REPLAY: S1E16 Darryl Tucci - Being A Change Agent In Today's World

It has been quite a difficult week for so many of us and I find myself desperate for some inspiration and motivation in order to process my thoughts and emotions over what happened with this year's election.  I looked back through the extraordinary conversations I have had over the past year and  after listening to my chat with Darry Tucci, my best friend and someone who consistently manages to get himself up off the sofa and out into the community with a fierce commitment to make an impact on the lives of others no matter the circumstances, I knew it was the perfect episode to replay today. 
So ... once again, please ... 

Join me as I sit down with Darrell Tucci, a National Non-Profit & Political Leader in Strategy, Development & Operations based in San Diego, California.  Aside from a long and successful career in development, fundraising, philanthropy and advocacy, Darrell is one of the most kind, caring and generous people I know.  Being in his circle makes me strive to be the best version of myself each and every day.  I have learned so much from him over the past decade and that knowledge has made me so acutely aware of the power of my voice, my stance, my vote AND the critical need to use them all in order to create change for the better.  

Darrell shares his heartwarming story of learning the importance of giving back and advocacy from a very young age.  His journey into present day is filled with powerful and poignant moments along the way that not only had an impact on him personally, but translated that impact into fostering his passion and commitment to being a  true change agent, especially for marginalized communities across the country.  

One of my favorite moments of our conversation was hearing Darrell say "We can not sit back and hope that things will change.  You have to get out and be a part of the change!"

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!  

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Transcript

0:05

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Just2u podcast. My name is Eric Nicole and I'm your host. If you are a first time listener, welcome to the conversation. And if you're a regular, I'm honored that you've decided to join me for another episode. The Just2u podcast is centered around a network of conversations, which are meant to connect us, to inspire https: otter. ai And who knows? We might even learn a little something new that ultimately allows us to live in the sweet spot that I like to call the just you, you space it being. Each week I have the privilege of sitting down for unscripted conversations with friends, family, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers that all share their own personal journeys. I hope that you enjoy our time together as much as I have. We are certainly gonna laugh, and yes, we might even cry a little, but in the end, we're gonna know that we're not alone during our life's journey. So, are you ready? Great, let's do this. Welcome to The Conversation. Welcome back for another episode where I'm sitting down with someone that I treasure so deeply in my life, and I can't wait for you to get to meet him and I'm just going to jump right in and welcome Daryl Tucci. Hi, Daryl. Hey, Eric, thanks for having me. Thanks for being here. You know it's funny because as I've been going through these episodes and planning ahead, I think we're about seven, eight, nine weeks ahead of schedule and you've always been at the top of my list, but I have to admit, I was a little, not hesitant, but a little, you know, concerned about inviting you on because I just, you know, You know, you're like my bestie. And so I thought, is he going to want to be on with me or not, but I'm super, super glad that you're here and it's going to be a great conversation. So thank you for joining us. Don't worry. I won't spill any tea about you during the podcast. That's what I was worried about, dude. Cause you, you pretty much know it all more than anyone else, especially over the last, you know, what, six, seven, eight years. Anyway, we're going to jump right in. So for those of our listeners who don't know, Daryl. Daryl and I met in Palm Springs back in 2015. Is that right? Was it 14? Something like that. Right around there. I think it was 15. And he was one of the first people that I met in town. And we were new to Palm Springs. I didn't know anyone and a mutual acquaintance. And a colleague of Daryl said, you really need to meet Daryl. You're going to be here in town. You need to know him. And I thought, Oh gosh, who's this guy? Right. The person that I need to know. And the instant that I met you, Daryl, at that event, I knew we were going to be friends forever. You have a way about you that is incredibly kind and incredibly good hearted and passionate. And. I just can't say enough about who you are in the world. So for me to be able to have you on today and just have a conversation with you about what you have been up to, what you're up to and why you make such a difference in the world, which is so important. So I'm super, again, glad to have you here and sitting down with me today, because you mean the world to me and I'm super glad that you're here. Likewise, my dear. I'm thrilled to be here. Well, so you've had a very Long and successful career already, and we'll continue to do so. And I just wanted to maybe go back a little bit, and I know who you are in the world with your activism and your philanthropy and your fundraising when we pre talked about this before we hit record, you know, the other way that I really see you as this great connector, you know, a lot of people and you've had a lot of experiences in a lot of different parts of the country. And so I'm always amazed at just how easy it is for you to rattle off a name of someone or run into someone that you've met before. And that comes from a long career. And I would love you just to share a little bit with us, if you wouldn't mind about how that all got started, because I would imagine. Coming from New Jersey, right? You're born in New