S1E34 Carolina Panoff - From Fitting In To Belonging

Join me this week as I sit down with Florida based Carolina Panoff, founder of Be You Coaching AND the incredibly popular Be You Disco.  Carolina and I recently met at a Wellness Summit and I had the privilege of experiencing first hand the power of cultivating and inspiring engagement, authenticity, and a deep state of well-being through music, dance, and true human connection, the foundation of her Be You Disco platform.  It truly was one of the most impactful experiences I have ever had and can't wait to join her again! 

Carolina shares her journey from childhood, being driven to be her best and to  exceed expectations, through her time in corporate sales which had left her unfulfilled and not only looking for more, but for answers to questions she had about her own life.  This desire for something more led her on a beautiful journey of self discovery and awareness which ultimately resulted in the creation of her coaching practice in 2015 and Be You Disco in 2020. 

Carolina is dedicated to supporting people in getting free from the constraints that hold them back in order to create a life filled with purpose and wonder that actually excites them! She shares some of the most profound insights during our time together and one in particular, the distinction between fitting in and belonging rocked me to my core and shifted a deeply painful conversation I have had my entire life.  I am so grateful to this beautiful soul and I know you will love our conversation as much as I did.  Enjoy! 

To follow Carolina on Instagram, click here: https://www.instagram.com/carolina.panoff/

To learn more about Carolina's Consulting Practice, click here: https://www.carolinapanoff.com

To follow Be You Disco on Instagram, click here: https://www.instagram.com/beyoudisco/

To learn more about BE YOU DISCO, click here: https://www.beyoudisco.com

Thank you for joining us and we can't wait to welcome you back again next week! New episodes drop every Thursday and can be found wherever you find your favorite podcasts!  

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Want to learn more about our host, Eric Nicoll?  Visit:  https://ericnicoll.com

Transcript

0:05

Hello, everyone. Welcome to the Just2u podcast. My name is Eric Nicole and I'm your host. If you are a first time listener, welcome to the conversation. And if you're a regular, I'm honored that you've decided to join me for another episode. The Just2u podcast is centered around a network of conversations, which are meant to connect us, to inspire https: otter. ai And who knows? We might even learn a little something new that ultimately allows us to live in the sweet spot that I like to call the just you, you space it being. Each week I have the privilege of sitting down for unscripted conversations with friends, family, colleagues, community leaders, and influencers that all share their own personal journeys. I hope that you enjoy our time together as much as I have. We are certainly gonna laugh, and yes, we might even cry a little, but in the end, we're gonna know that we're not alone during our life's journey. So, are you ready? Great, let's do this. Welcome to The Conversation. All right, everyone. I am so blessed and elated to introduce you to my guest today. Carolina Panoff. Hi, Carolina. Hi, Eric. So happy to be here. Me too. All day yesterday, I was walking around the house, just excited about today. Looking at your websites, checking out your bio, checking out your journey. And it was really inspiring. And I think today, especially for me, I woke up this morning. Do you know how you have those mornings sometimes when you wake up and the first thing you do before the lights even get turned on is your brain starts right. And you start to ramp. And today was one of those days for no apparent reason, no apparent reason. I don't have a hugely pressing day. But, I woke up into this conversation of there's so much to do. There's so much to get done. I've got to do this. I've got to do that. But there really was nothing to do. Does that make sense? Like there really was nothing on my calendar. So it was interesting to walk into this conversation with you today. Because I'm going to let everyone know how we met and then we're going to get right into the conversation. But it was the perfect day to have this conversation with you. So thank you for being here. Yeah. So for our listeners Carolina and I recently met. We were at a luxury wellness summit here in Newport beach, California. Currently you're from Florida, so you ventured out West. Thank you for doing that, especially during a very crazy weather pattern, which we know in Florida and East coast, and we're glad you're safe and back home safe, but I was really glad that you took the time to come out to Newport, but we were at this luxury wellness summit that was designed to introduce wellness vendors. Resorts, retreats to planners like myself and how to incorporate wellness into our meetings and events. And you were one of the first people that I met there with a session with your company called BU Disco. And we're going to talk about that in a second, but I wanted to preface the conversation by saying that it was truly one of the most profound experiences that I've had at an industry event in the last 20 years. And why is because what we're going to talk about today, it really is about getting yourself to a space of. Peace within you and then how you can take that out into the world and how you can connect with people Out in your world because I say as I said to you before we started recording That I started the just you podcast because we were so disconnected I felt so completely removed from friends and family And all that during the pandemic. So when I walked onto the grass at the resort and saw the name of your company, BU Disco and the name of my podcast, Just Do You. So again, thank you for being here and thank you for that experience, which we'll talk about in a couple of minutes. Yeah, a hundred percent. It was definitely one of those moments that was divinely guided, I would say to meet somebody like you at an industry event like that. So very, I'm also blessed equally. Well, thank you. So also I should say that you're the founder of BU coaching. You founded that program in 2015, if I remember correctly. And you said something in your bio that I thought was really interesting. And you said that in your experience, in order to be a great coach you need to learn to be your best client first, what, take a second just to talk about that. What did you mean by that? So the thing with coaching, it's first off, it's not a regulated industry. So anybody could really call themselves a coach, but the best coaches, and of course there's certification programs. And I, myself, I did get a certification. Not to say that you need one in order to be a coach, in my opinion, walking yourself through your own transformation and being your own best coach. So holding a compassionate space for yourself as you are, perhaps shifting outside of limiting beliefs or things that have, maybe you had an upper limit for yourself where it's like you're only allowing this certain level of happiness and you can't somehow get past that and you're sabotaging yourself. You know, it's like, that was one of the patterns that I was actually and going through my, in my own personal life. And of course you can do a certification program, which is beautiful and you're going to get tools and you're going to know how to work with people. But until you actually embody that transformation yourself, the depth of wisdom, the depth of guidance that you're able to give someone is just like, it's just not there. So yeah. You know, in the, in the beginning, to be honest, when I first started my coaching journey There's an