S2E14 with Peter Godard - Riding the Wave of Joy

Meet Peter Godard - a transformational coach, equity strategist, and joyful co-conspirator for personal and collective liberation. As founder of Great Bear Coaching, Peter offers a warm, intuitive approach and supports his clients in exploring identity, power, and possibility. His coaching is rooted in compassion and celebration, helping people feel grounded as they grow into new versions of themselves.

In our conversation, Peter shares his powerful journey, shaped by his identity as a GenX queer man and the descendant of French Canadian and Irish American farmers and teachers from a rural town in Vermont. Now based in Chicago, he lives with his husband Bob and finds joy in his chosen family, the outdoors, queer fiction, and creative experiments in the kitchen and brings a deep sense of justice, play, and humanity to all he does. 

Peter is also the co-creator of the Social Identity Coaching Lab, where he works at the intersection of equity, leadership development, and culture shift. Whether coaching one-on-one, facilitating groups, or consulting with teams, Peter’s work invites people and organizations to get real about equity and imagine bold new ways of being.

Our conversation is a true celebration of QUEER MAGIC, identity, embodiment, and the radical act of imagining more liberated ways to lead and live. Welcome to the conversation.

To follow Peter on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/greatbearcoach/

To check out Great Bear Coaching, visit: https://www.greatbearcoaching.com

and to learn more about the Social Identity Coaching Lab, visit:  https://www.socidlab.com

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!  

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To follow us on Instagram, visit: https://www.instagram.com/justdoyoupod/

Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll?  Visit:  https://ericnicoll.com

Transcript

0:05

Hello everyone. Welcome to the Just To You Podcast. My name is Eric Nicole, and I'm your host. If you are a first time listener, welcome to the conversation and if you're a regular, I'm honored that you've decided to join me for another episode. I. The Just Do You Podcast is centered around a network of conversations, which are meant to connect us, to inspire us, to find our own confidence, our own voice, and to live our own truth. And who knows, we might even learn a little something new that ultimately allows us to live in the sweet spot that I like to call the Just do you space of being. Each week, I have the privilege of sitting down for unscripted conversations with friends, family, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers that all share their own personal journeys. I hope that you enjoy our time together as much as I have. We are certainly gonna laugh, and yes, we might even cry a little, but in the end, we are gonna know that we're not alone during our life's journey. So are you ready? Great. Let's do this. Welcome to the conversation. Welcome to today's episode. I am really excited to sit down with my guest today, so I'm just gonna jump right in and introduce Peter Godard. Hi Peter. Hi Eric. How are you? I. I am so good. I have been looking forward to this conversation all week. I have been on the road traveling and I've been spending some time early in the morning before my day got started, scrolling through your platform on Instagram and it just put a smile on my face and I just got excited about today's episode. So thank you again for taking the time to be here and let's just jump right in and get started, shall we? Yeah, that sounds really great. Cool. I wanna introduce you because I think it's important for our listeners to know who you are and who Peter is in the world, not only for our community, but I say for the greater good, bringing joy to the world despite, let's just call it crazy times. We'll, just. Crazy times which we are having currently. So for our listener, Peter is the son of French Canadian and Irish American farmers and teachers. Comes with a rich, diverse background with roots that gifted him with this intuitive spirit, a green thumb for growing perfect tomatoes, which we're gonna talk about. I want to hear all about that. A deep commitment to justice. An unearned racial, gender, and economic privilege that he continues to unpack as a Gen X queer man. His heart finds rhythm among those who define themselves on their own terms, which of course is the epitome of our Just Do You podcast. He talks a lot about his chosen family and how it's central to his life and is rich with diverse identities and lived experiences that are going to shape a vibrant and affirming community, which is so important in today's world. Peter lives in Sha. Cargo with his husband Bob. I want to talk about this too'cause I wanna hear some of these nicknames. But he has a loving talent for crafting ever-changing nicknames, but finds this sense of renewal in co-creating community. Again, something we all need right now. And it's a practice that was modeled by his parents in their small hometown grocery store and he nourishes his joy through time in the outdoors, queer fiction and creative adventures in the kitchen. So I'm gonna use the words, Peter, that you use, and I'm gonna say hello my love. How are you today? I love my love. I'm doing really well, and I'm really happy to be with you. When I sit down and I look at content for the podcast, the interesting dynamic and journey that we've all taken now is that we're bombarded on a daily basis, if not a minute by minute basis with some heavy stuff. And I'm gonna lighten it up a little bit'cause I'm not here to talk about the craziness, but I'm here to talk about how we navigate through this. You are the founder And the co-founder of the Social Identity Coaching Lab, which is a lab that nurtures people and organizations to really thrive and get real about equity. And I really love that powerful statement. So we're gonna spend some time today talking about community, talking about coaching, talking about joy. You also refer a lot to Queer Magic. I wanna talk about that. I wanna find out what that's all about. It's gonna be fun. So let's just jump right in. I wanna ask you a couple questions before we get started, and I'd like to take my guests on the podcast back a little bit to their childhood. That is really where we know, and you as a coach obviously know that's where we start to develop a lot of our personality and our behaviors and the decisions and the choices that we make. So tell us a little bit about Peter Godard, the young Peter. Let's take it back as far as you'd