Jersey, right? How you found yourself in Palm Springs was probably a little bit of a, of a journey. Yeah. Yeah. A little bit. Floor is yours, my love. Take it away. Wow. We have four hours, right? No, I'm kidding. Yeah. No so, you know, I grew up in New Jersey and, you know, a working class family and fortunately like the first person to go to college and, you know, I, it's going to be kind of, I'm going to tell the story a little bit out of chronological order, but I, I went to school to try to do things that would make me a lot of money. I started like as a computer science major and a business major and Like halfway through those degrees realize this was not for me. It wasn't meaningful and it wasn't fulfilling and whatever. So I had sort of an aha moment in college. I went to rehab for an eating disorder and took a semester off. And I realized sort of how deeply my life was touched by the people who work there that helped me get back on a path of health and prioritizing myself. And yeah, I was in a very dark place. I had planned to take my own life and this rehab got me to a place of not only get my eating disorder under control, but getting my depression under control and all those things. And I realized, I was like, you know what, I really want. to be able to touch lives the way these people touched mine. And when I kind of took some time to think about it with a guidance counselor in my college at the time, I reflected also on my earlier life. And when I was a young kid, my best friend growing up was my mom's best friend's son. And his name was Leon. And Leon was adopted by his two gay dads many years before I would ever come out as a gay man or even think about myself being a gay man. And Leon was a young, a couple of years younger than me, African American kid adopted along with his brother by these two guys. And by getting to share life with Leon, I learned about the grave injustices people experience in the world at a very young age. I witnessed the racism and I witnessed the homophobia of his parents. And the way that this family was treated in amazingly unfair ways and also how the dads every day fought for and stood up for what was right. What year was this, Daryl? What year was this? This is in the 80s. Okay. Just to put it in context. Okay. Just to get a lady. Thanks. Yes. You just wanted everybody to know I was old. So late eighties, early nineties. And you know, unfortunately Leon passed away when he was 12 or 13 from HIV. They knew that he had HIV. He was born with it and treatments were just not strong enough yet to save him. And I remember kind of promising myself that I would do whatever I could in my life to live on his legacy. So fast forward to college, and I'm having this moment where I'm like, Oh, no business, no computer science. Now, what do I do with myself? Cause I do want to change the world and, or at least touch people's lives in some way. And realize that, you know, I was also right on the preface. I can't come up with the right word, but the right on the edge of coming out myself, that journey was very active for me at that moment. And I ended up coming out my junior year of college and really sort of have, I don't know, sophomore year of college, sorry. At 19 and really sort of having all these things meld together. And I was like, you know, I need to go to do good for the world. I changed my degree to psychology. I did some direct service work wasn't loving the direct service side and then found myself on this weird journey guided by a mentor at the time to fundraising. And found my first job in the New York times because back then people found jobs in paper and ink publications. What are those? What's that paper? Yeah. Again, dating myself. And that started, started this journey of my sudden like being groomed into a development professional at a young age, even though I had no idea what it was before I accepted my first job doing that. And From there, I've been fortunate. I started off as sort of a generalist, groomed by an ED who had a fundraising background at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. From there, moved on to be a major gifts officer at GLAAD, and for a short stint, spent a few years at GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, as the Deputy Director of Development. Was recruited to move to Los Angeles to become the chief development officer and head of donor services for our community foundation, the Liberty Hill Foundation. And from there to Palm Springs, where I met you where I spent nine years as the chief development and strategy officer at DAP. What is now DAP Health, or it was Deseret AIDS Project. And now I own my own business doing consulting for fundraising strategy operations do some philanthropic advising and executive coaching. Like I said, this is Daryl Tucci. So go back, if you don't mind to when you came out and you are finding yourself being mentored and you are finding yourself in these opportunities to be of service. I tend to believe that we are put on this earth, every one of us to be of service to others, and it can come in a myriad of forms, right? It isn't all going to come in those of us that have the gift to go out and raise Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars for nonprofits. Some of us need to go and clean up the park or go help kids or whatever the case may be. But I believe that we're all here to be of service. And when we realize that, and we can, can meld that into whatever form that is we find our true calling, you know, on my side, I ended up. Out of, I hated college as well. I was in an international relations degree, which was my dad's, the most boring thing I've ever sat through. I think I sat through three classes and I'm like, what am I doing here at USC spending all this money, you know, not knowing what this degree was. And I remember going to work for the March of Dimes Birth Defects Foundation. And it was in that moment that I kind of found that way of giving back. Right. I, I think that it's so. And it's, it's really special to be able to do that. So go back to that point, you're come out and you're now