element of needing to step before you're ready. Because you're actually shifting into a new identity. It's like you're going from not being a coach to being a coach. And that can be a really big step for a lot of people. And it was for me for sure. It's like crossing a chasm of having a new self concept, a new, a new identity to embody. So there's this element of like self trust and needing to almost make the move before there's even proof that tells you that you're good at coaching. Or that you're able to hold space for clients, but the only, the proof that's really, and I'm talking about like in a relational client based dynamic, but like the proof that does exist is your own transformation. So always coming back to that. That's what I, that's what I mean by it is just, yeah. Our capacity to embody certain levels, it allows us to actually give that to our clients on a much deeper, more profound level. Well, I say that's probably true. And not only a coaching practice, but also let's say therapy, I think, you know, therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists, I think it's very important, obviously for everyone. You said something on your website that I loved. And it said, I knew I wanted to feel like I was doing something purposeful. And I also found myself coming up against many obstacles, including imposter syndrome, lack of clarity, indecision. overwhelm and procrastination. I think you just described pretty much everyone. And if they say they've never been through that, I don't believe them because I believe we've all been through that. Right. But I love that because it just, it resonated with me because we all go through those moments of imposter syndrome and our identity and all of that or that procrastination is a big one, right? We actually talked about that in one of my first episodes with my guest, Nathan. I'm curious, take us back a little bit. Cause I'm very curious with all my guests about their youth and their childhood. What was Carolyn like as as a young girl? I love this question because it is, it's yeah, my younger inner child self. is the reason why I do what I do today. When I was younger, I was a total tomboy. was a little bit, I was hiding behind my athleticism because I didn't feel very confident in myself. So that was the way that I was able to connect with people and garner like respect, I guess, in the world or admiration in the world was like, Oh, she's an athlete. She's really good at soccer. She's really good at volleyball. And I learned at a really young age that achieving, whether it was through sports or just like achievement through school and like that achievement was the way that I was going to find love in the world. So I needed to become an achiever. I needed to be the best. Which put me very much so in my masculine energy as a, you know, moving through young adulthood being in my twenties. But going back to my younger self one of my core experiences was I was a connector. I was, I was actually awarded in middle school, like the kindest person award because like when there was people that wouldn't, the people that wouldn't fit in, for example, like the new kids who may be just like transferred into the high school or it's the middle school and didn't yet have a friend group. I was immediately like the, the kind of like the girl with the open arms. I was like, Hey, you can sit here. Like I could feel for them that, that sense of anxiety of like, where do I sit in the lunch room? And I became that person, but what I didn't realize at that age is that I became that person because I also deeply felt like I didn't fit in. So it almost like gave me this like upper hand, you know, of like, let me create. The space for belonging for others even though I'm not necessarily feeling like I, you know, belong myself. So I had a, I had a massive, like, I had a real obstacle around belonging and fitting in and developing these patterns around chameleon, chameleoning myself and you know, seeing how, how do I need to change and shift who I am in order to be what this person needs me to be. in order to garner their respect. Can I ask you a question? And you don't have to, excuse me for interrupting, but I think this is important and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, this is, put you on the spot. But when you said you didn't feel like you fit in, can you go a little deeper into that? Like what caused you to feel that way? This is a big part of like the work I do with with women in my coaching. It's because I didn't fit in with myself. I didn't yet know how to belong to myself. I was afraid of having opinions. I was afraid of having an opinion that differed from somebody else, God forbid, and now you don't, you know, What caused it is our deep rooted need as humans for connection, the desire to feel connected and the fear, the absolute tumultuous crazy fear of rejection that we all have around not being accepted. And I think to bring it back, like, you know, from a really big bird, zooming out from a bird's eye lens I, I can really see that my parents in a way modeled people pleasing and modeled not being true to themselves, not setting boundaries they didn't mean to, you know, it's like, of course our parents do the best that they can and it's not about blaming our parents ever, but most, most of us are not given emotional. And we're kind of like trained out of authenticity at a very young age. And when I say trained out of authenticity, what I mean is like, even if a parent is telling a child like, Hey, finish your food. And the kid's body, the impulse from the body is saying I'm full. And your parent is overriding your bodily impulse. You're being inadvertently told in a way that you can't trust your body. that you can't trust that this is like, that this thing is pure, that this thing is right, that this thing knows what it's doing. Same thing with like, oh, give your uncle a kiss. Smile, you know, like we're really trained out of in, we're trained out of authenticity by these micro moments. And I think that that was something that I experienced quite a bit. And it really affected me as like a lower school, middle schooler. And it wasn't until I started getting into the coaching world and becoming my best client that I realized that belonging is something that gets sourced from the inside out, that you have to belong to yourself first. And once you do, you attract the most incredible people that align with you because they actually can know who you are now because you're not flip flopping and right. Yeah, there also needs to be, I think it's so important what you said. And it's so beautifully put because we don't teach and listen, kudos and shout out to the parents, right? I'm not a parent. I miss not being a parent, but man, oh man, what a job that is. And there is no masterclass in parenting. Right. And so many parents raise children based on, like you said, they do their best on based on what they know. I wish there would be an opportunity for, again, the masterclass to be able to teach parents how to, especially these days, allow their children to come into their own, to be themselves. able to set those boundaries early on and to be able to communicate early on what's important to them and what it means to them. Like you said, it's like, you know, eat your food, you know, smile, give your uncle a kiss. Same thing. I, I don't know if I'm expressing it as well as I want to, cause that really hit me in that moment that you said that, but it's very true. So I get it, but how fascinating is it that that's, your experience as a child and being that connector and being that person, right? Who was that, regardless of where it came from and how it was, how it was kind of put on you, you then later in life become somebody who is connecting people in such a beautiful and profound