like to go. I wanna know more about him, where you were born. Do you have siblings? Obviously we know a little bit about your family situation, but what was that like for you growing up? Yeah. So let me start with the really happy, joyful 7-year-old Peter. Okay. So you mentioned my mom and dad were co-owners of a grocery store. It was on an island in Lake Champlain in northern Vermont. And all day long people would come and go from the store to buy their gas and their groceries and, on a good day, I would get to sit on a stool behind the counter chatting with the people who were working or with my parents. Like I can remember on a slow evening sitting with one of the workers in the store as she taught me how to write in cursive. So I just thought as a kid it was totally normal that everybody in your town would come and go from your house every day. So that's part of it. I also, like this was a really rural community. There were like maybe 3000 permanent residents on the island, and it got busier in the summer. We would, my mom would take me on adventures to go to the lake to go swimming and ride bikes. I loved school. Like I was a big, my mom was a teacher. I come from teachers. I would line up teddy bears and teach them. And so that those are a couple things that would give you a window into when I was a really little kid. Were you an only child? I was an only child. An only child. Same. With one parent who had five siblings and one parent who had seven siblings. So I was surrounded by a lot of family, even though I was an only child. So you asked about my younger self. I once had a babysitter who came over and this will give away my age too. We had an Atari. And he was so excited. Could we play space Invaders? And my little 7-year-old only child self said, oh, I'm so sorry. It's broken, but we could play a board game because I was so desperate to have someone to play with. Was it actually broken, or no? Of course not. Yeah, of course. The only child doesn't share. I could have played with that afternoon. I wanted to play a board game. I had matchbox cars as I can't even believe I'm telling, I've never told anyone this. I've had matchbox cars as a kid, right? And I had a box of Matchbox cars that only my friends could play with. And then of course, my matchbox cars, which were of course in little zipper pouches and, pristine. The other ones, we'd shoot off the balcony into the dirt. But those were the ones they could play with. So I get that only child. Component of our toys. I can imagine growing up in a small town like that, in, in that space with only 3000 people and surrounded by this large family what was that like though? Did you grow up fast? Did you find yourself, experiencing things at a young age that, typical. Young person wouldn't, or what was that life like on that small island with the family? And community. So as you're talking, I'm thinking about laying on my back and looking up at the stars. And laying on my back and looking up at the clouds. I named my company actually great bear coaching, both because I work with a lot of bears. I identify as a bear and I hope that the coaching that I offer helps people feel like they can step into, a version of themselves that they might not be able to do with without support. So that's the great bear part. But really Great Bear is also for the Big Dipper. Because I remember laying on my back on a summer day, like looking up at the stars with my parents and just the wonder of, of what of the night sky. And I was a huge nerd. Vermont is an interesting place. There's a small town that has a planetarium and I remember like maybe as a 10-year-old going and my mom would go shopping in the little town and I would pay my$2 admission to get into the Natural History Museum so I could go see the planetarium. So yeah, I don't know that I would say actually no, I don't feel like I had to grow up. Very quickly, I felt there were a lot of opportunities to be bored, opportunities to do nothing. A lot of opportunities to spend an afternoon with my cousins who were equally nerdy just reading books. I love it. I love it. I miss those days, to be honest. I miss those days when we could just lay on the grass and look up at the stars for our listeners we're all about education here on the Just You Podcast. For the person who may not be aware, give us a little background on the Bear community. What does it mean? Help us identify that if you can. Sure. And I'll say, I'm gonna introduce it and tell you I have a complex relationship with it. Okay, good. So a bear usually means a gay man or a queer man who is larger or hairier than average. So there's an element of body positivity to that identity. And in that I love being a bear where I'll say. I find complication in that is also as an anti-racist white person and as a, you mentioned social Identity Coaching lab. A lot of my work in the world is really to build a sense of belonging and equity and like in many gay male spaces, I feel like the bear community can often be a synonym for white gay bears. And differences in gender presentation or identity and differences in racial identity can often feel unwelcome. I've heard others use the term Queer bear, and I guess I would say I am a queer bear. You bring up an interesting point, and this has come up several times on multiple episodes dealing with multiple groups within the LGBTQ plus community, and that is this conversation around inclusion and this conversation around groups being identified through this cisgendered, queer white male persona. And I see it a lot even in the, you live in Chicago? I'm in San Diego. I see it here. There is a majority of, again, cisgendered, white, gay, male and female involvement. And so I've been very diligent in making sure within our community, within an organization that I founded here in San Diego and ran up until recently that we included everyone and it's such an important. Conversation to have and could be an entire other episode in and of itself. In that, I mean you just, you, in describing that community, there's a lot to unpack and I love that you distinguish your love and challenge within that same, because we all deal with that regardless of how we identify. Yeah. We all go through that, but. More than ever. I think having these kind of conversations where the community outside of our community can see that there is just this beautiful, rich, diverse, and what's the right word to say this. Up to us conversation. Not up to them, but up to us. Yeah. We're gonna identify as we identify, and quite frankly, it's nobody else's business, nor is it their concern. If it brings us joy, makes us