on this journey given the time that it was what was the conversation that you were having yourself? Did you see big picture down the road? Were you simply just kind of being present in the moment and going where the flow took you? Cause I know you now and I find you to be very strategic. In such a great way. I wondered if that was the same back then, or was it where the wind blew? Yeah, I would like to say, like, I don't know, I was like Yoda and all wise and had that foresight, but I did not. You know. A, I left the direct service side because I didn't care for it. Sorry. I've got a cat who wants to join our zoom meeting and also I wasn't making enough money to live. My father, who I was living with at the time was about to get remarried and I needed to be back. So I went. I was guided towards fundraising at the time because it was it paid better and I would be able to like afford to live on my own. So that was actually the impetus for the very first fundraising job. And fortunately, it was at a place that I had passion for, as I had just recently sort of been pulled back from the brink of, like, Considering taking my own life and now I'm at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, right? Right. I was able to be of service to help other people in that same space, right? And to raise money for the research and all that stuff. So in that job, right, I was able to Really begin to understand the power of philanthropy. And when I say philanthropy, I don't mean people who can only afford to give away hundreds of thousands of dollars, right? People who give away tens of dollars and, you know have the ability to make a difference with their money. I also was able to really see firsthand to your point, the power of volunteerism in that organization through their chapter network all over the country, where people rolled up their sleeves, they got their hands dirty. From that time and now also being sort of like a young professional and newly out and whatnot, I was able to then start to see what I wanted to do with my career and the change I wanted to make. So after I built enough skills there for a few years is when I decided to kind of move on from that role. I had learned a lot and moved myself into the LGBT space. So, I would assume, and if my timing's correct and kind of from the chronological standpoint, and I love this conversation because I'm learning things about you I didn't know, and I've known you for a long time it sounds like you're simultaneously coming out and also in this role and a new role and new kind of environment, learning about all that. What was that like? Was that challenging? I actually, I actually in this timeline came out about two years before I started that job. Still pretty new. Yeah, I came out, I basically came out through the process of going to rehab. And you know, so I still had two years of college under my belt before that, but yeah, I was still sort of like navigating the world as like my new self because prior to coming out, I was like a wallflower. I was a very shy, timid person. And I didn't know why then, I now understand today that like it was mostly because I was afraid people would find out who I really was. And I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to find out who I really was. So sort of navigating this like brave new world as just who I am being a different human suddenly in many ways, not all of them, obviously, and what it's like to start a career at the same time was really interesting. And it was also exciting. Right. young and energetic then in ways that I can't fathom today. But yeah, it was exciting. And, you know, I was doing all that in New York city, which is, you know, one of the greatest places in the world period, but also one of the most exciting at that point in history, we're talking about like 2000, right. 2001. And it was the epicenter for a lot of the gay rights movement at that time. You know, the play Rent was basically based on the East Village the decade before that. Right. And I grew up on the streets where that play was based on, I came out on the streets basically in the East Village and in Chelsea Piers and some of the more iconic places in New York City that we now know of as part of the LGBT rights movement back then. That's pretty incredible. I've talked to a lot of people as we've been rolling out these podcasts and, you know, everyone has their own interesting journey and story of coming out. And it's been fascinating to hear people's locations that played such a big, important role. You know, you came out in New York, obviously very different than coming out here in Southern California. I just had a conversation with someone who came out in the Midwest, I was gonna say the flyover states, and I don't want to offend anybody, but those states that we typically fly over a lot of and they're very different experiences, right? And, and, and having to really struggle and leave sometimes those locations to go to New York or come to California or, you know, San Francisco to be able to come out, I, I would have loved to have seen you in New York in your twenties. I just, cause I adore you now. I just think you'd be so, I just have pictures in my head of, of who that Daryl Tucci would be running around New York. I was a very typical young person going to all the nightclubs three nights a week dancing like crazy. Fortunately it all got out of my system by the time I was 23. Well, thankfully, because some of us are still trying to live those years and we've seen a lot. I still, I still enjoy going out on a Saturday night for drinks and dancing with some friends. I just can't do it every week or even monthly for that matter. That's what I'm saying. Or magical nights during the week, right? I'll call it on myself. You always tease me. I'm the one at home in bed. You know, you typically on a Saturday night at nine 30. So I'm a little older than you, so I have no problem saying that, but I would have loved to have seen that. I think it would have been probably everyone's stories has some difficulties in the coming out, but to be able to be in such a vibrant city