way. So that's why I like to ask the question because 98% percent of the people that I have had conversation with, they've had experiences in their childhood and their youth that have clearly shaped who they are in the future. And the journey that it takes them to get there is sometimes very tumultuous and very unfulfilling. You said it in your bio on your website, you know, you were not going down the path that you knew you were destined to go down. And I'm in that very same boat. You know, I've been in this career for almost 30 years and I've loved every minute of it. And it's been incredibly rewarding because it's given me the opportunity, especially in this later, like last 10 year span, because I've been very conscious about putting myself in front of people that resonate with me, right? This very mindfulness moment because of my journey and my coaching. But I, I noticed a lot of people. in my world and in the world that are walking down a path that is very unfulfilling for them. And, you know, really looking into what you were talking about in your coaching practice is that you help people get past that to find their true identity. So when you were, you know, teenage years, did you, Head towards this same connector or did you take a different path that puts you on that journey to then later on realize that maybe wasn't exactly the one that you were intended to be on. I, I think I was like almost forcing myself to be extremely extroverted, like extroversion in a way was my coping mechanism and connecting people was almost like a coping mechanism because I was too afraid of looking inward and turning my gaze inside. Because it does take a lot of courage, you know, especially, yeah, I mean, on the spectrum of coping mechanisms, right? It's like, we've got ones that are very valued in our society, like overachieving and just like doing all the time, creating companies, building wealth, like, you know, exercising all the time. Like, these are all. Coping and some of their, some of them are healthy strategies, which we absolutely want to have in our lives, but on the, on the flip side, and for me, connecting people, extroversion, filling up my calendar all the time, not having like a, a simple space to just be with myself because I was afraid of what, subconsciously, I was afraid of what I would find there. I didn't feel comfortable going there yet. And of course on the other spectrum, we've got, you know, drugs, alcohol, all that stuff. But yeah, I think that my extroversion and my, my connecting people, it does come from a pure desire of wanting to feel like a tribe, wanting to feel wanting that realness, that vulnerability connection. But it also came, there was like this tinge of like it was a coping strategy for me. Because I didn't feel like I belong yet. So it's like if I can be the purveyor of belonging for others, maybe I'll feel like I belong. What do you think the, what do you think the experience of belonging is? What is that for you? Like, does that make sense? Like what is the feeling? Oh man. I mean, it's. I just had it the other day in such a beautiful way. You know, to be honest, I didn't experience belonging until I started doing this inner work. And I actually created BU Disco and through creating BU Disco, because I didn't initially start off in the corporate market doing meetings and events. I first started with community events and the people that I attracted. Through starting to do these communal experiences where we're all about unity and connection and self expression are my best friends today. And like, they got to see me because I was putting myself out there. Like I was really being, like, BU Disco is an extension of who I am. It's my heart on a silver platter. And like, people can really feel that. And Yeah. So for my birthday, we all went to the beach. I brought some of the headphones. There was like 10 of us, just friends, like frolicking in the waves. We had our headphones on and we were just dancing our asses off. And people would like walk by and stare and like, we didn't care. You know, that's belonging. It's this feeling of just, it's the opposite of fitting in because when we have to fit in, it's like, We're, we're hiding aspects of ourselves, but belongings, when you can be truly vulnerable and open and feel safe in that connection, I think. Okay. Wow. Okay. So go back two things. Okay. That just hit me like square in the face. So there's a distinction. I want our listeners to hear this. There's a distinction between fitting in and belonging. Yeah, for sure. And this is something that's huge. That's huge. Yeah. Talk about that. Yeah. Yeah. So and I'm going to paraphrase Brene Brown here because I absolutely love her work and she's, she's a big inspiration for me, but you know, fitting in is the, the greatest hindrance to us feeling a sense of belonging. It's kind of like, it's like junk food sex versus good sex. You know, it's like you get like a real, a little taste, but then you're left feeling. Like, Oh, like feeling depleted or unfulfilled. Fitting in is the same way. It's like, you're changing something about yourself to fit in with that group. Belonging is you are in integrity and honoring yourself first. And. You have a capacity in a way to be repellent. In order to belong, you have to be repellent. You have to have, you have to be able to feel comfortable repelling the people that are not for you. What I was doing when I was a kid is I had no capacity to be repellent. I needed to be everything to everyone. And if someone didn't like me, God forbid, I would make that mean something about me instead of just realize not everyone's for me. But yeah, I would say that's the, the difference. So, this, this is probably the most, and I'm not being glib, life changing statement I've heard in the last decade. Like that, like I'm literally sitting here welling up with tears in my eyes because I've spent my, most of my life, right. Trying to fit in. And yet when, because we all do, I'm not unique. We all do. And when I, when you said the word belonging, I thought, good God, we just all want to belong. Don't we? We all just want to belong. And I think again, I'm like tearing up, but that's super. Profound and very deep and the way you explained it, if people can really hear that and go back and listen to that again and apply that to their lives, the repellent part is super important. I learned for the first time in therapy last year at the age of 57 years old, boundaries. My therapist was like, you have no boundaries. You don't set boundaries. I'm like, I, yeah, but everyone's going to like me. She's like, no, they don't. They don't, you're, you're not here to have everyone like you. You're not here to do everything for everyone. You've got to learn boundaries. And it took us a year and I started to develop boundaries. And then in those boundaries, I just started to notice that the people that love to take advantage, no longer had the capacity to take advantage, whether emotionally or, or. Spiritually or otherwise. And so the same thing, I think I can apply to that belonging, you know, versus fitting in because I just want to belong. But what's interesting is especially, I think it's in all communities, but I especially look at the LGBTQ community, we are driven by. Fitting in not by belonging. We spend our entire as long as we start to cry. We spend our entire lives from the moment we realize this last week was national coming out day. And I remembered my journey. We spend our entire lives trying to fit in. If we could spend our entire lives, once we realize that we're gay or bisexual or anywhere on that spectrum, that we're just simply here to belong. Yeah. That is huge. So I'm gonna, put that up on my wall. So thank you for saying that, because that's really, really beautiful. You, we briefly talked