happy, makes us feel whole, makes us feel complete and a part of something, then that's all that matters. Same thing with pronouns. Do you know what I mean? This conversation about all this other, which we're not gonna get into is just. Deafening to me. So I love that you are authentic enough and transparent enough to say that there's two ways that you identify, but it's in having those conversations that I think we can shift that. I'll be honest with you, I did not have a lot of friends in the beer community. I'm 59. I tend to prefer a little bigger and a little scruffier guy that's not seemingly who I attend to attract in the dating world, but that's what I like is because I love. The energy that comes from a community that evolves around its body positivity and its sense of wholeness and completeness within in and of itself. Does that make sense? Yeah. I love the fact that the bear community. Really cherishes and celebrates their body diversity. And I love that. I wish that more people would do that. The more we can educate people about these unique aspects of our community, I think the better off we are. I say, and then I have another question for you. I say that all the kickback and all the pushback and all the hate that we're getting. Comes from two places. The first I'm not gonna mention, the second is they just aren't educated. They've never sat down with Peter, they've never sat down with a trans person. They've never sat down with a lesbian or somebody who identifies as bisexual and had a conversation. So how great is it that we're having one today? So on that note lemme back up just a second. So childhood, staring up at the stars. Amazing family. Great opportunity to get in a space where you are comfortable in meeting people as they come through the family store. What happened next? Where did you go into high school and college and where did this coaching? Practice come into play in your early youth, or did it? Yeah. So it was a, so I'll say it was a long journey to get there. Okay. So if I fast forward maybe to my late teens my dad died when I was a teenager which thank you. And which I share because I feel like it was an experience that opened me. That made me more aware of the fragility of life. And also I wouldn't want people to look at what I put out into the world and say Peter is just ignorant about how a hard life is. My connection to joy, which dates all the way back to laying on the earth and looking up the sky. Is also grounded in an unexperienced that life is challenging and life is hard and life is fragile. So I just offered that as okay, we could stop there on the journey of, so how did I get where I am today? Then I moved to Chicago for college. My mom was really supportive in many ways about college. But one of the things she said to me was, she was a lifelong teacher. She said, I really hope that you won't be a teacher. And so remember, I'm the one who's lining up the teddy bears. To teach them. I had in me a deep curiosity and deep love of learning and a deep love of how people learn and grow, but I. Okay, I'm 18, fine. I won't be a teacher. Let me explore other things. And ended up thinking, oh, I'm gonna be an urban planner, and then finding my way into social science research and then found my way into doing social science research in schools. And then ended up working in school districts for 15 or 20 years doing almost every job you can do in a school other than to be a teacher other than teach. That's the career trajectory I was on. And in the work that I was doing, what I realized was that it was the connection with other people that was really really motivating me and where I was really finding joy and I was doing work that I was really good at, but wasn't it wasn't feeding my soul. And I was doing it in a context where as a gay man I felt like, oh, I can be out, I can be here, I can be myself to a certain extent, but. Like certain parts of me in this environment. So this work context, leave it at the door. So put all that together. I was working with a coach because I was in a new job that was really challenging. And after we had worked together through a number of years, I was, she was saying, so what, what's next? We're coming to the end of our third engagement together. Like what are, where are you evolving? And I very meekly said, I think I might like to do what you do. And she, without missing a beat, her name is Valerie Brown. She's an amazing human being. Without missing a beat, she said, yes, you'd be very good at that. You should do that. I see that in you. And so that love of being with people that like. Being the teacher, which being a coach, I don't teach. I don't, I'm not there to advise, but I am there to help people learn and grow. And so I think that the root is lining up the teddy bears to teach. And the adult expression really came from, I tried a lot of other things that weren't an expression of who I really am. And I found the thing in my. Late thirties, early forties. That is the, there really is a true expression of who I am and how I am in the world. Yeah, I think the teddy bears are also a really powerful vision to the future of connection, right? Yeah. In the moment they couldn't necessarily speak. Maybe they did speak to you, I don't know, minded. But lining up that kind of journey and path into connection, which is so important. Say I two, sorry, lots of questions in my head. When did you come out? What age were you? I came out to the first person I ever came out to when I was a senior in high school. Okay. And I was out to my whole family by the time I graduated college. Okay. And I had this is the most joyful part of the story. I had a question when I graduated college, which was in the late nineties, as to what does it mean to be a queer person? I would've said a gay person. A gay man going into the workforce at that time can I be out? And I got hired into the planning department at the Chicago Transit Authority by, senior vice president who was gay. There were a number of other queer people on the team, and it was one of the most joyful places I have worked until this day. But because that was my first experience and I had been holding that question, I was like this is the bar. It has to at least be this good. So that's, what if I look at what's the root of why I have value inclusion, I think that's part of it. And from that place many people who are important to me in my life, including my husband came into my life because of that particular moment. I think it's super powerful to look at that because you've said a couple things that are just what I call the Willy Wonka Golden Ticket. And that