that has so many opportunities. In a recent podcast, we were talking about a company that actually donates. books to students that are really designed and written specifically to show different ethnicities and cultures and just how important that it was. And you know, when I came out was, I came out late, I was 24. There were no books that talked about two dads, at least that I knew of, you know, those types of things. So it's so different now. And I think about, The kids coming out now and what their journey then does for them as it relates to what we're talking about today, which is do we find that there is a great sense of activism or philanthropy or, you know, political involvement? I think political a little bit more now, just given everything that's been going on over the past couple of years, but what did you love the most in those early years of, of doing this development to this fundraising? What did you love the most? What was the most fun for you? You know, I think one of the things, well, most fun and maybe most important two different things. Most fun was actually just, I think, sort of being free of my 19 years of repressed, whatever that didn't allow me to enjoy life. Right. So I got to enjoy life, you know, whether that meant going out for dinner and drinks and clubbing or whatever with friends, but also, you know, You know, because I worked in the nonprofit sector, it rooted me with really great people who cared about a greater community beyond themselves, right? And I don't think most people are blessed with that at a young age. And I think particularly in our community, you know, at different times that could take people down a path that is For acceptance, you end up doing, you know, I don't know, maybe partying until you're 50s. Right. You know which is fine. I don't say it with a lot of judgment. It's just, I don't think would have been very fulfilling for me. And, or, you know, down rabbit holes of, you know, drugs and substance abuse and that sort of stuff. But I was rooted in a, at a very fairly young age as a young adult in. Meeting people who were involved in these organizations I've worked for and started the volunteer for who really cared about things beyond themselves, right? And about the broader community in terms of caring for people living with HIV, for fighting for the rights of LGBT people and people of color and immigrants, etc. As all our movements are interconnected. And I realized that I shared. you know, going back to the story of Leon, I shared a passion for moving and advancing, right, these movements for justice and equality. And I think the, the things that I, hold most dear in my life are the times that I got early involved in organizations and including New Jersey Buddies, which is the HIV organization still to this day foremost in northern New Jersey, where they brought me in there as a volunteer at a young age. And I ended up being their board chair by the time I was in my mid to late twenties prior to moving out to California. And, you know, Unlike most board chairs of nonprofits with no money. Like I couldn't barely pay my rent back then. Right. So but being able to be a service and to be sort of cultivated and mentored. To know how all sides of an organization worked, how it touched people's lives was not just like deeply meaningful personally, but on a professional journey, it really helped set me up for success for my future roles where working with the board hand in hand and partnership every day would be a key part of my career for years to come. Right. It's, it's funny when you are not funny. It's interesting when you say the volunteerism, I remember Prior to coming out, I was in college and I was pretty self admittedly arrogant back then. I was hiding a lot of my fear of coming out. I was, you know, that, that was my defense mechanism is my judgment and evaluation. And I was, I was, I was deep into that. And my therapist at the time that was kind of helping me kind of navigate what they didn't realize was my soon to be coming out story said to me, you know, you really need to go volunteer. And you need to see how the other half live. You go to USC, you've grown up in La Cunada, you've lived a privileged life, and I think it'd be really beneficial. And, of course, I ran out I don't remember exactly how I got involved, but I ran out to an event that was thrown by Make A Wish. Foundation. And I remember volunteering for them. And I came back to one of my sessions. I hadn't volunteered yet. I came back and I said, I'm so excited, Dr. Paul, I've I'm volunteering. And he's like, what is it? I'm like, it's make a wish. And it's their annual golf tournament, Beverly Hills. And he goes, well, I kind of was thinking more soup kitchen. Maybe you want to go down and serve food. And, but Hey, anything is good. Anything is good. But the most interesting, the most interesting thing happened and it was Around the holidays and, you know, I grew up with an amazing family, very loving, very caring, very generous. And I remember going to Children's Hospital. We wrapped presents for a week before Christmas and it was wrapping presents after presents after presents and we were gonna throw a party for the kids who were Stuck in the hospital over the holidays. And there were two different parties and I didn't realize there were two different events within that party. And one was going to be in the big cafeteria where all the kids that were mobile could come down and meet Santa Claus and get gifts and all that. And then there was a second part of that, which is the one that totally changed me, but I'm standing in the room. We wrapped the presents. I'm all excited. And the executive director across the room looks at me and gives me the finger to come over and talk to him. And I went walking over. I'm like, what? And he goes, well, Santa Claus blew a tire on the. 405 freeway on the way to the hospital and he's not going to be here. So guess who's going to be Santa you. And they literally shoved me in a Santa suit pillows to make me, I'm probably 19 years old, 20 years old, maybe if that. And. I'm watching all this