about it, so we peppered it, and I'm sure the listeners are sitting here going, what's BU Disco, and what's up with the headphones? So explain what that is before you do that, so I have this friend Nathan, he is a practitioner here in San Diego, and I told you we've done a lot of work together, and he's done amazing work, like timeline regression, and does amazing breath work, he has invited me to attend this free dance class. For almost a year and I'm like, I have every excuse in the book. Oh, the dog. Oh, I can't. Oh, this or that. But inside I'm like, I just want to go dance. I just want to go be free. And I didn't do it. And he would always look at me like, all right, whatever. And so I show up in Newport. We've registered. And one of the first things that we do is we go down to this beautiful lawn overlooking this golf course and the Pacific Ocean at this beautiful resort. And here is this vibrant, beautiful, amazing woman with this smile that just could light the dark. I'm not just saying that because you're here, but then there's this table of headphones and I'm like, Oh, I know what we're going to do. Here we go. Here we go. It's Eric's dance moment. So we put the headphones on and then I'm going to let Here, let me kind of explain the reason and what we do, but what was so beautiful about that, what seemed like an hour in the most beautiful way was this opportunity to shed all of your fears, all of your expectations, all of your anxiety around Going back to that inner child, because that's the moment that I remember and that I so often whether it was in Landmark or whether it was another personal development work is remembering those moments when we were children, when we were skipping around the play yard, or we were running on the frolicking on the beach, or we were singing with our friends and being silly, and then someone says something, you're judged, or Or something happens and you shut down and then you become this person simply trying to, again, fit in and be this person that you think you need to be in society. We stopped dancing. We stopped laughing. Some of us stop. You know, evoking emotion and we just become robotic almost. And so here we are in Newport beach. It's beautiful out. We're with a room full of strangers. I knew one person and even she and I were not really that close. We're industry friends. So we see each other and we say hi and pleasantries, but we put our headphones on and that next hour was transformational. So tell our listeners why you started the you disco and the reason behind it. Cause it's pretty powerful. Yeah. So BU Disco, you know, depending on who I'm speaking to, I kind of frame it differently, but at its core, it is that experience of belonging and connection in a one hour container, a one hour experience where I am guiding people to take off their armor. One thing that we all wear and we all have in common, it doesn't matter if we're at a networking event or if we're dating or if we're like in the grocery store, literally just checking out groceries, is that we have this like, this layer, it's invisible, it's an energetic armor that we carry and it's something that we're conditioned to through life and our life experiences, it's something that we carry. Yeah. We put on and there's good reason for putting it on, but when we, there's moments where there's good reason for putting this on. And it served us in some way, but when we're living our life constantly with this armor on, we are missing out on so much juiciness and so much beauty. And BU disco is an invitation for people to gently take this off. And I'm guiding you every single step of the way. Participants are wearing headphones. We start off with a meditation and really ground the space, get people comfortable in the space together. First off, because it can be, it can bring up some nerve with music. Yeah. Yeah, so we're using music, mindfulness, and movement. Those are the three pillars and I layer my coaching on top of it. And we're really bringing people through a journey that is all about taking that armor off. And it's called BU Disco because it is about authenticity. And this is a wellness experience. I call it wellness team building when I'm, you know, in the meetings, corporate space, when I'm selling it to like leisure hotels, I call it something different depending on, you know, who the client is, but at the core. It's, it's about creating a space for connection and helping people to let go of their judgment of themselves, let go of their judgment of others and see the heightened wellbeing that exists in connection. Because a lot of times when we talk about wellness, we're talking about very individualistic practices like breath work, yoga, sound healing. Like these are things where we're going inwards, which is beautiful because we have to meet ourselves too. But I find that when you really want a sense of heightened wellbeing, it's like, Connecting with other humans without armor on is the most ecstatic freaking experience that you can have in the world. Like it's, it's unreal. It's true. It's very, it's very powerful. Yeah. And yeah, even at the, even at the industry event, you know, some people were brought to tears and emotion cause there's space for that. So we're taking people through this journey. The music is very emotive. Some of the songs are, and we're expressing all emotions. We're really expressing the full spectrum of what it means to be human during this experience. At industry stuff, we're not really going so deep into that, but yeah, it's like, there'll be songs that are about gratitude, joy, connection, love. belonging. And songs will really evoke that feeling in you. And I might be guiding on top, saying something like, go to a moment in your life where you felt truly seen, like where you felt so connected, where you felt really supported. Who was there? Is it your pet? You know, kind of bringing people to this, the space using, using visualization. But then there's also the other side of it because in life, it doesn't always feel like we're up here. It doesn't always feel like we're connected. Sometimes we really feel depressed and disconnected or we're not honoring ourselves or we're not connected to like our body and we're not listening to, we're not listening to simple things such as like, I'm thirsty. Like we're so disconnected, we can't even understand our own physical impulses. And then there's a space in the journey where it's like, you know, maybe it's a sad song. And people are guided to just connect with themselves for a moment and give themselves what they need or just express whatever's weighing heavy on your heart, turn your, your angst into your art, kind of. So it's a emotional, emotive journey. I started it here in West Palm Beach. You know, my first event ever had four people, we're now about 100 people dancing on the beach every single full moon. So we do this on the full moon here as a community. And then I really grew my skill set as a facilitator over time, I was doing it for about two years. And then I started working with the city of West Palm, the Kravitz Center, the Norton Museum of Art, these more like high end leisure places. And then I discovered the beautiful acronym M. I. C. E. The meetings instead of conference expo world. And that's when I brought it into the corporate space and did corporate team building as well as just event engagement, you know, authenticity is such a key word right now, especially I feel like in the industry, what we do is very, very authentic. It peels back the layers, maybe even a little too much depending on who the client is. And that's another thing. It's like my expression of BU Disco is not for everybody. Not everyone's going to be my client. Not everybody has the capacity to hold that or go there, or even wants their team to feel