is. We sometimes find our calling later in life. We sometimes go through the process of jobs and careers and sidetracks to get us where we are today. And I look back and I'm so grateful for the opportunities that I had and the experiences that I had, even though in the moment I didn't think they would shape. What I would do today, and just like you later in life, I've been doing events and meetings and incentives now for almost 25 years, and what has brought me the most joy and brought me the most sense of fulfillment is this podcast, is this ability to connect people. I was doing it in my job, but it wasn't the same because once it was done, that conversation, that connection was done. Yeah. And we moved on to the next, and I. So needed to find that tangible. Moment where I could put a finger on it, I could put a feeling to it. I could put a comment to the fact that what I was doing was the call, not but the calling that I was Dr. Was drawn to. And although I've had a hugely successful career in what I've done and loved it as well, it brought me amazing opportunity. Travel the world, meet some amazing people, but it wasn't. Isn't the be all, end all of that fulfillment. And I think it's really important to find that. And I think when we are able to open ourselves up to have that conversation with ourselves, or to hear a colleague or a coach or a mentor of ours say, yes, you should do that, and here's how you take that step. It's scary, man. It's scary, which is why it's so important to have coaches like you. To be able to guide us through that. I'm curious, when you came out, was that process easy for you? Was it challenging? What was that like? Yes, that's the shortest answer I could give. You're not the only person who's answered that way by, by the way. It was, a lot of it was really joyful. So the first people I came out to were two friends I had in high school who were a brother and a sister whose response was basically like, duh. And then I had a similar. Experience of friends in college in terms of there was a lot of, if not celebration, like definitely Oh, great. So yeah, thanks for letting us know who you are. Which is not the experience, not everybody in the nineties, right out of coming out. Correct. I also was living far away from home and recently, so I live in Chicago. I live. On the north side of the city in Andersonville. And when I went to University of Chicago, so when I first moved here, I lived on the south side of the city. And the amount of time I spent on the red line traveling from the south side of the city to what was then referred to as Boystown was considerable. It was my second education. And so there's something very sweet about those memories of exploring and, like meeting some friends and being taken to my first drag show and, there was a bar at, on the north side of the city at that point where it was also a restaurant. So as a 19-year-old, I could go to dinner with friends, and then if I was lucky, I could blend into the scenery afterward in the bar after, because I would've gotten carded else elsewhere, and I was too much of a nerd to have a fake id. So that part is joyful. And in my family of origin, I think it was mixed. I would say coming from a very large Catholic family, I think it went as well as it could. Sure. And it was challenging. My favorite family coming out story is I had an aunt who if I put money on it now, she was probably a lesbian on it. Lesbian herself. She lived her life as a Roman Catholic nun, so who knows? Who knows? A Roman Catholic nun who spent her whole life with one other Roman Catholic nun. So you know her story don't know, but I like to think of her as a queer ancestor. Yeah. Anyway, one day in my twenties, she called me and she said, how's my gay nephew? Aw, so I was like thanks for making that easy. That was before you came out to her, or had she had you already? Oh my gosh. That's crazy. It's funny. So I don't know if like my mom had told her, or if she just oh my God, this is so obvious. Can we just end this? Isn't it typical? I had the same experience. I had really great responses with everyone except my dad who has a PhD in psych or had a PhD in psychology. He's no longer with us. And he struggled oddly enough. But everyone else was fine. But my dad's mom, grandma Mabel. Was in her, I wanna say late eighties when I came out and she looked at me and she's tell me something I didn't already know. And I'm like, grandma, how did you know? And she goes, every time you come to visit me, which was a lot, you ask to eat on the good China and use the good crystal. And so I knew then, and I didn't know this until later on, but she was a stand-in ice skater for Sonya Henny in the old movies at Fox that used to be on ice. Wow. So she, of course, back then had many friends that were part of the L-G-B-T-Q community, but were not out. And so I always felt like she had this, this understanding of this compassion, but she had no issues with it. In fact, when she passed away, she left me all that good China and good crystal. And so I think of her often when I use it, but I think. So many people, and yes, many people do not have those kind of experiences. It's difficult, it's heart wrenching. They sometimes lose family and friends, and that is incredibly tragic. And it, I do say that it did cause a rift with my dad and I. It wasn't the only rift, but it caused a rift and a breakdown in communication. He made it about him, not about me. And so it was difficult to process, but. I wonder what it would be like to come out now. As a young person, which obviously with so much social media and so much interaction and this sense of television shows that are depicting wonderful relationships, back when I was younger it was Will and Grace, right? Or it was, those kind of shows. So it's just interesting when I sit back and think what it would be like to have a kid now to come out and the difference that it would make. Having all of this external forces showcasing that it's fine. I just wish a lot of people that have a problem with it these days would watch those shows.'cause again, I think they would really get to see that the community is really beautiful and vibrant and wonderful. Yeah. Where did. This, the question's gonna sound redundant because we've talked about where the joy comes from, but the thing that I'm so fascinated by you and your platform and the messaging that you're putting out is, like I said, you start, I think every EPIs every post every social media post with, hello, my loves. As I told you before we jumped on, it just puts me every time I watch your content, it just puts me in this space