, it's almost overwhelming for me to know that one conversation and the one comment that this guest made that much of an impact. But it does. And so I say keep going. Keep doing it on the days that you and I don't want to create content, let's just make promise to keep moving forward. And doing that, I have a couple wrap up questions as we come to the end of our conversation. I could talk to you all day, but what is your greatest joy in the design world? I love your house because it's very interesting and unique. I obviously you're moving, but I love your style. What's the one thing that you love most about interior design? I think that's a really good question. I think, my home has taken so many shapes over the four years I've lived here and lots of different paint colors and lots of furniture has come and gone. But through all of that, I have been able to. I better find myself and understand myself and what I need my home, how I need my home to function on a, purely functional level. And then, okay, what colors do I really, make me feel really good in this space? What what items do I have that can really reflect me and who I am and what have I collected? And I think that is what's most exciting about interior design is just the ability to. Truly express and reflect yourself and to a place that feels like you, that feels like a hug, that feels like a respite after after a long day away. I work with a good amount of clients, mainly virtually. So I'll do, a consultation with them, send some suggestions, but I don't. Necessarily want to just like step in and, throw all of, throw my design into your home, or my style into your home. Sure. I want, I, when I work with clients, I really want it to be a partnership, to understand better, understand themselves and what they want, how they need their home to work for them, and what they want that to look like. Especially as queer people, we go through a second puberty when we do come out when we start. Yeah. We are in this newfound identity and through this newfound lens. And I think that our personal style and the clothes that we wear, as well as our interior design are absolutely like all tied up in that.'Cause interior design can be really expensive. It can, it, especially if you're like renting a place and you don't know where you're going to land next. There's so many reasons to not invest in it. But there are so many ways to do it on a more affordable, less permanent. Way to like, to, again, just make sure, make, to give yourself the space that you deserve while you are learning all of these new parts of you. I. Yeah I love your space. It's very unique. I don't know if that's the word you would use, but I love it because it shows a lot about who you are. I love some of the pieces that I've seen, which I would never have put in that space and never have thought of. I like that you talk a lot about repurposing or these antiques or secondhand stores that you talk about. I've walked into a house recently that don't get me wrong, I love me some Restoration Hardware. I love it. But it literally looked like the catalog threw up in the house. It was like pulled out of the pages and it's gorgeous. But I walked in and I didn't feel very welcomed or warm, right? I, when people come into my house, I want them to feel like this is a part of me. And I moved from a. Good sized house to a very small house at the beach. And so I had to sell everything I owned. And I did. I, there were a couple pieces, but what's been great for me is being inspired by other designers like yourself to really handpick every item that comes in this house, especially when it's a small space, because it's gotta reflect who I am. And someone came in at a party recently and they came in and they said, what are all these little. Pieces I've got, and I travel extensively. I travel internationally and I make a point everywhere I go to bring home something that speaks to me while I'm there. And it could be a little, something to a bowl that I literally hand carried back from Africa, which was the biggest pain in my ass. But I get back and people go, oh, that's beautiful. Where'd that come from? And I'm like. Botswana. So it's that kind of cool opportunity. So I just wanted to acknowledge your place. I think it's super neat. I would love to come to, not that I'm inviting myself, but come to a dinner party. No one throws a good dinner party, like another event producer, so I can imagine they would be fantastic. What's next for alex moving is going to take up the. After you're settled, Alex, what's next? I don't know. I like, I feel i'm really, I don't know. I it's great not to know.'cause that's the thing then. Then what's possible opens up. Was that, sorry? I said, what's great about not knowing is that possibility then opens up. So you may not know what's next for you, and that's fine. I don't mean to put you on the spot with that question, but. Like I said, the move is like what's taking up most of my brain spa or like future planning space right now. Trying to find a place, trying to like merge mine and my partner's life and like all of those kind of things that are really exciting and really absolutely was not on my like bingo card when, I really just want to like, continue settling into the online space that I've created. I went through an existential thought exercise. Of what am I doing right? What do I want to be doing right now in this political landscape? How is my, how can I feel like my content is doing something to help? I. I feel like I'm really hitting a stride in there. So I just kinda want to keep riding that that balance. Focusing more on the entertaining side than the design side right now. Mixed with a good amount of style content and just being a fat queer person on the internet that spreads joy. We need that and more of it. So I say kudos to you and keep going because I know for a fact it brings joy to my life and I've really enjoyed getting to know you through your social media, and I've really enjoyed spending some time with you today and giving us a little glimpse into Alex's life. And I'm super grateful. I do have one last question though. If you could go back to that young Alex in elementary school, in middle school who was under this. Constant state around the bullying, what would you say to him about his life today? I don't know. There's all the cliches of it gets better, it gets, but like middle school, Alex, in rural Florida, could not have even comprehended a life. The life that I've created for myself now, the person that I am living in Chicago with a group of friends, the community that I have if it just is so far away from where I ever thought my life would end up I just tell him, just keep going. I don't think he did anything wrong or anything he shouldn't have, but just, yeah, just keep. Existing. I keep existing and keep showing up. And that's the thing. It's not meant to be a derivative of cliche, to me, cliche doesn't exist. If that's what you were feeling back then, I. It gets better.'cause it does and it gets better because there are people like you in the world. So I know and I'm clear that this world is a better place with you in it. And I am super grateful for your time today. You're welcome to come back anytime. We have loved to talk. We could make a whole podcast episode about event production. Trust me, there is a lot to say about that. But I am super grateful for your time today and I thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Of course. We're going to put links to Alex's social media platform. I encourage all my guests to go check it out. Thank you for being here again today. Thank you for listening, and I hope our paths cross again soon. Absolutely. Take care. Thank you. Alright, everyone, thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just You Podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you can easily share the podcast and episode. Directly with your friends and if you would rate us and leave us a review, we'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at just Do you pod as you go out into the world today. Remember to just do you. Alright, talk next week.