connected at that level. I agree with you, and I also, and I get it. It's very individualistic. But I also said to you when you asked me if I would, you know, basically speak on camera. And I will stand behind what I said. If you started every, let's just stick on the corporate side for a minute, the my side, if you started every morning of a conference or a meeting or an incentive or some sort of program with, even if it was an abridged version of this experience, I am clear without any doubt. And I'm saying this very passionately because that's how I set the intention in that BU disco session for the rest of the three days was I am clear that you would come out the other side of that meeting incentive. Conference, whatever, having experienced one of the best programs of your life, because it actually presents you to this sense of connectedness, which if we're so disconnected to begin with, here I go with my soapbox. If we're so disconnected to begin with, when we go into a meeting with, and I see it as the planner, I see it as the planner, we have these meetings with Whether it's a hundred people or 800 people. And there's a speaker that we've probably paid 50, 60, 70, 000 to come talk, flown them in from New York and people on their computers and on their phones, they're not even listening to the message they're listening, but they're listening through the filter of I'm working, I have to answer this call into this email and they're disconnected. It is a word that I think is becoming cliche. And so I said, if we just started off the day with this experience, the connectedness that you feel not only changes you internally, it's going to shift the experience that you have wherever you are. So I even said, I think I said to you that I think this world would be a much better place if we started off every morning with a little guided BU disco moment early to pan off. Oh, But I mean that because, and again, listen, you know, I love you and I, you and I will be friends forever. But I mean that in general, if they have somebody in their town or their community that teaches some sort of mindfulness meditation, whether it be, be you disco related or not, it's important. These are the things that we need to do for us. And we're not doing them for us, right? We get into our day. We get into our moment. We get into our, where we're needed, whether it's. Being a parent, being an executive, being the owner of a company, being a boss, being a whatever and we lose sight of if we are not taking care of ourselves, if we are not taking the time to center and ground ourselves and love ourselves and appreciate ourselves and celebrate ourselves, we are absolutely no good to anyone. Totally. And yeah, those things are daily practices like celebrating yourself is like yeah. Daily practices. I have a note actually in my phone. I'll show you guys. So anyone watching this definitely take this as a celebration practice, but I call this my daily devotion. I used to call it my morning routine and that started to feel a little bit strict. And I would actually, hurt myself with my morning routine when I was looking at it as a routine, something to just get task, like a checkbox off the list. Now this is more of like, this is a devotion to myself. But I have a little thing right here and I will go ahead and just write and celebrate myself every single morning. And it is like the most life changing practice. And it might feel a little bit awkward in the beginning, especially if you're not maybe you haven't connected to yourself for a while. It's like we sometimes, our relationship to ourself is just like any other relationship. Like if we've avoided somebody for 20 years, they're not going to be very, it's not going to feel very fulfilling at first. And that's okay. It's like, we can embrace that as well. But But it's so important. I since March was diagnosed in AFib very unexpectedly and ended up having to have a procedure an ablation, which was very eyeopening, but I was waking up every morning into the state of panic every morning, eyes open. And I'm like, did I have a stroke? Did I have a heart attack? You know, did I stop breathing? Was my heart okay? And what I would do is turn the TV on and I would turn the news on. So I started my day in panic. I lived my day through panic, trying to work. And then I ended my day in panic because I would watch the news before going to bed. And one of my good friends and I call them part of my, my squad said to me, you've stopped meditating. You've stopped the mantra. You've stopped your practice. And I love what you said, your daily devotional, because I do it. I'm in that spot now, starting back a couple months ago, it becomes this thing to check off each morning, each night. So I'm going to change that terminology. I could show you my list. It's also on my phone. It's in my calendar, but it's a daily practice. It's breath work. It's a color with a mandala coloring book. It's my 15 minutes to just get myself connected to being precise throughout my day and enjoy the bliss of coloring. And I'm listening to great music. And then I have my own mantras that I'm writing and my own affirmations and yoga as well. And it's, it's important. And I've. And the TV doesn't come on hardly at all now. And I think it's so important because I was so disconnected. I didn't feel myself. I didn't feel like I was in my body. And I think as the listener. You know, sits back and kind of reflect if you don't feel inside your own body each and every day, like you can't presence yourself and maybe that's another podcast for another time talking about what that feels like. If you feel like you're floating above the ground a couple inches and just getting through your day, that's disconnected. That's like the energy is all up here. It's all up in your head And, and I think there's a lot of people, I know quite a few who resist the practice or resist taking that first step to get into something like meditation or breath work, or, meeting you for a BU disco session because it's overwhelming, we already have so much to do and what I have found and what I implore people to do is to take a look at taking baby steps. I do rather than a 30 minute breathwork session. I do 10 minutes. I do 10 minutes of meditation. I do 15 minutes of yoga. I don't get up and do an hour of power yoga in my living room. But every day that I do that, I feel a little bit better and a little bit grounded. And I'm noticing my days are a lot happier. My days are a lot more fulfilled. One of my mantras that I read is this is a day of completion. All that is intended to be done will be done. And the things that aren't, we'll wait till tomorrow and it's changed my world. I'm like not working at my desk until 10 o'clock. Anyway, I can go on, but I think getting back to the BU disco, one of the things that you did during the session in Newport, which I thought was so, it's going to make me cry. I knew this was going to happen was when we were standing in the circle. It's okay. I told you before we started recording, I'm known as the podcast crier. But it's emotional because I love seeing people be themselves and to express themselves, right? There was a moment we're standing in the big circle and you had it start with one person and it was how we Correct me if I'm wrong, how we observed, how we expressed the song we were hearing. And it was in a movement of some sort. It had to be a movement. Yeah. And I don't know if you remember this, cause you probably do, but what was so fascinating about that moment? Was that I would say a good 75 percent of the expression of the people that were when it was their turn to express how they were feeling or the emotion that they came from that song was either a heart, whether they place their hand on their heart, they blew a kiss to someone. Yeah. Sorry, here