of, oh, hi friend. I feel instantly connected with you. Not to mention you are the most beautiful voice thank you. It is soothing, it's calm, it's nurturing, it's lovely, it's warm. It just gives me love. And so where did that come from? Is that intentional? Is that. Something that you created or is that just you? I would say yes. And I have a chosen family niece who is now 12 and when she was eight, I think she thought I was Quaker because every time I would see her and her mom, I would say, hi friends, or, how's it going, friends? And so that was just a I wasn't with an intention, it was just how I expressed myself. And so I think there's a part of me that is deeply connective that deeply just wants to be in connection with other people. And it's been really fun to show that part of myself on social media. I had somebody tell me oh you're, your content that you've created makes me feel like a warm, like it's a warm hug. Yes. And I just I'm being me. Of course, I cried. But part of why I cried was because I have had many coaching clients tell me the same thing. That being in a coaching space with me, the way that I listen, the way that I mirror, the way that I express myself, just helps them feel deeply seen, heard and valued. And for a long time I wondered how could I how could I show other people what that is? People that I might be able to support them in their lives and in their growth and in their learning. And so social media was a place to play with that. One, two. Hello. My love is something I would say to our boyfriend all the time. And so as I was trying to figure out like, how do I show this part of myself to the world the way that I would greet him just was in my mind and I was like, oh yeah, like this. When I would say it to him, it was about him, but like I just feel like, yeah, I wanna be in connection with lovely people and I want to. Spread the message. You are valued and you are welcome. You are invited as part of it. And then I think the other part is that I have been holding so much grief about the world. I will say my greatest teachers about being queer and how to be queer in hard times are actually not queer people. It's women of color. And a particular woman of color who I adore is my co-conspirator and business partner and co-creator at Social Identity Coaching Lab. Mona one day said to a potential client, we are a very odd people and so we may not be your cup of tea. And I, at first, my first reaction was. I'm sorry, what now? Like this large organization may wanna hire us. Why are you telling'em that? We're odd? But the more I sat with it, the more. I really have come to value that perspective. And for me it comes from being queer and living in a large body and having been a fat kid, Ramona, it comes from being a third culture kid who grew up in a different place than she was born in and now lives in a different place from that. And we found that in her having lived all over the world and embodying all these different identities and me being queer and also embodying different identities, that there was this magic connection I. And I say that in response to your question of why are you talking about joy all the time? Part of what I've learned is the more you are your whole self, and I won't go to a down rabbit hole of can we really be our whole selves, but the more you are expressing parts of you that are genuine to you, the more I think it invites other people to do the same thing. And the more we embody joy, the easier it is to. Live with what is hard. So I'm bringing all those lessons into this content that I'm creating and wanting to share. And I've honestly taken it on as a mission. That is I originally started working with social media because I thought, how can I share with people about the work that I do so that I can find people who would wanna work with me? And at this point. I couldn't care less about that. It does me good every day to put out some message that is about queer joy. And I hope it finds an audience of people who find that content meaningful and helpful to them in the lives they're leading. And if they want to get in contact because we could work together so much, the better. So it really has just become, it's become a passion to just create the content because of what the content's about. Is that the queer magic that you talk about? Yeah, I think it's part of it. I think the part I, the piece that I was speaking about when I had, when I brought in my co-conspirator and friend Mona I think you call it just do you? I think it is fully embodying. Yourself as you understand it that day. As much as you can, and the permission that gives you to exist in the world. Like it is a permission giving thing for me when I allow myself to show up in the world as I am. And the ironic thing is, I think it's a permission giving thing for other people too. And that's what's wrapped up in Queer Magic for me. So I do this all the time to my guests. Say that again? Talk about the permission part.'cause I think that's really powerful. Yeah. Okay. I think what I said was, when I show up in the world and I give myself permission to be who I am as I am, I'm giving myself permission to take up space in the world and in doing so. I was stop there and we're gonna go onto the next. You're giving yourself permission to show up in the world. That to me is the powerful point in all of this. Yeah. That I want our listeners to hear about because right now we're, that's being threatened. Our position in the world is being attacked. Yeah. And we have to remember that despite that toxic negativity that's coming at us, we have a right to be here. And we're not going anywhere and yet it's important for us every single day to wake up in the morning. That's why I got just you tattooed on my wrist. I can see it when I brush my teeth. I see it when I wash my hair. I see it when I'm doing this podcast. It's a daily reminder that I have to give myself permission to show up as. Myself and to be as authentic as I can and to be as gracious and as giving as I can.'cause I believe we're all on this earth to be of service to others and to show up for our community. But it's giving yourself permission is something that we don't teach each o we don't teach period, and we don't talk about. And that's something that I truly believe. If we really ingrain that in people at a very young age, that We have to wake up every morning and give ourselves permission to be, and the power in giving ourselves permission to be ourselves cannot be found from anyone else. I. By anyone else. Cannot be given by anyone else. That's the power that we hold. And if we all were to hold and