happen, Santa suit, beard, balloons. And they pushed me through the door and 300 kids screamed Santa Claus, this little boy, Brendan, I'll never forget him came and jumped in my arms. And it was all so surreal because it was happening so fast, right? He wouldn't get off, get out of my arms. He tried to pull my beard and here I am with this little higher, not dropped yet voice going, don't pull Santa's beard, you know, go through this process and then that party was over. And I thought we were done. And then the executive director said, okay, now onto the next. And we literally went floor by floor by floor to visit the kids that were too sick to come to the party. And we brought them gifts and there was a guitarist who sang. And by the time I got to the bottom floor of that 10 story hospital, I, my life changed. I remember getting in the car. I started to drive home, was going home to celebrate Chris with my family. And I remember pulling over and just sobbing uncontrollably. And I called my grandmother and I said, send all my gifts back. I don't want anything. Let's adopt a family for Christmas. But it really did kind of change that perception for me because although I think his intent was really to get me to see kind of what being of service was like, I was with them for many, many years and then went on to city of hope. So like you kind of found this real joy and this fulfillment in giving back to others. And I never did it because I wanted the acknowledgement of it. I did it because I wanted to make a difference. And there were story upon story of kids that we granted wishes to. And just a pivotal point in my life. And I came out around that time also. And so it was really, I get it. I get what you were going through and where you were. And, and I, I guess my, the reason I shared that is because I wonder what your experience is. Do you find that back then? of volunteerism and getting involved was more popular than it is now because of this new age of social media and everyone's distracted, maybe not so focused, getting their info and getting their fill on these platforms. Or do you think it's better now? I don't, I don't know. I think it's different. I don't know if it's less or more. You know, having spent so many years at DAP you know that, and you were a donor for many years there, so you, you went to the campus, often enough into events, often enough to know that that place could not run effectively without volunteers, right? Mm-Hmm. the entire retail business. Backbone, it was volunteers, right? There are several hundred, I think seven or 800 volunteers annually helping make that organization run. In addition to the couple of hundred stuff hospitals, similarly, right. Food banks, you know, so knowing all these organizations around the country and probably the world, you know, have so much volunteer labor. I don't know if there's a downward trend that I don't, I've not read about the trends, but I, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I do think the opportunities for how we volunteer, whether it be for nonprofits or politics, have started to change over time, right? I mean, there's the very simple act, which, you know, I just did the other day because my birthday's next week, was like creating a Facebook fundraiser, right? It took three minutes out of my life to click something. Right. And invite everybody to give some money to a cause I care about. Right. And I think that has become commonplace. It's something that people of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds can do, but also volunteerism and unique ways of finding opportunities to volunteer for issues we care about is much easier due to the internet, right? There's actual websites that pair volunteers who care about certain subjects of organizations and so forth. So politically, you know, knocking doors is still important. Community organizing is still important and incredibly important. However, for people who don't like it, you know, phone banking on an old, you know, rotary phone or whatever was a thing where you always had to be in the same room with everybody else. But now you could phone bank or even text bank for the candidates you care about. From the comfort of your living room or your bed, right? So there are ways in which I think technology is making it easier for volunteers to match with organizations and with candidates and so forth. And also there are some ways in which volunteerism is more easily accessible by people not necessarily needing to show up in a physical location 40 miles from their house. Yeah. Why do you think it's important? I'm sure many people are listening that may have wanted to give or don't, or don't think that it's important. Why is it so important to even give 5 to an organization? You know, talk a little bit about that if you can. What's the importance of that give back? Maybe I'll just talk about why it's important to me. Yeah, please. You know, I think for everybody, it's a little different. So I think working in the nonprofit and political sector, raising money, I've grown to realize, you know, there is very specific things that organizations accomplished with our money. They can't run themselves for free, right? Unfortunately. You know, unlike European countries that are like more, I don't want to call them socialist, right? But they have more social leanings in their budgets where they pay much more than we do in taxes, but the government takes care of everybody. We don't operate that way. So The way people who live, you know, either in poverty or need some level of assistance and society here, you know, get support is mostly through the non profit sector that is partially, but not fully government funded. So when I think about a place like DAP, it was very tangible for me to know Being there that, you know, if someone donated to DAP 35, they would pay for someone to get a free and confidential HIV test. Right. I know when I look, I'm a donor to the San Diego food bank, right? Like I was in Palm Springs at a fine food bank that like for every, I forget what it is. I'm going to make up the number and it's not