I go. But it just, it just resonated with me that all we want to do is be seen and be heard and be acknowledged and be loved. That's it. That's it. Fundamental level. We just want to be seen and celebrated and heard and loved. And in that moment, as I was watching all those people you could tell when they were looking up, looking down, not looking at the other person. You could tell when there was that sense of, of anxiety. What do you think that is in that moment of that anxiety? Like what is that anxiety for you and your experience as a coach? And also is this meditation, mindfulness, BU disco experience? What is that? Hmm I think it's resistance. It's probably the feeling like, Oh, if I really let myself go here, I might actually feel something. And God forbid, I feel something I've trained myself for decades not to feel. And yeah, so that, that exercise is really beautiful just to give some more context. It's, you know, depending on the group size, maybe it's 30 people, a hundred people, you've got a hundred people, 30 people standing in a circle. And the song is very, It's very like soft and beautiful and emotive and it's like a journey and the prompt is similar but it's actually how how would you like to see How would you like to, what kind of change would you like to see in the world to turn that into a movement? And some people are like, you know, yay. Some people are like hugging themselves. Some people are, well, you know, it's like every expression is so different. And yeah, there is those moments where it's like some people are really, really connected and like you feel this mass connection to the group and it's that feeling of belonging. And we were talking about. You know, the thing with belonging, it's like, we're not meant to belong to everyone in terms of like friend circles and stuff. However, where BU Disco, where I try to bring people is that we belong to this human race. It's like, there's a level of belonging there that maybe I don't want to hang out with you and grab coffee with you all the time, but we are like, we can get to like the, the foundation of just like, we all want the exact same thing. Can we just like open our hearts to each other? But yeah, I think that's, that, that's the resistance. That's the fear of the fear of feeling the fear of being vulnerable and when people aren't quite ready yet, and that's okay because there's definitely I would say in every single experience I've led, there's always going to be that energetic present, like people that are in that space. And they are so welcome in that space exactly as they are. And that's the whole thing. It's be you. If anxiety is present, maybe you want to move as anxiety, like, ah, you know, it's like, whatever's coming up is the perfect thing. Right. Yeah, and I don't think people really sit with that, that it's okay if that's what you're feeling. Mm hmm. The purpose is you're feeling. Yeah. Like even numbness is a feeling. Exactly. That's a feeling. Be with that moment. It was the greatest coaching I ever got from my therapist was really be with that hurt that you experienced from your separation and your divorce. Be with it. I didn't want to be with it for years. I set it aside. I pushed it. I pushed it. We were also dealing with the pandemic and everything else that was going on. But I, when I finally sat with that. that hurt and that sadness and really sat with it for a while and experienced it. It was so much easier to let it go because I worked through the process, right? And I think that's what I noticed with people that were going through the BU Disco exercise is because they started out, some never got to the other side and that's okay. It was an experience and they'll remember it. You can't not. It was beautiful and fun and silly and powerful. And I think that's the other important thing. You can have both. You can have empowering moments that are silly. You know, there was that moment when we were dancing around. Oh, I love that you said that. I could just see Nathan's expression. Like every excuse in the book, you couldn't come to my dance class. And here you are in Newport beach with a headset on dancing like a, a two year old. But I remember that moment because I love to dance. I love to dance. I've been at weddings and birthday parties. I love it. Nightclubs. It's my thing. In a setting like that, it was like, Oh, no, because there's judgment and there's, there's all of that that goes with that. And I think it's something else interesting, Carolyn, and I, this kind of resonates with me as we're talking about, you know, your work in corporate world is there is a corporate expectation. Mm hmm. of that buttoned up professional, you've got to be neutral. You've got to be this, that, and the other. You've got to be the strength and the power for your client and for your company and for your people. And I think that gets ingrained with people. And I often felt like one of the best things before I did the, do you, do you disco experience? I often thought one of the greatest things would take everyone to one of those smash places, you know, where you walk in and you grab a baseball bat and just beat the crap out of stuff and you break dishes because we just gotta, where do you let it out and where do you let it go? And I think at that corporate world, very few companies, unless you are kind of in that wellness spot, at least that I'm aware of, you know, do you. Ever get to just be silly in a meeting or be free or be you and Yeah. I think that's so important, you know, allowing yourself that space to just be silly. There's a guy who runs at my beach. I live here in San Diego and I walk the dog on in Cardiff and there's this guy who every time I'm there is wearing the same outfit which is a hat, no shirt. Shorts and these tennis shoes with the brightest colored neon yellow socks. You've ever seen in your life. It's his brand. He's way too tan for my good. I hope he was wearing sunscreen, but he's wearing a headset and he is dancing. Not running, not jogging, dancing down this beach. Beach and what's so interesting to me, because again, I'm the observer of, of everything. I love to just look and watch people is watching the people's responses that are walking down the beach to him. And you can tell there are people who are laughing and smiling going, God, he's having a great time. And isn't that great? There's the look, there's the look of people that's like, I wish I could do that. But I don't have the. The courage to do that, that thought. And then there's the other people who literally have that look on their face. Like the guy must be literally mentally challenged because there's no reason he would do that. And I would walk and I see him and now it just makes me smile. In the beginning I may have had a little judgment. I'm like, is he all right? Does he, you know, because there was moves, interesting moves, but I've noticed too, the last couple of times that I've seen him is that there is this beautiful smile on his face. And what a joy that is to be able to just Be free. And I noticed it within our corporate exercise as well. I also notice it. Why is it on those trade show floors that we have to be so buttoned up and professional and here's our brand and here's our five star luxury resort. The minute they have an after hours event after dinner, where it's. It's an amazing DJ and the alcohol is flowing. They are like balls to the wall, self expressed. And I've been to some of those. I don't go anymore because I'm way too old. I don't have the energy or the desire mostly. But I, I, I often wonder, like, that's what life is. When do we just simply let go and have fun because it's what's needed? And in this day and age, especially right now where we're at with so much coming at us and so much information and, and energy, we have to