harness that power every single morning and say, today, this is who I am, this is what I'm contributing, this is what I'm giving back, and this is who I'm gonna be for the world. I'm clear, sounds a little airy fairy, but I'm clear that the energy would shift around where we're at right now. A hundred percent. And listen, it's gonna make me cry. I told you I was gonna cry during the podcast, but. It's hard sometimes to wake up in the morning. These days it's been like this for a decade. Let's just be real. It's been like this for the last. 6, 7, 8, 9 years, where we wake up and go, excuse my French, shit, what's next? What's gonna happen today? What's gonna be thrown at me? What am I gonna have to deal with? What am I gonna have to navigate? What am I gonna have to avoid? What am I gonna have to process? And I've said this a lot through my own personal development and I've heard it a lot, is what I should say. And then I use it a lot in my podcast is that who you are in the world, despite everything that's going on, is not your circumstances. Your circumstances do not define you. Yeah. So you are not your debt. You are not your sad, you are not all of those things. Who you are is X. And I have to say, every single morning when I wake up, I'm not great at it. I have to practice it just like everyone else. I go into the gym, hate that too. But the results are amazing. I have to practice every morning to speak into existence who I am, because if I don't, to be honest, Peter, I don't make it through the day. Yeah. I turn the news on, I see a post on Instagram or social media, it's gonna be, and I go down the hole and it's hard to get out. Yeah. And so in my practice, and I'm hoping that our listeners will resonate with this, that in a practice, it takes daily work and it takes courage to give yourself permission because you're being told in every different angle right now to not be who you are. Yeah. Don't be who you are. You can't be proud of who you are. You don't exist. We're gonna wipe you off the planet by removing us from history. The good news is, the good news is we're here, we're queer. We're not going anywhere. You can take us off of a book or off of a poster, but we're here and our community is strong. And our community is powerful in our community. Yeah. Has been fighting back and you have to do the same. So I encourage our listeners today, if this resonates with you, to create a practice each morning and we're gonna put access to your social media and to your website. And if people have questions, we encourage them to reach out to you and have a consultation. Because I believe we talked we laughed about this beforehand. I have my life squad. Some people have their glam squad. I have my life squad in my life squad are coaches, mentors, nutritionists, trainers, those people that hold me to account. So I encourage people that if they find themselves in this spiral, in this space of feeling unworthy or not enough or afraid. Don't let that exist in your head. Get out and have a conversation, have a have a consultation with someone like Peter and to be able to find that path and that journey so that you can wake up in the morning and practice that you are worthy, that you are a gift and that you are valued. And I say seen and acknowledged. Peter, it's interesting when you were sharing a little bit I've shared about this drag queen. Port Vallarta a lot. Her name is Mama Tits. And I was there at a very interesting time in my life. I was coming out of a divorce finding myself and my friend said, what better place than go to Port Vallarta refined you and boy did I find me, I'll tell you that. But I was sitting in a drag show and this drag queen mama tits larger than life, boisterous and just saucy and everything else at the very end of her show said, remember. My loves. Surround yourself with people who celebrate you. And it changed my world and it changed that trajectory. And so conversations that we have like this and the conversations that you have with your clients are really designed to have you stand in a space where you're surrounded by people who celebrate you and to not let those who don't weigh in. What are some of the things that, that. You find are common threads in not only your clients within Great Bear coaching, but also within the lab. What are some of the conversations that people are having with themselves? Yeah. Yeah. I think just building on what you've been talking about, I think how do I stand in my power? Is almost never the reason somebody comes to coaching. But I have learned to stand in my power is very often the outcome of a coaching engagement. Okay. So it's not why they come, but it's the ultimate result. Yeah. Interesting. And what I'm hearing in what you just said, what I'm hearing is get your squad, get your people, get your community. Find out what resources you find out, what makes you joyful, and practice it every day. And ultimately those are the things that lead to standing in your power. So often people will come and say, oh, I've got a toxic workplace. I gotta get outta here. Might be a reason to come. What would motivate somebody to say, okay, yeah, I'm gonna take the time, I'm gonna invest my time, money to, but oftentimes is the biggest barrier. Yeah. In having a coach. I'm in a toxic work. Environment or I've had this experience in my life. I think you mentioned you did too. I've just had a divorce and things feel really unformed in my life right now, and I don't know which way is up and i've defined myself in this way up until now. And now now, things are different and I don't know where to go. Or I was, I joked for a while. I can't tell you how many people I have coached through their 40th and 50th birthdays. You may be coaching me through my 60th next day. There is something about and I think I just love this is like some of my favorite work is I have been successful in a way and I don't want to do that anymore. Doing that for another 20, it has served me for 20 years, 10 years, whatever is not gonna serve me for another 10 or 20. So how do I take what I know take. The value I bring into the world, how do I take who I am and situate myself to shift and to create a life for myself that is different from the one I've lived up until now. So those are some of the, those are some of the reasons somebody might come to me as a coach and what we might do together. Just to offer maybe some specific things that listeners to this podcast could walk away with. Oftentimes there's a component of practicing mindfulness. So there's a lot of somatic and mindful tools that I can share a link to with you that you could share with other