going to be right. But basically for like 19, I could feed a family of five. Right. So. For for some basic social services type work. It's very easy and quantifiable to know the impact you can have in life. And then, like, you go into the organizing and advocacy space. You know, particularly organizing where the magnitudes of impact that community organizing has, whether it be through a 501 C3 organization doing advocacy for a living wage or a cleaner environment or whatever. Or the community organizing, you know. A true progressive candidate may deploy in a campaign. You're not just a you're getting votes in the right direction, but they're building power that has now been proven by research that like multiplies exponentially over time. So like when you're investing a small amount of money, or maybe a significant amount of money, the long term impact of that gift has been well documented in research to be enormous, right? So for me, it is. I care about the issue. It's not enough for me to just care about it. You know, obviously, you know, I'm politically quite left and progressive. I could sit in my recliner every night and just scream at MSNBC with a cocktail, right? You know, and that doesn't do any good for me, my blood pressure, the cats that have to listen to it, right. You know, and you know, all it's going to do is make MSNBC some more money, right? Because the ratings but or, you know, I could do something to help right from making sure I've committed to vote when it comes to politics, giving to the candidates that I know. I believe for my values are must win races in our democracy, whether they be local or federal or anything in between or to the nonprofit organizations that are, you know, holding the government's feet to the fire and or feeding the homeless, right? There's so many ways, but for me, it's, It's putting my money where my mouth is, right? I can't be upset that we live in an unfair, unjust world that I believe we do. And not as somebody who has some financial privilege while not wealthy and not paying forward and doing my part. So Daryl, we had just a minor little technical glitch there, something in the Cosmos, so I'm glad we got it fixed. So could you just, just go back just for a second, just kind of repeat what you said, because I think it was really powerful. I'm not quite sure where that was, but I'll take it from where I think it might have been. Yeah. You know, besides the, like for me, the why giving's important to me. One of the reasons I really started increasing what I gave was because I realized that if I gave it in certain ways that are easy for me to invite my friends and networks along with me, the impact of what I can afford to give suddenly sort of like gets an exponential growth rate, right? So. You know, I recently invited you and you said yes. So thank you to buy a ticket to the San Diego Equality Awards to sit at a table. I'm hosting, you know, and between the two of us, eight other people are joining us at that table. So I can make a commitment for what I can afford, which is the vibrancy. But by simply inviting friends to come a for a fun night and for a good cause. The cause is getting a few thousand dollars instead of a few hundred dollars, right? So whether or not you do that around, like, whatever other causes you care about, you know, a local AIDS walk, a three day cancer ride, a Facebook fundraiser for your birthday, like the power of being able to take what you can afford and match with your values sort of like grows, like miracle grow on a plant when you start inviting people to join you, right? So suddenly I can go from affording to give the food bank enough money to feed two families. But if I do that in a way that allows others to join me and I invite them to, they can feed hundreds of families. Right. Right. I think it's also important. You said this and I, I love this because I think we don't think about it often enough, but, and I'm going to paraphrase it wrong. So you may have to correct me. But if, You just sit back and watch things happen and don't get into action about it for yourself. Then you can't be mad at the fact that there's not change being made. And I really think that's an important thing for people to hear. Because many times we feel like maybe our voice isn't going to matter, our five dollars isn't going to matter, our hour of service isn't going to matter because we're just one person. And I think we've realized. Significantly over the last couple of years, specifically that that one voice does matter. That 5 does matter that one hour can make a huge impact. And so I love that you said that because admittedly, and I've told you this many times you've not only invited me to attend some really wonderful events I've also learned more by attending those events than I would have had I done the research on my own. And then furthermore, I may even say that what I've even done the research, what I have looked into the cause, what I have looked into the candidate, if I hadn't gone to an event with you and sat down and met and listened to the people that I've done. So I'm, I'm super grateful to you for that. And by having that stance that says, I can't be mad at something That doesn't change or shift or redirect if I don't get in there and do something. So thank you for saying that. And thank you for inviting me to all of those amazing events. Not only is it fun and we meet great people the cause and the causes have really come to light for me. And so I've, I've learned a lot over the past, you know, five, six, seven years. That's been super or more longer, nine years. That's been super beneficial. Yeah, I agree. You know, the old saying is, like, if you're not part of a solution, you're part of a problem, right? And that goes back to, like, by sitting in the recliner and just, like, yelling at MSNBC when I'm annoyed by politics, or forget the politics, just annoyed by the injustice in the world around anything but I think every single action, it doesn't have to be money. It doesn't even have to be an hour of service. It could be a simple concept of voting, right? You know, and it