take the time for ourselves to do something that is unique for us. And that brings you joy. If that's, you know, hiking, walking, swimming, coloring, being with friends. Being engaged. You know, I think the thing that was so interesting about that weekend that I spent with you was after that experience, you said it earlier that you opened up yourself for the most beautiful people to come into your life. And that's exactly what happened for me there and also in Vegas. What was so interesting is I took your work into Vegas with me, right? Cause it was so close. It was a couple of days in between. And I met some amazing people in Newport you included, have become good friends and will be lifelong friends. I went off to Vegas with that same expression and that same playfulness. And I met people in Fiji, in India, in all of these amazing countries. It was all designed around wellness. That was my focus while I was there. It was all designed around retreats and finding places that were empowering and that were beautiful and that had energy. And it was in the communication of what I was up to with this project, with this retreat that we're planning. People. Literally, who are normally they're going, Oh, we have 286 rooms and 12, 000 square foot of convention space. And we have a face and we have a spa, all of that, all of a sudden stopped talking about all that and was like, Oh my gosh, we have this thing on the island where you can come and you can plant a tree and it gives back to the environment and Oh, we've got a shaman there. They could come and bless the ceremony. And it was all the stuff that they're not. talking about because we've set ourselves in this pattern. So I want to thank you for making my experience again in this corporate setting so enjoyable. I floated around that convention center at 14, 000 steps a day, exhausted, exhausted, tired feet, but I came out with the most amazing relationships. And I really, again, I'm going to go back and kind of implore people to take a look at in their lives where they're at right now. Where are they stuck? Where are they feeling depleted? Where are they feeling hesitation? And take a look at that and to find something that works for them. You may not live in Florida, you may not live in California, but there's online opportunities for people to connect. There are a meetup is another great way to find, you know, groups in your area that may want to take a walk in nature or a walk on the beach or do a meditation or your own BU disco moment. You don't necessarily have to be. In that space, if there were people who were hesitant about taking the next step into a coaching practice, let's say, or into something like BU Disco, what would be your advice to them? What's the nugget that would maybe entice them to take that step to do something for themselves? Hmm. Well, I mean, this is a little cliche, but I say it honestly, every single time I guide BU Disco I'll be like, who here has ever heard the phrase that the magic is outside of the comfort zone. Raise your hand. Everybody raises their hand. It's like, that, that is just so true. And when it comes to coaching, like if it were one on one coaching I guess the, I would ask questions, you know, because it's not about convincing. It's not about, it's not about convincing somebody, but it's really about just like asking powerful questions to elicit, like, what is it that they really desire? And if they have been stuck, if they have been feeling, you know, like they've been procrastinating for like a year or two years now, it's like, what is your life going to be like, if that's the same? You know, three years down the line, like, what does that mean for you? And questions that just are real, that like are raw, that like get you to that place. And hopefully they can make that decision, like an aligned decision for themselves. I would also try to help someone guide them into their, into their body around making a decision, not, not just being up here, because a lot of times, like, for example, when I was floating around, trying to figure out what do I want to do with my life? Like my first job out of college was software sales. And I was really good at it. I was competing with a bunch of men. I was the only woman on a, on a sales team. And then I got into digital marketing and then I got into the aquaculture space and I was literally selling clams and oysters for a living. And then I got into life coaching. And then we talked about that. Yeah. So it's like a very kind of crazy journey. I was just, I was drawn to entrepreneurship and I was drawn to smaller teams. And being in that entrepreneurial energy. But I always knew at the core, I wanted to do my own thing. I just didn't know what it was and. Yeah. I think sharing as, as coaches, a lot of times coaches have hired coaches. Like I have a coach for every area of my life. I've had a coach for relationships. I've had a coach for business. I'm about to hire a new coach who's an event CEO. Who's going to help me grow my business in the event space. If you want to do something faster, you, you hire a coach. That's that's, it's just about being two steps ahead of your client. It's not that these gurus, it's like, I'm no guru. Nobody's a guru. It's like people that you admire and put on a pedestal, check yourself, take them off the pedestal. They're not gurus. They're just people that are like a couple steps further ahead. And we're all walking each other home. It's just how fast you want to walk. So powerful. And I, I still agree with you. I'm so glad that you said that you have your own coaches because I have said many times on this podcast. I, yes, watch the housewives. Sometimes I admit it's my guilty pleasure, but I always laugh at the girls that travel with their glam squad everywhere they go. And I sat back one day, I was watching New York, I think, and I sat back and I went, yeah, Oh, wait, I don't have a glam squad, but I've got my life squad and I have my own team and I have my trainer because if I don't have a trainer, I don't go to the gym. I'm getting into my late fifties. If I don't have strength and core strength and muscle strength, I'm going to have a hard time when I'm older. So I hired a trainer. I have a life coach. I have even a dating coach, which I hired. He was a guest on my podcast and I hired him as a dating coach and it was life changing in three months. Things opened up. I am now dating differently. I am attracting different men. It is extraordinary. So I believe that we need people in our lives and it doesn't mean that you have to go out and spend tens of thousands of dollars, right? Find a friend that's a committed listener. Find someone who's an expert in that field and just connect with them. Right? So I've got people that had come in and out of my life at various times. My therapist, I don't see her every week. I don't see her every month. We've taken a pause now, but I know she's there if I need her. And I need to get through something. So having a coach, I believe. is important for everyone. I have a nutritional coach. I love to eat. I eat the wrong things. I know I'm not supposed to eat them. I know they're not good for me. So I have a nutritional coach that helps me get through these rough patches, especially now that I've been on this journey the last year. That's amazing. is and I'm feeling amazing because I'm eating the foods that work for my body. Not because some guru told me that it was the right diet based on whatever the new fad is. Right. So thank you for saying that because I think it's super important. We all need those people in our lives and I'm grateful to the people. And I consider you a coach. I mean, I did a session with you and I remember some of the moments and I thought as you were walking us through and especially at the end when you were bringing