folks to just help people slow down. A big part of the coaching process is helping people learn to listen to themselves. Huge. And I think that's part of like, why don't we just do you. If we don't even know what we want, if we're not clear what we want, how could we do it? And we live in a culture that likes to use shame and power and erasure to prevent us from knowing what we want to say. Nothing about acting on it. Yeah. I think people can really relate. I know for myself in what you say, it's interesting. I had an experience a couple years ago as an event producer and meeting planner. I've loved my career. I've had an amazing career, traveled the world, seen amazing things, and there's been some challenges within a kind of co-leading team that I work with that's been very challenging and very toxic. And I remember standing on the site of an event, I think it was two years ago, and I was standing by myself. I was on a beach in Hawaii. I know that sounds boohoo, but that's where we were. And I was standing on this beach and I started to cry and I thought, is this how I'm going out? I. Is this how I'm gonna leave this earth when it's my time dealing with this toxic person that is basically running my life? And it wasn't until I shifted, excuse me, with the help of my coach into outsourcing myself. To work with other agencies. And in that, working with other agencies, I found myself, and I wasn't the CEO like I am with my company. I was a trip director. I was part of the team, part of the staff. It wasn't about ego. I left that at the door. But what I found as a result of working with this new team and this group of people, that there was this beautiful moment. Moments with them and that I found this renewed sense of belonging and a sense of self and a sense of, yes, this is what I'm good at. It's what I do love, and it's up to me to choose the projects that are going to carry me forward. But additionally, as you and I were talking beforehand, I want people to hear and understand and to really believe that it's okay to pivot. It's okay. We come from a culture and from a, from a. Parents who, my mother was a teacher for 35 years. Same school. Our back then our parents had the same job forever, and yet many times retired, stressed, tired, heart attack, all these issues, right? And so when I took a look at that and I thought how am I gonna go out? What's gonna be my legacy? And I sat down. Did the work like they would with you in working through this process, what brings me joy? What brings me happiness? What brings me fulfillment? What's going to bring me that sense of, yeah, I made a difference in the world.'cause I know that I did with the events, right? I have, I'm clear that doing the Oscars and Golden Globes, somebody in that party of 1500 people had a great time. So I'm clear on that, but what was gonna be the legacy of Eric? What was I gonna leave behind? And that's what we have to find because especially in, I think, tumultuous times where we're pulled in so many different directions, whether you're a parent and you've got kids, you've got. Multiple jobs. You've got a big career projects you're working on building a house, whatever the case may be, it's distraction. And at the end we have to be okay with saying, did I do everything that I wanted to do? Did I take the time to make sure that I explored, that I, even if I failed, that I explored that I took a look at, and that's where coaching comes into play. And I think you said something that is a. Issue for our community is unpacking, not only unpacking, but unpacking and leaving at the curb at some point through our process and journey. This conversation around shame that we have carried with us forever and. When I see you out spreading this joy and having this conversation about queer magic and being who you are and that this space of just joy, and I wanna be honest, not to say that you don't have situations in your life or circumstances in your life that are gonna be tough, that you're gonna have to deal with, that you're gonna have to be faced with. We're all gonna experience loss at some point in our lives. But when you wake up every morning and you create that joy, it does make dealing with the things that we have to deal with in our lives currently a little bit more effortless. Yeah. I remember, and I shared this before I. Around the election time, I wasn't doing my practice of mindfulness in the morning. And I remember waking up every morning with a sense of anxiety. Oh my God, what's gonna happen today? And I was talking with one of my coaches and she goes, first of all, take a breath. I. Slow down. Are you doing your practice? And I'm like, no. But she's do your practice. Yeah, but do your practice. And I promised her in that moment that I was gonna do it. I took what typically took an hour and a half and condensed it down to about 45 minutes. Yeah, what that's done for me to work through all of this that's going on currently has been a life changer. You, and please disagree with me and tell me if I'm wrong, Peter, but I don't think that we are able, as human beings to navigate the chaos and the uncertainty that we are currently dealing with by ourselves in our head, sitting at home. No, we did not. I do not think we have the, my therapist talks about meat sack issues. Yes. What? And what he means by that is I, yeah. This has to do with your biology. You can't think your way out of this. This is a biological imperative and we evolved as a species not to go it alone. So I think part of what I provide as a coach sometimes is if I have gotten myself stuck and I've been in this place where I don't have people who deeply see, hear, respect and tried to understand me where do I start? So sometimes I'll say, I am your community until you build your community. And building community just as much as attending to Joy, I think is part of the process. And just in a silly way, I'll give you an example. On my social media, I primarily play with Instagram. Every new follower people must think I'm so bizarre. Every new follower who follows me, I reach out and I'm like, hi. I'm so glad you, isn't it great? I love it. How's your day going? And I'm sure that there's like a good 40%, 60. I don't know what percent of people who are like, who is this bizarre human being, but there are like 10 or 20% who have now become like people I regularly chat with. Like I look at what they create. We talk about things and like in addition to my chosen family and the people in my life, my. Everyday life who actually live in Chicago that I get to see. It's this extra dopamine boost of like I have a bigger community. And as a