gets, I think it's hard and, like, The sort of very contentious political space we live in for people. It's very easy for people to get dismayed and not to want to be part of it anymore. And I totally get it, right? Because it's ugly as shit. Excuse my language. But at the same time, there's literally in the primary of a congressional race in California right now, a recount because second place in the primary was a tie. Hi. Right. So we're talking about a congressional race, thousands and thousands and thousands of ballots, not like a local city council race in a town of 4000 people, right, where it's like five votes, right? We're talking about a dead heat tie. So every vote counts, though. And if you're volunteering, whether it be to campaign on a, you know, for a candidate or for a ballot measure. Every door you knock at every phone you call and every text message you send as a volunteer Makes a difference, right? It is not the first recount California's ever seen by any means, right? We have them all the time and so every action from simple as voting to To giving our money to anything else all makes a dramatic difference, right? I also think about like taking it back to volunteerism, DAP, like I said, had volunteers at every aspect of that organization from the front desk to the retail business and anywhere else. So do many, many, many thousands of other organizations. All I really remember, well, one of the things that struck me all the time was that, I was a staff member. I walked through that door every day. I got to see the volunteer at the front desk every day and was happy to say thank you. And I also remember the days where the volunteers at the front desk when I was walking in and not a good mood would notice it and reach out and like say something. Right. And something really warm and welcoming. And I think about what that means. Forget if I'm a staff member, but if I'm walking in there as a patient and I'm not feeling well, or maybe I'm scared, right? The power of an hour of volunteerism, you know, with an organization that is touching the lives of other people, you know, you may not see as a result of that, you know, the homelessness count in the San Diego Tribune or the LA Times change, right? But people's lives when they went home that day were better. Right, so I, I think the value of any action we can take on any given day is well worth our time. If it's giving money, it's well worth our money. I would say to your point, though, people should research, right? Don't pull out the ballot without having given it some thought before you. And, and If you didn't do the research still though, but ideally take the time before you give the money to charity, take the time to do some homework, talk to a friend your listeners can email me. I'm happy to chat about those things, but yeah not only take the action, but do it with some education to make sure that you're going to kind of like change society in the way that you want to, that's kind of in your heart about why you're doing it. Yeah, so important. And, and, you know, as, as we, this could be a whole other podcast about voting which we don't have time for today, but I do have a question for you as we get ready to wrap this conversation up. As you know, recently we both met person who's running for local school board and absolutely fell in love with her, had a great conversation, interviewed her a couple of podcasts ago, and she really opened my eyes to the importance. And she did a couple of things that were so pivotal for me. And. I look to you and her many, many times for support. I admittedly, and I told you this before, prior to really starting to attend these events with you on the political spectrum, basically shied away from it because I didn't feel educated enough. And I'm embarrassed to say that I've forgiven myself, but I was embarrassed to say that because I didn't know enough, I was afraid to ask the questions. And over the last couple of years, specifically, I've been I have no choice but to ask the questions. I have no choice but to say, Daryl, what is this about? Who is this? You know, can you give me a little insight? I don't want to ask you just so I know which box to tick. I want to ask you so I become educated. And that's what Kate said. She's like, you know, you need to know who your city council is. You need to know who your school board is. You need to know who your district judges are. I know that becomes overwhelming for people. So I guess we could go down this super Deep rabbit hole about voting and politics. We're not going to do that today, but why is it important for everyone to not only vote, but also to do the research because we're coming up on a interesting time over the next, right? Six, seven years. What would your kind of closing words or parting words to, to somebody who sits out there and says, eh, I don't need to worry about it? Cause I know you have an opinion. Yeah. So. I don't think one could underestimate the importance of who holds seats of power, because that's what they are, right? These people have the power to influence everything from municipal or county or federal budgets, To who gets services and who doesn't and I mean, I think for like pothole filling to like whether or not we have housing for our homeless folks, right? And whatever other issues are important to anybody who's listening for that matter. But, you know, one of the things as somebody, again, who like has an equity and justice lens on everything for myself it's very clearly known and understood now based on history. That representation of marginalized groups of people holding power is critical to moving forward and correcting injustice and inequity, right? So we being represented by LGBTQ people holding office, you know, people of color being represented by people who racially identify similarly to them in office, right? Right. Being represented by people who are immigrants holding office, right? We are our own best champions. And when we bring our real life stories into these houses of power, whether it be a city council or a state assembly or Congress. The people who don't