us. Down to the end of that session. I didn't want it to end because it was so beautiful and it was so fun and it was so invigorating, but I knew that that moment I would reference many, many times throughout my life because of that moment that I actually got out there and danced like no one was watching, right? Not to use a, not to use a. I think you and I could probably talk forever and on multiple subjects. There's so much to talk about. Your practice is so robust, but I'm going to start to draw this to a close. I have two questions. One is directed to you right now. Final thoughts on this journey of inner peace and space and, and. And mindfulness. Anything you want to say to close that out? Oh, gosh. Well, one of the most important lessons that I've learned and something that I work with my, my clients on a regular, regular basis is, is that things that seem like they're blocks in our lives, like procrastination, fear of being seen, imposter syndrome, things that are keeping us from doing the thing that we want to do, blocks, are actually stepping stones for Towards your transformation and if we can start to embrace them and understand them and understand the desire beneath them Then we actually get to go ahead and meet them with compassion For the longest time I used to judge myself so hard thinking that judgment was going to be the most productive force to for change Like it's, we all have things that we want to change in our lives. Maybe it's the way we're showing up for ourselves, exercise wise, food wise. And just want to acknowledge you for having such an epic team because that sounds amazing. Yeah. And, you know, I think that most of us are conditioned through once again, our parents not having the tools to think that judging ourselves is actually the thing that is going to unlock the heat. But in truth, it's acceptance. is far more productive than judgment will ever, ever be. And that's like that right there. If you can really take that in and understand that if you're judging the fact that you procrastinate, that is just a layer of judgment layered onto the block, which holds it stuck. And Yeah. So I would say acceptance is the most transfer love and acceptance are the most transformational forces. Judgment will never even come close. So if you find yourself judging, like make that, get in the habit of having self awareness that, Oh, I'm judging. How can I, how can I shift? How can I understand what this block really wants for me? That, that one little reframe right there changed my life. And I think if people can remember, because you just said it, you've got to be present and you've got to be with your thoughts. And I always say, did you think that thought or did the thought think you? Mm. That's great. And that's something that I learned many, many, many years ago. And it's stuck with me all these years. Is it, did I actually have that thought or did the thought think me because of something that I heard or something that I assume you also said something super powerful and I love what you said. I also wanted to say one quick thing about fear, something else I heard. years ago. And I'm hoping that the listeners can take this definition and also what you have just said, and really be mindful. And that is fear is only false expectations appearing real. That's all it is, is a false expectation. And if you can really wrap your head around what that means that that false expectation that you're having is appearing real. but it's not reality, then that's a place that you can go to. And those two things, did I think that thought, did that thought think me? What is fear? Is it? And then with what you said is really, really important because that judgment, we are just judgment making machines, mostly to ourselves, mostly to ourselves. But there was a podcast that I listened to by a good friend of mine. And his guest said that, you know, we walk into situations feeling such fear about what other people are thinking about us. And he drove the point home that no one's thinking about you. They're thinking about them, and if they are thinking about you, it's their thought of who they think you are. It's not you. And does that make sense? And so if you really can step back and kind of giggle at it, that there's so much going on in everyone else's mind. Yeah. It's just not reality. So be present, be within yourself, be within your own kindness and your own generosity and your own gifts and your own love and operate from there. Because from there, like you said earlier, to wrap this up, you can really put that out into the universe. Right? To others. All right. My last question for you. Okay. Last question for you because you'll come back. Will you come back again? Oh, a hundred percent. I can't wait. This is so fun. Cool. So this is the question that I asked all my guests at the end of the podcast and that if you could go back to that young elementary middle middle school, I don't know what you called it in Florida. We call it elementary school, you know Carolina, what would you tell her about her life today? Ooh I would tell her you're going to be so proud of the woman that you're about to become and you're doing everything perfectly. All of the feelings of. Not belonging, all of that. It's all meant to be, it's all here to, to serve a greater purpose. And that she's. I would hug her big time and I would just, yeah, just be like, you are on, you're going on a journey, girl. You're about to like discover yourself. Yeah, I mean, no one, no one gives us a blueprint for. How to discover ourselves, what we like. It's not like we're born and our parents give us like, hey, Carolina likes running and da da da da da. It's like we have to really meet ourselves with curiosity to go on this journey of self discovery. And Yeah, I, I think I would just stress to her, you're going to be very proud of the woman you become. And I agree. I agree. Beautifully said. I try to make this not cliche because I say it a lot, but I really mean it and I'm so blessed with the people that have come in to my life as a result of this podcast. I never dreamed that I would be meeting and having conversations with the people that I have. And the world is a better place with you in it. It's a much more empowering place. And I appreciate who you are for the world. And I do believe that we're all put on this earth to be of service to others. We're all given gifts. And when you can realize that each and every one of us, everyone, everyone. No one's excluded. They have a gift and that gift is to be shared and to be given away. And you will get tenfold back. So thank you for being here today. Thank you for sharing your journey. And thank you for making such a huge impact to not only me, but all those people at the That wellness summit. I am coming to Florida on a new moon. Cause I want to dance with you on the beach. Cannot wait. I may even bring Nathan with me the little you know, make sure he keeps his clothes on. Oh, on that note, on that note, I will say goodbye. Thank you to everyone who listened. We'll talk to you next week. Bye Carolina. Thanks for being here. Thank you so much. All right, honey. Take care. Talk soon. All right, everyone. Thank you again for joining us on today's episode. I hope our conversation resonated with you like it did me, and I cannot wait to sit down with you all again next week. Remember to subscribe to the Just You Podcast on your favorite platform so you can make sure not to miss a new episode, which drop every Thursday. If you like what you hear, you can easily share the podcast and episode Directly with your friends. And if you would rate us and leave us a review, we'd love to hear from you. You can also follow us on Instagram at just do you pod. As you go out into the world today, remember to just do you. All right. Talk next week.