kid who grew up in a grocery store thinking that everybody in the world should come and go from the downstairs of their house, like this is really good stuff. But I think it's also really important, Peter, that the people who may not interact with you when you reach out and say, Hey, how are you? Or hello, loves. I am clear that just that interaction, even though they may not know how to respond, you made a difference in their life because you made connection in a place where connection is not reality. For the most part, I. In a place where we're looking at fantasy, we're looking at things to distract us. I'm behind a little bit, but I have a promise to myself, to reach out to those that follow and say, thank you for following the podcast. Thank you for following and listening, and please let us know what you want to hear, what you wanna talk about. And I've actually found some guests that way. So it's super important, and I said this to you before we hopped on. Sometimes we question whether the work that we do within the social media field is making a difference or an impact, and someone that I consider to be a coach said to me yeah, but what if you made a difference with one person and changed their life or changed their perspective or educated somebody on what the gay community is all about? You've done your job, that one person will now go out and spread that. So I'm super grateful to you for, not only creating that for yourself, but putting that out to the world. And we're gonna share your social media with our listeners so that they can just get a glimpse of who you are in the world. And I, this has become my mantra to my guests, and that is the world is a better place with you in it. And I'm so grateful to have crossed paths with you and to have spent a little time in your joy bubble. And I will say this as we start to close this out, you talk a lot about chosen family and not everybody knows what that means. And so could you just take a minute and just talk about the distinction between biological and chosen family and the importance of finding that chosen family. If you don't have anyone in your life. Yeah, so I'll say this for me. I am very lucky and my chosen family is a Venn diagram with my bio family. And so let me be clear, chosen family means the people who fill the role of family in your life. Meaning they help you feel like you belong. They help you feel like you're seen. They help you feel like you're supported and they may or may not be related to you by birth. For some people, their chosen family has zero birth family members, but they're the people who support you and love you and care for you in the world. And so for me that is. An incredibly important concept, and it's incredibly important for me also, that it be multi-generational. So we have 20 somethings in our chosen family and we have 70 somethings in our chosen family. So it's beautiful, isn't it? It really is. I love my biological family, but also my chosen family that, that spans the world. I have people all over the world that I've met with my travels and consider them to be that chosen family. And it's so diverse. So diverse, and what I love about that reality of chosen family is that you get to choose. I always surround myself with people who not only celebrate me, but celebrate others. And I used to struggle with that. When she first said that in her show, I worried. I was like, is that a little conceited? Is that a little arrogant? Only surround yourself with people who celebrate me. But I realized in the people who were celebrating me, they also celebrate themselves and a lot of other people. So I had to shift that. Inner dialogue in mind that, oh, how selfish is that I'm only surrounding myself? But I gotta tell you, I call it my inner sanctum. My inner sanctum is ride or die man, I'm telling you, we are there for each other through anything so I encourage people who are listening if they're lonely or not feeling connected, start to think about the things that you love to do in your life. What are some of your passions? Is it art? Is it music? Is it pride? What is it? Movies, theater, whatever that may be. And. Take that step, get some of that courage to go out and start meeting people. You will meet people doing things that you love to do and it's a much easier conversation to connect. My jam is going to art galleries and shows and pride and bowling this Saturday with HRC. So various things that I get to, to meet my tribe. So I encourage people to do that. So again. We will make sure that people have access to not only your social media, to watch you in action, but also to your website to learn more about what you offer and how to get connected with you. I'm gonna say it again. The world is a better place with you in it, and I really thank you for being here. Two quick final questions and I'll let you go. What's next for Peter? Well, more of the same. Is one good answer. Answer, good answer. I have found my jam in sharing joy, community and care, and I don't really know where that's taking me. So I'm following a wave of what's interesting and what brings me passion and I have never regretted following a wave before, we'll have to see. We'll have to see. You are welcome back anytime, there's a lot to talk about and you're just a joy and I just adore you and I'm so glad that you were here today. My final question to you is, and I hope I get through this without sobbing, if you could go back to that young peter laying on the grass, staring up at the stars, what would you say to him about his life today? What would I say to him? Oh, wow. I know what he would say to me. Okay. Which is, damn, really? You gotta be kidding. That's amazing. We're doing what we love. Who yeah. I love it. I love it. Again, thank you for being here, and thank you for sharing your joy with us today. I feel like I can conquer whatever I need to conquer today, and it's a lot. So I'm grateful to you for spending some time with me this morning. Yeah, I'm grateful for you as well. I'm thinking about Anna Green Gables. I feel like I've met a bosom friend. And if that's not the case thing we haven't said today, I don't know what is. Ta alright, Peter, we'll chat soon. Okay. Take care. Take care. Alright, everyone, thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just You Podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you can easily share the podcast and episode. Directly with your friends and if you would rate us and leave us a review, we'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at just Do you pod as you go out into the world today. Remember to just do you. Alright, talk next week.