identify the same way still have to hear the story and may put a human face to all the political BS that normally gets attached to equity and justice issues. And more often than not, those champions of all of our collective causes have far greater, you know, success. and truly advancing, you know, moving from injustice to justice and inequity to equity, right? So for me, because those are my lenses, you know, my candidates, I support by both voting and not just both with my voting, with my time and with my money tend to be people from marginalized backgrounds, whether they be queer and or people of color or immigrant or anything else, right? That may identify themselves that way. Because I know it's the only way, one of the main levers of change that I can pull in my life that is going to truly advance equity and equality, you know, and justice for the people who we share the city and country with, right? Brilliantly said, right? I knew that if I asked you that question, you would answer it in such a way that would really impact. And I hope that our listeners heard that and took that in. And you know, this is the Just Do You podcast. It's designed to be a network of conversations that can evoke and inspire and have people maybe look at things a little bit differently. Maybe come up with a different Kind of way of deciding or making decisions in their life. And I'm so grateful to you because who you are, not only to me and to your friends and your colleagues in this community of San Diego and, and to your broader community across the country. Cause you know, a lot of people, my friend, and have done a lot of good. I say this and I'm trying to make it not sound repetitive, but the world is a better place with you in it. And I'm so grateful to you, not only for your friendship, but for what you've taught me. And I appreciate what you do out in the community and the changes that you're making, and will continue to make not only in your career, which has opportunity to soar. I love watching you build this practice of yours. But I'm also always going to be happy to be your plus one at these events. And so at the end of every conversation, I asked my guests a question. And it comes a little bit as a surprise, but I'm going to ask you the question as we wrap up. I'm going to get an extra sip of coffee for this. It's actually not horrible, but I think it's poignant given the story and the journey that you've told, which has been really powerful. But if you could go back to that little boy in New Jersey, young Daryl, what would you say to him about his life now? Oh boy. Oh really two very simple things. And one is. was the name of a movement, right? In gosh, when I was 30, so the mid 2000s, right? The, it gets better movement. It gets better, right? If I could tell the person who wanted to take their own life, anything, it would be, it gets better. And it not only gets better, it gets great, right? It gets truly wonderful. And I got to take. One extra minute probably more than you want me to for no, no, no. I failed to say something in the answer to the last question that is going to connect these two. I left gender out of what I said, and it was a oversight, right? For me, gender, not just people of color and not just queer people, but women. And obviously. Folks who have different gender identities to me is also a key justice issue, and I wanted to not miss it a and remember for myself that it's actually always been prior to myself being asked to say this to myself now because you did the people who got me through the hardest points of my life and served me the best in terms of my growth were remarkable women. And, you know, so I didn't want to leave it out because the people who whispered these things in my ear and, or grabbed me by the shirt collar and shook me so I'd hear them when I needed to have always been strong, empathetic, compassionate women. So me leaving gender out of my last answer I was sitting with and trying to figure out a way to correct in this conversation because I am a diehard feminist and certainly stand behind women more than ever now while they're on the front lines of the reproductive justice battle all over again. Well, if anyone can wrap it around and bring it home, you can, and I promised myself I wasn't going to get emotional on this next podcast, but I am because it's so beautifully put and I'm very grateful to those women who took you by the collar and shook you and also kind of took you in, in their hands and said, just do you. Be you, be Daryl and you'll be great. So thank you again for spending time with us today and sharing us a little bit of your journey and your passion. I'm just so blessed and honored to have you on. And I hope the listeners will take a lot of what you said to heart and go out and volunteer and go out and give back however they can and to go out and get engaged and get involved. That's another thing you've taught me is you cannot sit back and hope that things will change. You have to get out. And you have to get out and be a part of the change. And so, that's what I'm hoping people take away from our conversation today. So thank you for being here. Thank you for having me my friend and the world is also a much better place because you're in it and I greatly appreciate Thank you. Well, I love you tons and to our listeners go out and live in this space of just being yourself. Find your voice, find your passion, find your confidence and go out and connect with someone. Say hi, make a difference in someone's life. And I promise you the difference it's going to make in your life is going to ripple out into the world. And right now we need it. So thanks again for being here. Bye Darryl. All right, everyone. Thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just You Podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you can easily share the podcast and episode Directly with your friends. And if you would rate us and leave us a review, we'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at just do you pod. As you go out into the world today, remember to just do you. All right. Talk next week.